Hey there 🙂 I am in medical school as well, and marrying this summer after my first year a guy who is sooo not in medical school. He is a high school math teacher. We stayed together for the entire year so far, got engaged, and I feel like I still love him more and more each day! Feel free to pm me with any concerns or questions you have, I know I am sort of on the opposite end as you, but if nothing else I can always give you some insight about his side of things! Here’s a little overview of how med school has been for me thus far, as well as maintaining a great relationship. Keep in mind that we lived together through the whole thing, but since you will be married I am assuming this will be the same case for you 🙂
-When school first started, neither one of us had no clue what to expect or how things were going to go. My school started with anatomy, and I sort of hit the ground running as fast as I could because the number one advice that people gave me was to not get behind. I went to class in the morning, then usually started studying immediately after class was over & a quick lunch break. The only nice thing about med school is you actually do have quite a bit of time, you just have to figure out how to budget the time wisely so you get enough studying in as well as activities that are not med-school related to keep you sane. I don’t know how his med school will be, but we often had class/lab in the morning 8-12, and afternoon things twice a week. So 3 times a week, we were finished at noon, & if I started studying right away, I could get in 8 good hours of studying with a lunch and dinner break before bed time. On weekends, I tried to not sleep in *too* much at first, because if I was up and studying by 8 or 9, I knew I could study hard all day & do something at night, like go out to dinner & then meet mutual friends out after. MOST important thing a med student has to figure out is how to budget time & not waste (too) much of it.
-At first, I won’t lie, things were pretty tough. I was un-necessarily stressed out, & my boyfriend at the time didn’t really know how to handle it. He tried to be supportive as much as possible but I was kind of a complainer & seriously got stressed way too easily. I was definitely being my own worst enemy, and the only thing that SO knew how to do was tell me that I was freaking out too much & he believed in me & I would be fine. This wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear though, so we had to have a few talks about him being supportive & how. Basically, I had to tell him that I didn’t really like medical school because it was taking away so much time from the stuff I used to be able to do whenever. I told him that I am sure that when I am finished with school, I will be glad I did it, but in the here & now, he can’t just expect me to be rainbows & butterflies all the time. He was just upset because I didn’t seem happy, but I had to tell him that I was definitely not unhappy with him, because if it weren’t for him, I would have been a total wreck in school & he was the only reason I was holding it together. Best thing I told him he could do is just be there for me, hug me when I cry, tell me everything will be ok, he will love me no matter what happens or what kind of grades I get, & recognize when I am extra stressed & try to do some extra things for me, even if its do the dishes or cook dinner while I am studying, or pick up some frappucinos from the grocery store on his way home from school. Once he figured out it was simple as that, he has been AMAZING. It took a while and a few tests for me to figure out that some are good & some are really bad, medical school is like a big rollercoaster of emotions & grades haha.
-Best thing I can say for you is hang in there & try to be as supportive as possible. No one but medical students actually know how hard it is, but I have seriously been making it through because my fiancee is amazing & he now understands that no matter what happens or how I feel at the time, if he is just there with a hug, kiss, & frappucinos, it makes me instantly feel better. He is my outlet to distract me from school with something happy & I have said it once, but I will say it again, I seriously could not have done it thus far without him. School will fly by and before you know it he will be done with the first 2 years and onto the wards, which I have heard, people actually get a little bit of their life back haha (assuming his med school is structured the same as mine). All the guys in my class seem to be so much more chill than the girls anyways, so it will probably be fine. Just set aside time for you & him & cherish it, & the words I love you, I’m sorry, you can do this, etc. are crucial as well. I live for every night when I get to go to bed & cuddle up to my babe, & wake up to him every morning. Don’t stress too much, you will be fine & med school will be over before you know it, then you will be married to a doctor! Nice catch 😉