Post # 31
My husband’s nephews and niece all call me “Auntie Firstname.” Their parents started making sure they called me “Auntie” before my husband and I were even engaged. However, the kids are all younger — the oldest is 9 now.
I think age definitely can play a role in this. My aunt (mother’s sister) got married a few years ago, and I was in my twenties. Recently I referred to “my aunt’s husband” in a conversation, and the person I was talking to said, “You mean your uncle?” And I said, “Oh yeah, I guess technically he is my uncle. I just don’t really think of him that way.” They live out of state, so I’ve only met the guy a handful of times, so I don’t have a close relationship with him. And because he wasn’t around until I was already an adult, I’ve only ever had a more equal adult dynamic with him — it’s not the same as when I was a child and viewed my aunts and uncles as pseudo-parental/familial authority figures. So since your nieces and nephews were already older when you became part of their lives, it sort of makes sense that they view you as less of an authority figure and more of an equal.
Post # 32
starfish0116 : yeah, I’m not focusing on it too much just something I’ve been noticing. Plus I I like to overanalyze stuff, lol. There’s one other thing though. It’s not like I went from being their uncle’s girlfriend to suddenly being his wife in their minds (like Sallie did). I met them all for the first time during my wedding weekend. So I’ve technically been their “aunt” the entire time they’ve known me and it was long enough ago that they were definitely children at the time. For Sallie, though, switch to calling her auntie after calling her by her first name all this time is what strikes me unnatural/unusual. And you’re right, I’m really not sure who initiated it.
Post # 33
mrsziggy : yes, I follow you. Given that they were teens when I married their uncle, I could easily wrap my mind around them preferring to use my first name (even if I wasn’t accustomed and didn’t like it much). But they were actual full-grown adults when Sallie married their uncle and they made the switch immediately, which I have had some trouble wrapping my mind around. To a PPs point, perhaps they were not the ones who initiated the change?
P.S. had I not been a relative and just been some random 30 year old lady from the neighborhood when they were teenagers, they would have been culturally expected to call me “Miss Overjoyed.” Roughly a decade or more of seniority automatically bestows some kind of handle on a person where they’re from (and where we all live) So maybe that adds another level to my feeling like, “hey aren’t I entitled to at least as much manners as you’d give a stranger?”
Post # 34
There are no kids yet on D.H’s side yet. But my niece does call my husband Uncle “first name”. And we consider her our niece not just mine.
ETA: I started dating D.H when niece was 3/4, she’s 13 now, so she doesn’t remember a time without him around.
Post # 35
My husband’s nieces and nephews who were younger than about 5 when we got together call me aunt. The older ones don’t – oldest is 22. We were always the “cool” young people in the family to his older nieces and nephews. Some of them don’t even call him uncle. I definitely view them all as my nieces and nephews though and love spending time with them, giving advice, gifts etc and they respect me despite not having the habit of calling me aunt. The quality of the relationship is what matters most.
Post # 36
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
If it’s standard to call you Aunt, then they should! Mention it to them in front of parents/grandparents and hopefully they will help encourage this sign of respect and affection.
Post # 37
I’m an only child so I don’t have any direct nieces or nephews. But my husband’s siblings kids call me “Aunt first name”, which actually makes me feel super old. I would never correct them but I dislike it. However I joined into the family where the precise t was already set so my kids call the aunts and uncles by their titles as well.
Post # 38
I can see how you might wonder about something like this, but I would take no action if I were you. Ultimately, even if they did – or were forced – to begin calling you Aunt ____, it wouldn’t be genuine and it would likely be uncomfortable for both of you.
I have a niece and nephews who were born after I was married to their uncle, and they’ve never, ever called me Aunt. I imagine that is because their parents didn’t emphasize it and because we seldom see them. Likewise, our children don’t readily use the Aunt or Uncle title with them. The relationship is the same, regardless of the title, so are you actually jealous of the relationship she might have with them? Because the title just doesn’t matter in the end.
Post # 39
My husbands neices (5 and 7) call me Aunt Pinkshoes. I was already married to my husband when they were born so I’ve been around their whole life and have always been Aunt.
However, I did also just realize while that my husband calls his moms sister Aunt X, and her husband Uncle X… I don’t call them Aunt and Uncle, but just their first name. Maybe this is cause I met them as an adult and never knew them as Aunt and Uncle and it’s not common in their culture (white) to call people Auntie/Uncle as a sign of respect. Where as in mine (Chinese), everyone of my parents peers is Auntie/Uncle First name and never just first name.
Post # 40
Overjoyed : Darling Husband has two nephews and a niece. His nephews were born before we were married (the youngest about 1 year before and the oldest was 3 when we married) and even though I made a point to label all cards/gifts with Uncle Meowton and Aunt Meowton, it used to irk me that the boys would be directed to call us Uncle Meowton and Meowton. After I was married, the parents started making an effort to use Aunt in front of my name. I gently insisted. One of the boys called me by my first name only last Christmas and I corrected him and his mother also corrected him. My niece has called my Aunt Meowton since she could speak. I had requested to go by Auntie, but she saddled me with Ant (she has a cute little southern twang, so I won’t fault her haha). In contrast, my niece (sister’s child) will call us Uncle and Auntie.
For reference, I am almost thirty and I still call all of my aunts and uncles as Uncle FirstName/ Auntie FirstName. My mother, in her sixties, still refers to her living aunts and uncles with their proper title in place. Just from my perspective, it’s disrespectful not to. It’s like calling your parents or grandparents by their first names. If you don’t mind being called by your first name, no problem! More power to you. I prefer to be called Aunt/Auntie.
Post # 41
All my aunts and uncles are aunts and uncles to me. By marriage or by blood. And they are referred to as such. Then again, you don’t call any elder by their first name only in my culture.
Post # 42
I think a lot of it has to do with the age of the kids when you come into the family. I refer to all of my aunts and uncles, and their spouses, as aunt ____ and uncle _____ but most of them have been around my whole life or since I was very young. Husband’s uncle however is getting married this summer for the 3rd time, and she will always just be “Jamie” never Aunt Jamie to us because we are almost 30 and it’s weird to call her that I guess? But had she always been in the picture it would be aunt Jamie.
Post # 43
Overjoyed : I grew up calling my parents’ siblings’ spouses aunt or uncle but they were mostly all in the picture when I was born (except one but I was still young when they married). My Brother-In-Law doesn’t have kids yet but I’d expect to be called Auntie for sure! My daughter calls him and his wife uncle and auntie. My best friends’ kids even call me Auntie lol.
Post # 44
No, they don’t and I’m sure they never will. They range in age from about 8-26 or so, I don’t know exactly because I don’t know any of them that well.
Post # 45
echomomm : “The relationship is the same, regardless of the title, so are you actually jealous of the relationship she might have with them”
Mmm… possibly. Although, I think it’s unlikely. I’ve always known she was closer to them due to spending a ton more time with them, being from the same town, etc. And I don’t recall begrudging them that. It’s only this recent title thing that’s caught my attention. And while thinking over it, it occurred to me that perhaps it was so easy/natural to start calling her an affectionate familial (not to mention respectful) title simply because they like her better. People are entitled to like whoever they like and feel close to whomever they feel close to, but that kinda stung.