Post # 1
We’ve recently received quite a few invites for newly engaged couples to their Stag and Does. I’m familiar with the bachelor/bachelorette parties, but are these couple’s parties in lieu of? Or are they just another party to add to the exhaustive list of pre-wedding events?
Post # 2
They’re basically coed bachelor/ette parties and they’re often fundraisers so be prepared to have people sell you raffle tickets etc. They’re most common in some parts of Canada but seem to be catching on elsewhere. There may or may not be a second event more like a traditional bachelor/ette party. Personally I think it’s kind of greedy to do a stag and doe then have a bachelor/ette too, but that’s just me.
Post # 3
Where in the world are you? My understanding is that they’re mainly a Canadian thing (and only parts of Canada at that).
Post # 4
Stag and does are definitely not held across Canada. From what I have read, they are held mainly in Ontario and Manitoba- 2 provinces out of ten.
Post # 5
GrumpytheDwarf: they’re held in addition to the bachelor/bachelorette parties. They’re fundraisers for a wedding.
Post # 6
flowercrowns: In the UK, stag and hen parties are held instead of bachelor/bachelorette parties, so it’s interesting to hear that in some places they mean something completely different.
Post # 7
GrumpytheDwarf: I think it depends where you live based on some of the responses I’ve read so far. I live in Ontario. Stag and does are in addition to the bachelor/bachelorette parties. Its a huge party to rasie money for the wedding. The wedding party sells tickets (anyone can go) and than usually Beer and food is provided, than you are charged money for mixed drinks (this can vary party to party as to how they set it up). There are all kinds of raffles/games to be played that cost money. USUALLY you choose to either have a bridal shower or a stag and doe but I have known some people to choose to do both. In my personal opinion I would never choose to do both!! Than you have the bachelorette/bachelor party usually just for the wedding party but some extend it to females/males going to the wedding.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
I live in ontario and people are usually MORE excited about the stag and doe than the wedding! Everyone I know that has gotten married has had both a stag and doe as well as a bachelor/ bachelorette, it’s considered normal. But then post people don’t have an engagement party or a shower, etc. Just the stag and doe and the bachelor/bachelorette.
Post # 9
I live in Ontario as well and in my circle it’s typical to have a stag and doe or jack and jill, a bachelor/bachelorette annnnnd a shower. Personally I really hate stag and does and think they are extremely tacky – have the wedding you can afford IMO. But some people treat it as a huge party and have a lot of fun – it’s just not my thing.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
Yep, canadian here…they’re very common in my area (about 2hrs north of TO) but they’re incredibly tacky!
The worst part is that it’s almost always people who are invited to the wedding that get invited so it’s like saying ‘hey, you’re not invited to my wedding but can you give me some money for it anyway?’ thanks!
I know someone who had a stag and doe after winning a $15K wedding package…Needless to say, I declined that invite.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I’m in Ontario as well and they’re very common in my area. That being said, I find them extremely tacky and avoid them. I would be so embarassed to ask people (especially non-wedding guests) to donate money to help fund my wedding! I won’t go into detail about what goes on during a Stag and Doe, because PPs have already pretty much covered everything (:
Post # 12
Canadian from Manitoba here, and we had a stag and doe (called a wedding social here, though). While I agree that wedding socials/stag and does are tacky, they’re also a part of the culture here. And in terms of the “you’re not invited to the wedding but you are to the social!” thing, I think it’s pretty important to remember that the people that come to the social are CHOOSING to pay. They’re by no means obligated to buy a ticket and attend.
Anyway, you tend to get mostly people you don’t even know at socials as friends invite friends and party people in the area get wind that they’re going to be cheap drinks. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to anyone, as it was suuuper stressful to pull off, but it was worth it in the end for us.
And no, it doesn’t replace the bachelor or bachelorette party.
Post # 13
I’m also in southern Ontario and stag and does are a very standard thing here as well as bachelor/bachelorettes and bridal showers.
We both have big families and want a smaller wedding, so the only people invited are family and our most immediate friends. For us, the stag and doe is the opportunity to invite ALL our friends and celebrate with them more casually. It’s really not about money for us and at this point, breaking even would make us happy!
At this point, we’re not sure if we’ll be having bachelorette/bachelor parties and if we do, they’ll be low-key.
Post # 14
I am also from Ontario and have attended about 3 or 4 Stag & Does. Personally, I find them a lot of fun. All of the S&Ds I attended were in small towns and it appeared that the event was the thing to do in that area…where there aren’t really a lot of things to do at night on a weekend, so people from the surrounding towns would come to party.
They are a lot of fun and there is no expectation for people to attend if they don’t want to. Planning these events is a lot of work, since you need to book a venue, DJ, etc. so most weddings that I attend these days don’t have a S&G.
We did not have one but I enjoy attending other peoples’!
Post # 15
I’m from Alberta originally and had never heard of a Stag and Doe until I moved to Ontario. I recently went to one, even though it was only at the last minute I was invited to the wedding. What I didn’t like was that it cost $80 for my husband and me to attend with the idea that there is an open bar, BBQ and raffle tickets. I’m pregnant, so I had no interest in the open bar. There were some meat skewers available, but by the time we left at 10 pm, no burgers or hot dogs were cooked yet, and the guy bbqing looked like he was too drunk to keep going. And none of the raffle gifts were given out either. So it just didn’t feel worth it for us to have been there. Lovely couple, but I would have liked to at least have some food for $80!