Your Spouse's Nieces and Nephews?

posted 3 months ago in Family
Post # 2
5556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Overjoyed :  i actually don’t know what they call me. I don’t think the 11 year old calls me aunt, the four year old is autistic and has trouble communicating, I actually don’t think he’s said my name before. The baby is 16 months old and not talking so she doesn’t call me anything.

I try to be as involved as possible in their lives because they lost their mom, I see them at least once a week, sometimes more, but it really wouldn’t bother me if they didn’t add aunt to my name. I would be fine if they just called me by my name, but I’m not particular about it so I wouldn’t expect it to bother me

My sil who passed away has a sister who asks the 11 year old who his favorite aunt is (I found this out because she asked him in front of me) so he refers to her as his favorite aunt. That bugs me because I see it as her pushing insecurities onto the 11 year old, and when I took him to see a movie he told me “she’s the favorite aunt, just so you know”. It annoyed me but not because he doesn’t call me aunt, or consider me a favorite, it just grosses me out that she would do that to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA, I’m not saying you’re insecure, at ALL, I’m just saying that that’s the only time it really bothered me, and it was more about feeling like it was really unfair to do that to him. Who cares if he has a favorite as long as you are a positive influence in his life

Another eta, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t call me aunt. It hasn’t bothered me though. 

Post # 3
848 posts
Busy bee

I would want to be called “Aunt cq123” not my first name. That’s just how I am! My nephew is 1.5, so he doesn’t say anyone’s name most of the time, but we still refer to my FH as “Uncle”. In fact, my nephews mother was calling him uncle before we were even engaged. How old are his nieces and nephews? If they’re older, then I can understand them not calling you aunt/if you haven’t known them for most of their life.

Post # 5
851 posts
Busy bee

Overjoyed :  I’m not married yet, but my fiancés nices and nephews have known me for 6 years now, and I don’t see them calling me Aunt Bearinabeecostume. If they do, it will be fine, but they didn’t grow up with me as an aunt, so it will be perfectly fine to call me by my first name only. They’re all adults, so I could see how the thought of calling me an aunt may not cross their minds. I don’t expect my niece and nephews to call my fiancé their uncle, either. 

Post # 6
2794 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t have any nieces or nephews, but I always called my aunts or uncles spouse auntie or uncle. My brother’s partner is Auntie to my kids

Post # 7
5556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Overjoyed :  I’m glad you saw my eta, it doesn’t strike me as insecurity so I didn’t want my comment to come off that way

I don’t see any issue with wanting to be called that, I think some people just prefer it. Maybe you can ask your husband what he thinks about it.

The wife could have been calling herself an aunt, or her new husband could have been doing it too. If they referred to her as aunt to the kids, the kids probably referred to her as aunt too

Post # 8
871 posts
Busy bee

Overjoyed :  I’m an older Bee and when I was growing up it was common to use ‘aunt’ or ‘auntie’ not only for aunts, whether aunts by blood or aunts by marriage, but my mom’s closest friends and the neighbour mom’s of my childhood friends too. 

I think it’s less common now and I’m fine with my husband’s nieces and nephews calling me just by my first name, especially since they were teenagers or older when I first met them. 

What would bother me in your position though is that they immediately started calling your brother in law’s new wife ‘Auntie Sally’ because this seems inconsistent. We’re only human, I’d sure wonder why a new aunt by marriage was given a familial title and not me. Could your husband ask the parents of the nieces and nephews? Hey I noticed they call Sally ‘Auntie Sally’ but only refer to Overjoyed as ‘Overjoyed’ not ‘Auntie Overjoyed’- to be honest we didn’t really notice or mind before (Overjoyed being called by her first name) because we thought this was simply how they did things- but now that they do things differently with Sally it’s rather puzzling and a bit hurtful. 

Post # 10
658 posts
Busy bee

I have always called the spouses of my aunts/uncles ‘aunt and uncle’. I’ve never used anyone’s name without that infront. Even the family friends that we aren’t related to are aunt and uncle.

My cousin who has kids – they refer to me as aunt sweetdee.

We are all eastern european so respect is a HUGE thing so if you are called by your first name without any aunt or uncle it’s a big NO NO

Post # 11
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I call all my Uncle’s wives Aunt Name, except my Uncle that married when I was in college, so 20 or so. She really isn’t my “Aunt” she’s my Uncle’s wife, and it would feel forced to call her Aunt, though I’ve never thought about it until your post. Maybe they feel the same? I really like my Uncle’s wife and have a great relationship with her, but we were both adults when we met, so it is different then my Aunts that helped raise me.

Post # 12
9663 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I know my husband doesn’t really think of his aunt’s (dad’s sister) husband as his uncle. He’s her second husband and they got married when he was older (like high school) so I think he just doesn’t feel that nephew/uncle relationship with him. But he also lives on the other side of the country and we never see him (I’m pretty sure in the 11 years I’ve been with my husband I’ve never met him).

On the flip side of that my SIL (husband’s sister) recently got married and all her husband’s nieces and nephews call her Aunt SIL. I think it helps that their parents refer to her that way when speaking to the kids about her and they are all younger (under 10).

I wouldn’t take it personally or see it as a respect thing, I think it’s just a when you came into their lives thing.

Post # 14
1361 posts
Bumble bee

Overjoyed :  “When I was growing up, I thought of the spouses of my parents’ siblings (the parents of my cousins) as my own aunts and uncles; we never got into the distinction but in fairness, they were all in the picture since before I was born so it wasn’t a situation that required getting used to.”

It is the same for me.  There was no distinction in my mind between the blood aunt or uncle & the by marriage aunt or uncle because they were already units before I was born.

Thrre are no nieces & nephews on my husbands side, but there are 5 on my side. All but one were all pretty old (pre-teen or older) when we married.  Neither my husband or I would not find it strange or disagreeable if they just called him by first name for this reason. I don’t actually know what they call him, I’ve just never noticed but I suspect they do not call him uncle. 

But in a case of all things being equal and some get the aunt or uncle title while others don’t, I can understand you questioning that.  It’s something I might notice if I were in your shoes, but not something that would matter much to me one way or the other.  But that’s me. 

Post # 15
9805 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

We don’t have nieces and nephews since I’m an only child and my husband is the oldest sibling in his family. However, I’m southern so literally everyone is an aunt/auntie/uncle – even people who aren’t related at all like family friends. Joe who lives down the road that my dad went to high school with? That’s my Uncle Joe. Barbie my Mother’s cousins neighbor? That’s Auntie Barbie.

I also refer to my husbands family members by title mom/dad/grandma/aunt/uncle.

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