Spouse is a major mommas boy…. advice please!!

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 61
Member
5589 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

marshmallowbee :  

I know it’s hard. But stop making excuses and leave.

You can’t reason with insanity and you as well as your daughter are in an insane situation.

Tough love, your update made me sad (no room at parents, no money, no where to go). Those are all excuses. Did your parents tell you that they won’t take you in? As pp said you can’t sleep on the couch or floor with a pack and play? I know families are complicated and I won’t sit here and pretend that a parent would never turn down a child in need (mental illness in parents is real, op’s mother in law is a prime example) but did you ASK?

At least in the US, there are shelters to help women like you.

Please think of your daughter and stop making excuses.

Post # 62
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - Blue Bay Grand Esmeralda

You seem to be very level headed- and not giving in to your emotions, because I would bitch her the f***  out, but thats just me lol.    I know that it is hard when you want to make a happy little family and have things work out, but girl, if you saw this situation from an outside perspective.   What do your parents think that you should do?  

 

They deleted your wedding bee accounts? Or all your accounts?  WHo emailed wo?  Sorry a bit confused.

Post # 63
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee

You said that your parents can’t afford to house you/you can’t afford to be on your own, but you said that he isn’t working or contributing financially – does that not mean that you can support yourself financially on your own? I’m not trying to catch you out in a malicious way, it just sounds like you are finding excuses not to go. I understand that making the leap can be hard, but do it for your daughter. That is a violent and abusive situation you’re in. Don’t raise your daughter in an abusive household where her mother is manipulated and belittled, and she is likely to be treated the same. 

Post # 64
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m not quite sure from your story, but is your spouse taking your daughter to visit his parents this weekend without you? Do NOT let that happen. Do not let her out of your sight. Who knows if this will be the weekend his mom decides the baby should stay there permanently. Do not let there be a potential for kidnapping AGAIN. 

Either go with her or make your arrangments tonight and leave tomorrow. Stay at your parents or a shelter for several days. And then find an small apartment for you and your daughter. You’re the one with the job, you have more power than him! Make sure your bank counts are protected and the passwords changed so he can’t take your money. 

Post # 65
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee

Also, begin keeping a log of all altercations with them that note date and time. Also collect any other evidence you can, such as photos of broken items in the house after a violent outburst, screen shots of text messages and/or emails, or even take a voice recording when you’re being screamed at. The last one can be tricky, but if you can discreetly take video while keeping your phone out of sight it may help your case. If you have evidence and a clearer timeline it can make any issues over custody much more open and shut.

Post # 66
Member
7026 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You are endangering your child by staying with this person. Please think about that. You might not care about your own safety, but I assume you care about your child???? How can you not be sure??

Post # 67
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

marshmallowbee :  Holy cr*p – they deleted your personal email? That’s a type of abuse in itself. And him screaming at you is verbal abuse.

Remember your husband is 100% complicit in this. The problem is not his mother. The problem is HIM.

Get out with your daughter. Either sleep on the couch at your parents (like a PP said), or find a women’s shelter.

Post # 69
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

Do you have a job? Sorry if you already posted that information and I missed it.

Post # 70
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee

Oh wow I’m so sorry, the fact that they’ve pulled your access from all of the computers and completely keep you out of any documentation.. that’s part of a larger pattern of abusive behaviour that isolates and controls you because you have no power over your situation and outside information. Good for you for collecting the evidence. 

I think you need to contact a shelter nearby and ask them what you can do. You can stay there until you can sort your situation out, and they may be able to connect you with subsidised housing or legal resources that will help you to file for parental rights and get the financial and emotional assistance you need. At the very least they will let you know what resources are available to you. The law is on your side, you’re a young mother with a baby in an abusive situation, they will do what they can to help. 

Post # 71
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

sparklesalways :  You have nothing better to do, playing shining knight? LOL

And excuse me for asking a question instead of taking everything on the internet at face value. If this story really is as ridiculous in real life as it sounds here, then all parties need psychological help.

And no, I still don’t buy this load of bull. OP, please do tell us more about this dual funeral, vodka-sipping extravaganza that gets more and more pitiful with each update. I can just see you baiting them all in.

Post # 72
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

FYI,  the fact you aren’t on the lease or bills really works in your favour. You can just leave and let them sort out the bills. Just make sure your bank account is safe and he doesn’t have access to it. Change your passwords and pin and take his name off of it’s not already. 

Post # 73
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

marshmallowbee :  stop complaining if you won’t stand up for yourself and do.something about your situation. 

Post # 74
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

You are being emotionally abused which is a serious serious thing ! Do you not have a friend or anything ? If not I suggest you head to a police station and file a report against these people. Trying to take your daughter and making a grandparent making parental choices NO WAY!! Please find alternative accomodation – a shelter / safe house / hostel even the Salvation Army. Someone will Be able to help you – if you leave and they kick off then you call the police 

Post # 75
Member
6864 posts
Busy Beekeeper

marshmallowbee : Please let us. know that you are not allowing him to take your child away this weekend without you.

You have to find a way to get out of there. Do you parents truly understand the situation you are in? Do you have a friend you can stay with temporarily?

You aren’t allowed access to the wifi you pay for? Don’t pay for it. If he has access to your earnings stop that right now. Don’t wait until something worse happens to take action. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors