Post # 1
Talking to my Maid/Matron of Honor over lunch one day about having a bridal shower or not, she mentioned doing a stag and doe (jack & jill) party. After having her explain – it’s basically a wedding/honeymoon fundraiser for the couple. Instead of registering for gifts you ask guests to buy a ticket to a hosted dinner/dance type party.
At the time it sounded like a great idea since my Fiance and I have pretty much all we need for our house. But part of me feels that I’m begging for money. Isn’t it similar to having a bridal shower and asking guests to give you gifts you have picked out and are on a registry?
Ladies I need your help – tacky or not?
Post # 3
If part of you feels like it’s wrong (i’m not a fan of the idea…i have a house, too, and i still found stuff to register for) then go with that. It’ll probably weird you out being there anyway if in the back of your mind you’re going "uhhhh" about it.
I get the concept, but it does feel like you’re just asking for money to me. I couldn’t do it! I’d feel so weird. And I wouldn’t want to go to a friend who’s having one of these. I’d read it as greedy, sorry. And I’d probably buy them nice picture frames instead.
Plus, people will buy you gifts anyways, whether or not you register. Trust me, i got some ugly stuff and I registered. Avoid getting a ton of crap you don’t want/like by at least registering for nicer stuff you want. Ppl will buy you gift certs for Macy’s if you register there. i cannot believe how many gift certs i have at home. Very useful
Why don’t you register for a honeymoon? that’s perfectly acceptable! If you don’t want a real bridal shower and you decide to do one of these money parties, at least make it known that you’re donating to a charity or something instead of pocketing it
Post # 4
I didn’t vote because I only think it’s "begging for money" if it’s not popular in your area and with your friends. I know this is more common in certain areas than others (I think it’s pretty popular in Canada), but if this is the first experience your friends have with a stag & doe party they could be offended.
I think the difference between a stag & doe party and a traditional bridal shower is that for the shower guests are expected to bring gifts, but not necessarily of a set monetary value. At a stag & doe party there is a set monetary amount that HAS to be gifted in order for the guest to be included. At my bridal shower, on the other hand, I got presents costing $5-$75 and some that were handmade or "re-gifted." Anyone could’ve participated at the party, even if they didn’t bring a gift they still would’ve been let in. However, if you are charging at the door, would you also turn away anyone who doesn’t pay the whole fee or doesn’t contribute any money at all?
I think you can make it a little easier on yourself and your guests if you say "donations only" instead of setting a ticket price. Some people might contribute more, some might not contribute at all, but I think that solution is more like a bridal shower than the traditional stag & doe party.
Post # 5
Hi jaydee – Stag and Does are really popular in my area. FH and I didn’t really want one at first because we felt like it was a "money grab". However, if you really need some extra cash to pay for the wedding, it’s a great idea! People are not obligated to come, they can come if they are cool with the idea of a Stag and Doe, and it’s a great way for your friends to help out, a little bit at a time – and a great excuse to party!! In my home town, everyone has a Stag and Doe, and EVERYONE comes haha, even if they don’t know the couple! It’s a small town, so if people are looking for a place to party, they walk down to the hall and party it up. I’ve been told the average profit (in my town anyways), is anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000!! People just pay around $10 per ticket, and then you charge $4 per drink or so, so you can make a bit of profit off the drinks as well. Some people just couldn’t afford their wedding without one! FH and I are definately having one now :).
Hope that helps!
Post # 6
i never heard of that before, ive heard of couple showers and stuff but never one to buy a ticket to goto the event…. i personally would not do that
Post # 7
What is a Jack and Jill party?
A Jack in Jill party as it’s called in New England, or Stag and Doe as it’s know in Canada, is a big party thrown for, and in some cases by the bride and groom, and acts as a fundraiser for an upcoming wedding. It’s a great party where anyone and everyone (not only those invited to the wedding) can purchase tickets (usually around $35 per couple) for a great night out. The tickets usually include food, alcohol, a DJ and dancing. For fun there are usually various raffles, games, and prizes. It is not combined with or in place of bachelor/bachelorette parties, engagement parties, or bridal showers (though some do feel that is a couple has a Jack and Jill they should not have a shower).
Those not from areas where a Jack and Jill party are common may feel this is strange or “tacky”; asking for friends and family to pay to go to a party, or inviting those not invited to the wedding. Think of it more as a fundraising kegger. People are not just giving you cash for your wedding. People are buying tickets for a night out. $35 a couple for food, drinks, dancing, and games is much cheaper than a typical night out for most. It’s something fun to do on a Saturday night 🙂
Jack and Jill parties shouldn’t be thought of as the bride and groom asking for cash, they should be thought of as an awesome, cheap, night out that happens to be an event to help support the couple.
More than anything, a Jack and Jill is just a great excuse to have a great time and party!
Post # 8
Most of the people on the Bee seem to think it’s tacky, but it’s a regional thing. There are many places where not having a stag and doe would be considered extremely odd and no one sees it as just a money grab.
Post # 9
My fiancé really wanted a Stag party so we are having one. It’s very common agree in Northwestern PA. Many people who don’t know about them often think they are tacky. For us, it’s not needed as a fundraiser. We will certainly use any money we make toward future things, such as buying a home. We have no need for “help” paying for our wedding or honeymoon, so we are viewing it more as a fun party/get together with family and friends to celebrate our upcoming wedding. We are charging $5 admission for food and drinks, plus having lots of games and other activities. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone and having a good time, while possibly making a little bit of money. Win-win.