Post # 1
One of my very close friends from college is getting married this summer in Maryland. I live in the Netherlands so it’s a decent journey to get there. I want to go, but the thing is she is not inviting partners/spouses. I have not heard of this before, but she says she wants to keep it small and booked a small venue. She has a huge family and literally 1000 friends (not just Facebook friends but real friends) so I have no idea how she is going to do this without breaking people’s hearts.
She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, at my request, as my wife’s brother was a groomsman and I don’t have a sister so I asked if she could be in the wedding party to which my wife agreed. That was the only the second time they ever met but they have emailed and seem friendly. So it’s a bit odd to me to have her not invited, but at the same time I know from her standpoint she has only met my wife twice and wants to invite as many of her longheld friends as possible in her limited numbers.
What do you all think? She says no spouses/partners are invited unless she has been close friends with them for a long time, which is a category my wife clearly does not fall under. There will be wives/husbands there, where she is good friends with the couple and not just one of them.
Is this odd? Is it a new thing? I am hurt my wife is not invited (even though we can’t afford to both go anyways) but at the same time kind of understand from her standpoint of keeping the numbers down.
Post # 2
Thats crazy rude by every standard. Shes hoping for a high decline rate so she’s alienating people like this on purpose, I bet.
Post # 3
There’s no way someone has 1000 actual friends
Post # 4
That’s really rude. IMO spouses should be a given.
Post # 5
I wouldnt go. Especially since it’s such a far journey. And if she asks, I’d be honest, “Im not comfortable traveling that far without my wife”.
Post # 6
It’s extremely rude. Not inviting spouses is rude enough but to expect someone to travel that far alone goes above & beyond.
Post # 7
It’s not really what I would call “proper etiquette”…guests should generally always be allowed a plus one especially if they’re married/serious partners. It’s rude to request your guests to travel especially that far alone.
I personally would not be comfortable making such a trip without my partner. I do not travel well and get sick easily. I would decline the invitation personally.
Only you can decide if you are okay with going or rather not. I don’t think anyone will blame you for the choice either way. I’m sure many of her guests will not attend due to this which is hopefully something she is prepared not to take offensively as it’s the natural outcome.
Post # 8
Crazy rude in my eyes, and stupid. I would nicely decline that invite.
Post # 9
I completely understand her reasoning, and I would not go.
Post # 10
It is rude, and against traditional etiquette to not invite spouses. There are some people on this website that will come on and defend her, and say that they’ve gone to weddings without their SO, but those people are the exception. I’ve been to weddings alone, and it sucks. I would decline if I were you. I suspect a lot of her guests will.
Post # 11
Wow crazy fast responses! Thanks for the honest input.
Also complicating the situation is that i’m from DC and I’d be staying with my parents and seeing other friends so it’s like an excuse to go home. But yeah I kind of want to say “look I know you want to keep it small but we go together.” I’ll have to think about this for a while. She’s always been there for me but I’m not comfortable with my wife not being invited.
Post # 12
I think at the bare minimum spouses should be invited. I would decline.
Post # 13
It’s not odd, it’s just plain rude. And no, not a new thing. It’s always obligatory to invite partners of people who are married, engaged, or living together, and perhaps also those who are permanently committed and considered a long time social unit. I would decline without giving a reason. She can figure it out.
Post # 14
My brain cells can’t even proccess her reasoning and you shouldn’t waste anymore on it either.
An international trip with spouses purposely excluded? Nope.
Post # 15
If you’re considering international travel, she should extend a plus one to you. I do think it’s a bit rude.