(Closed) Spouse going to Ex’s family member’s funeral?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
4822 posts
Honey bee

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@moderndaisy: I believe you go to funerals for the living, not the deceased. He may not have been close with the father, but he was with the daughter. It may be an ex, but that doesnt mean she doesnt deserve support if they had an amicable seperation.

I think its an admirable action on his part.  Assuming there hasnt been any real problems with her interfering with his new life etc.

Post # 48
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Sunshine73: Wow…I’m glad we don’t operate from the same “world” then. 

I’m sorry but even if they broke up 10 years ago…if they were together and serious for multiple years it is respectful to the family that cared for him and treated him with kindness that he go and mourn for this man. 

Why does it have to be a “you are the number one prority” type of situation? This is a FUNERAL not a christmas party she is throwing. 

This man is showing how honorable he is and how respectful of those that care for him and the argument of whether he wants to take his wife that no one knows is the main focus??

That’s just sad. 

Post # 49
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

double post

 

Post # 50
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Sunshine73: There is a big difference to show respect to a whole family that you were a part of and going to a funeral and hooking up with an ex. I honestly think it sounds insecure and childish to say that if he goes he must be cheating.

Post # 51
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

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@Crisark: If he couldn’t be bothered to make time for the man while he was alive why is he attending his funeral?? .. Not that thats a bad things. People will always come and go out of our lives. 

However, the past belongs in the past. Is he going to run and console every ex??

I am no 20 year old. I would be very busy with all my ex’s if this was the principe of how my life works. and very awkward for my current SO.

I would be okay with my SO going if he had maintained a relationship but I am certainly not having him run to every funeral of every ex and telling me I have to stay home because he has to go console an ex lover??!!

I am more concerned that she is not included. why is she being excluded?  that doesn’t seem odd to you?

 

Post # 52
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@Sunshine73: This has been addressed before–a funeral is NOT the place to bring your SO if he/she doesn’t know anyone there. It’s not really a social event–it’s a time to pay your respects to the deceased and offer condolences to the relatives. 

Think about it. Going around saying, “Hey, sorry about your dad. By the way, this is my wife, Jenny!” would be sort of awkward.

Post # 53
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

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@Sunshine73: Why does she need to go? Do you often attend random funerals?

I said this already. I went to my former bosses mothers funeral. I never met the mother but I worked for my boss and was very close with her. I wanted to pay my respects to her and her family. Did my SO need to be there? He had never met my boss or anyone in her family. There is no point to bring him. Its not a party, its a time of mourning.

OP’s DH has every right to go alone. It really has nothing to do with her and I don’t know why she would want to go anyway, unless you like attending random funerals.

Post # 54
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Sunshine73: Nope it sure doesn’t. This isn’t social hour it’s a mans funeral. 

That simple. If she isn’t secure enough to “let” her DH attend a funeral of someone she didn’t know without her going then there are more pressing issues ahead for them.

I’m just really glad my life doesn’t work like this. 

Post # 55
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

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@penguinsaremyfriends:never said he would be cheating..but excluding your SO on purpose so you can go console an ex lover… 

 

 

 

 

Post # 57
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Sunshine73: “to console an ex lover”…That is really the most dramatic way to look at it. Like I said, you would have to be very insecure to even put that kind of twist on it.

ETA: I went back and read though the thread. The fact that DH would be going with his mother makes this even more ok. He wouldn’t even be by himself with her.

Post # 58
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@Sunshine73: Yes, because clearly, her grief is going to send him spiraling back into her arms…

It’s a time of mourning. Period. 

Post # 59
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee

@sillyme: It’s the right thing to do. Let him go and send something homecooked with him.

Post # 60
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you need to let your husband attend – though I can understand this is weird for him to go being as though they only met a few times, he may feel he needs to pay his respects.

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