(Closed) Stag and Doe Woe

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Isn’t it usually friends who plan it and not family?

I would tell your Fiance how you feel about it and he can tell them that the two of you would prefer to not have a stag & doe. 

Post # 4
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They are called “socials” where I live, and every bride and groom have them. Personally, I hate the idea. Everyone is asking when ours is, and they are alot of work to plan, and we would be doing it all on our own. They are to raise money for your wedding…and I really dont feel like planning a wedding AND another big party.

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fi and I are having one, and you’re right, they are stressful!

I think they are a regional thing – everyone I know from home has had one, but when I went to Thunder Bay for university, no one had heard of it!

Post # 6
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Where in Ontario do you live? I have never met a person who 1) Had not heard of a stag and doe and 2) Had such distain for them.

Not being snarky just never met anyone who hadn’t heard of them let alone calling them a cash grab. I mean no one calls a bridal shower “present whore day” LOL but lets face it no one goes to a shower without bringing a present (be it off the registry or cash).

Honestly why do you hate them? Is it because you are not use to them? I get asked to buy stag and doe tickets all the time (even to weddings I am not invited to), its just a party. If I can go I do if I can’t I don’t buy a ticket. No one will view you as trying to “cash grab” if that is your concearn.

Also plenty of couples have engagement parties thrown FOR them. I have been to some engagement parties that are bigger than some weddings and no one shows up without a gift (money or otherwise) and engagement parties are very common.

I say just think of it as a party and enjoy yourself.

Post # 7
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Its also very common here I live two hours north of ottawa.  No one views them as cash grabs.  I have been to plenty they are always tons of fun and tickets are never more then $5.  I would just go with it and if you don’t mind me asking where in ontario do you live?  

@Ms. Martian:  They are put on by friends and famili I don’t think it has to be put on by anyone specifiv

Post # 8
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Can someone please explain what this is?  Is it just an engagement party?

Post # 9
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@elysion:  No engagement parties are for ppl who ARE invited to the wedding and you get an invitation….you do not buy a ticket to an engagement party.  A stag and Doe is a party where ANYONE invited to the wedding or not can come ppl (family, friends, wedding party) sell tickets for 5 or 10 dollars and it is just a party to hrlp the bride and groom out with cash. However there is drinking, food and the like, so it is a good time and everyone understands that buying a stag and doe ticket does not equal a wedding invite.

Post # 10
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You crazy Canadians 🙂

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

They are very common here and I really enjoy going to them. They are always a lot of fun and a great chance to celebrate with the bride and groom if you can’t make it to the wedding.

OP-you can’t refuse to attend so I think you should either not have one, or just accept the idea. I think you will be surprised how much fun you have though. GL!

Post # 12
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@mrsaponte:  in thunder bay they’re call a ‘shag’ not a stag. that’s probably why no one had heard of it. we’re weird 🙂

Post # 13
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

They are common from my home town, but my Fiance is from two cities over and never heard of them!

My sister was expecting one, but when she got some sage advice from someone (to make money you need 200 people to buy tickets) she decided not to have one….

Your family or friends (whoever throws it for you) up fronts the money and whatever the overage is the bride and groom gets…

I find them a LOT of work and I’m not expecting anyone to do one for me….if they want to, I’ll go, but I would never expect it….

Post # 14
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I had to throw my own and they are a lot to organize whilst organizing a wedding. It is common-place where I live. In fact in the small Town I currently live in people don’t always even know the Bride and Groom. It’s just a party to help raise money for the wedding.

 But as I mentioned it’s a lot of work, so if you’re not up for it I’d say pass on it. My wedding party helped, but unless your whole party is familiar with the idea and lives in the area you’ll likely be left to do it yourself.

Post # 15
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

In some regions it is considered odd and almost rude NOT to have a stag and doe. That said, if you and your Fiance do not want one, just let people know.

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My biggest problem is that with a shower it is still an option to bring a gift.  Yes, it is a gif-giving event, but you aren’t turned away at the door if you don’t have one.  At stags (and stag and does), you can’t come if you don’t pay.  Its basically a fundraiser for the wedding. 

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