(Closed) Spouse going to Ex’s family member’s funeral?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Why does it hurt you? It’s not like he’s doing it to be hurtful. He was once close with this girl and, if they parted on good terms, there’s no reason he can’t go to express his condolences.

I’d be totally fine with it. It’s not like his ex is going to try to poach your man or anything. 

Post # 4
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s a funeral, he wants to pay his respects.

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t be too upset about this. He’s just trying to be supportive of someone who was in his life for a long time. It doesn’t have anything to do with you! 

Why don’t you go with him?

 

Post # 6
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you should be able to go with him.

Post # 8
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@sillyme: That’s a little strange. I think I would insist on going with him.

Post # 9
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@sillyme: Would you really want to go anyway? I mean, its kinda like going to a random funeral. You don’t know the deceased or any one  there. Let him go do what he needs to do. No reason to worry.

Post # 10
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with MissCallieJean.

He wants to pay his respects to her father, he might have been nice to him or something. I know I would go to the Funeral of my ex ( knock on wood). He might be trying to be considerierate  of HER feelings, especaily if you are the one after her.  Don’t take it personally, and be there for him.

Post # 11
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think its strange at all…if my previous bf’s parent passed, I would want to go to offer my condolences.  And I don’t think its wierd for him to go without you.  The girls father just died – probably not the best time for her to meet his ex’s wife.

Post # 12
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think it’s right that he’s insisting on going without you.

Post # 14
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@sillyme: A funeral really isn’t the best place to introduce someone new–people are distracted and sad and generally in crappy moods. Again: you’re not really missing out by not going, and it’s not like they’re going to hook up or anything (if that’s what’s making you nervous).

Post # 15
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@ OP,

yea, i think it would be bother some. It is an emotionally charged situation, and even if it was a really really long time ago there is still the feeling of  i did not mesure up.

Would he be out of town for the night? If not, let it be.

Post # 16
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think it’s strange at all – I think it’s a sign of respect for the girl who was once quite important to him.  It doesn’t matter if he was close to the father or not.  

As for not bringing you – I don’t blame him.  It would probably be extremely awkward and uncomfortable.  His ex-girlfriend’s father just died – I think it would be rather tasteless for your Darling Husband to go and bring you, the new wife, along to something so emotional and difficult.  That would be rather cruel in my opinion.  

Don’t say another thing about it to him but just be supportive and kind to him.  The loss of someone’s parent affects all of us differently – maybe it makes one think of the fact that we’re all going to lose our parents someday or maybe it makes one think of their own lack of invincibility.   Regardless, be supportive of him and put the insecurities away.

ETA:  I just read your response about the ex meeting you, the new wife.  It doesn’t really matter how she feels about it – the point is that your Darling Husband wants to go alone.  For whatever reason, he doesn’t want to bring you along and that should be fine – whether it’s because he thinks it’s inappropriate, or because he doesn’t want to be introducing you to new people, or because he just wants to handle this emotional situation independently, you should accept his decision and let it go.

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