- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
So last night SO and I celebrated our 4 year dating anniversary (Friday the 13! figures…). We had a nice meal and everything was great, but my emotions got the best of me (potentially monthly hormones lol). I asked him point-blank when we’re getting married. It wasn’t super serious tone-wise, but I didn’t want to play any games. He said jokingly whenever we have wedding/marriage money, but seriously, he doesn’t know because he was just trying to enjoy/get used to living alone.
That statement got me kind of upset. He moved out of his parents house a few months ago but I stay with him on weekends (since I’m away at school the rest of the week). He always says that we’re practically living together. That upsets because we’re not actually living together, but since he seems to think we are maybe I should back off a bit and give him some more space. But on the other hand, he did also say that he’s getting used to living alone. So which is it?
Even though I was already upset, I kept going and asked him if he thinks about marriage at all. He said he hasn’t been because of the apartment getting used to, but now that he’s almost done getting used to it (whatever that means) he can start thinking about marriage. Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because here I am the fool thinking he’s given it at least some thought, especially because he’s been living alone away from his parents doing the grown-up thing.
For those who don’t remember or keep up with me, I’m 24 and he’s 26, and we’ve been together for 4 years. When we started having the timeline talk over a year ago he said we’d get engaged “in a year or two,” and when we talked again last winter he again said “in a year or two.” And when he actually moved out this past summer he told several family members that he we’d be getting married.
If it was actually in a year or two I would be completely fine with that. I need to finish grad school anyway. But what’s the most frustrating is that he’s giving me these arbitrary numbers without actually thinking it through. I thought he has grown up to the point where he could talk about marriage like an adult. If I can communicate my feelings and thoughts to him, can’t he give me the courtesy of doing the same? I’m not asking for much. Just that he think it through and tell me what he’s actually thinking, without just spitting things out randomly.
Another annoying bit is that I only started waiting after he did a fake proposal while drunk, a year and a half ago. I hate that he gets to joke around like that and then forget about it while I’m left hurt and waiting for him to be ready to do it for real. But I also don’t want to “pressure” him since I think he should come to be ready on his own.