- 7 years ago
It’s been one of those weeks. I’m pretty sure I’m in the 3rd stage of the waiting cycle where I just don’t give a rip anymore.
I want to share a bit of my situation and get opinions on what you might think is going on, support if you just know how I feel or maybe some insights on why he’s taking his time. I will admit, most of this is me venting because I have reached a limit! (and the V-day challange is hovering over me so I’m not going to discuss it with him…..yet..hehehe).
Basically we had a talk a while back (Octoberish I belive) that was one of many talks. We had discussed marriage extensively and he was starting to constantly refer to me and his “future bride/wife” and “our kids”…talked about us remodling his house and what I would like to do to it to make it more “ours” and it got to the point where it was just upsetting me because I had no idea when he was visioning this with me, and to me, if we talk that much about it, it should happen soon. Well the word “soon” means many things to many people and essentially in October after talking about possible months and dates to get married in 2011 he realized that it would take longer than he thought to book a venue. The one we wanted was getting very booked for 2011 and we were luck to find an open day. He made mention of getting engaged by the end of 2010 because I made a comment about it feeling so far away still. So we got a call in November saying that we had to either put down a deposit on the venue or we would loose it because another couple wanted the same date…..so I told the venue not to worry about it because he had said he didnt want to look until we were engaged. Well, I tell him all of this and then he wants to go see it and book it??? So i very nicely explained to him that I had no interest in booking and paying for a venue when we werent engaged and that I would consider it if I knew we would be getting engaged for sure by the end of 2010. He agrees…we put down the deposit, the date is set.
Sooooo….Thanksgiving passes…..we go on not ONE but THREE vacations between Thanksgiving and Christmas…then theres Christmas Eve and Christmas Day…still nothing….two days off together…nothing. And before I knew it it was December 28th and i was pretty dern sure he wasnt going to do it. His brother was getting married on Jan 1 and it basically got too close to their date to do it and not be buttholes. So I asked him what the deal was…and I admit I didnt do it in the best way possible….I felt lied to and led on and i was pissed that we had made concrete plans and nothing was being followed up on.
He explained that there were places he thought of doing it but something always got in the way, either someone else in his family doing it there or it getting too close to his bros wedding date and he knew I would be upset and didnt know what to do. Well in the midst of this conversation I realize that he never actually planned anything…all of it was just “ideas”…well he comes out with the fact that although he does not have a plan still…he did get a ring, which he has told several family members about.
This made me happy, but at the same time I dont understand him. I told him that I wasnt setting any other deadlines….that I was seriously disappointed and that he can do whatever he wants, how he wants and when he wants. Since then I have been stone cold to everything. On top of that, a few nights ago his whole family starts sharing proposal stories!! And everyone there was married or engaged except for me and my SO….it was pure hell, so all that did was add fuel to the fire.
We have passed so many holidays and perfect chances for him to have done it and now theres this lull….we have valentines day which in my opinion would be obvious but whatever. I just dont know how to pull myself out of this mentality. I dont get why he is making me wait, and to me it just looks like he hasnt planned which equals not taking the TIME to plan, which makes me feel like im not important and he just keeps putting it off! I keep wanting to ask him if hes made any progress but I havent…because im not going to beg someone to propose to me, and it makes me furious that because of how things have happend i feel that way.
Sorry this is long, I’m just having a hard time……anyone hear me?