(Closed) Stalling…advice!!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

@SpartyGirl:  im sorry to hear you’re going through this. Not knowing anything about your relationship besides what you just shared I would say that you need to choose a mental drop date. A date that once it comes, you’re done. I wouldn’t share this with him but would keep it to yourself.

 

That said, do you REALLY want to be engaged to this person? It sounds like he disappoints you often and  is not thoughtful. I also think you should do something apart from him on your vacation. Every day if your vacation does not hav to be about making it convenient for him to propose. If I was you, my drop date would be sooner than later. Put you first.

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

How nerve wracking that must be! Cyber hugs to you 🙂

@thisbeelikesbaseball:  I second the idea of thinking through the root of your desire for an engagement.  Do you want to be engaged to this man because you only see your life with him, he is your greatest friend, your rock, your inspiration, and the man you would want a son to become?  If so, I guesss you are in a tight place because he knows what you want but refuses to deliver for some reason.

On the other hand If this were the man described above I don’t think he would behave the way he is(I am the last person to shout RED FLAG on someone’s post and I apologize, but it seems like this is the case from my uninformed outsiders point of view).  I don’t know how long this has been going on, but He IS stringing you along whether he is trying to or not.  If his intentions were pure, why wouldn’t he simply do what he says he will or not say anything at all.  Add the fact that he seems to completely disregard your feelings, emotional well being, time, and BIRTHDAY and I think he is nowhere near ready to marry you or anyone for that matter. 

Do you really want to marry this guy or is it the idea of a happily ever after…because this doesn’t sound like it.  Tell him how you feel one last time.  Let him know the uregncy you feel and then leave the ball in his court.  After that, make a deadline (say one year from now) like PP said and don’t tell him the date.  if that date comes and goes with no proposal hit the road and find the real Mr. Right

Post # 5
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry, that’s such a crappy place to be in! It sounds like maybe you guys should have some communication time and talk through your expectations. Everyone gets into a funk/acts lazy, I say give him a chance to step it up, maybe he’s just not understanding what youre going through and what you need from him. No one’s perfect 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SpartyGirl:  My husband is a terrible planner too and we would do nothing if it was up to him. He likes to do things alright, just not actual facilitate them happening (including our engagement actually…but that’s a different story).

 

Why don’t you just say what day you guys are going to the castle, what day you will get the tattoo and be done with it? That way your vacation isn’t being ruined and you aren’t building resentment at this guy you love day after day of being home and doing nothing?

Post # 8
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Snow00774:  +1

 

My SO is NOT a planner, at ALL!!  He’s more of a fly by the seat of his pants type of guy.  The only planning he does is for a tailgate.  I have to plan pretty much everything, but he is really easy to engage.  For example, if we wanted to take a tropical vacation somewhere, I would pick a few spots, and have him help me decide where.  We’ll look at hotels together, but, ultimately, he just lets me decide.  Maybe you can engage him on this vacation you guys are going on?  Sit down with him one night and plot it out.  Maybe it’s the push he needs to get excited?

Post # 9
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not really one to comment on other people’s relationships, given that I’m kind of in a similar situation to you where stalling is concerned, but I agree that you need to have a talk with him about things. I used to feel the same way about my SO but after talking to him about it I think he just didn’t realize how important it was to me that he plan and organize things once in awhile. Once we were talking about past relationships and he said he broke up with a girl because he always had to do everything and she couldn’t be trusted to plan the smallest things, and one reason he liked me was that he could trust me to plan things and that I always introduced him to new things. That made me feel differently – I didn’t feel like I wasn’t good enough anymore, and took it as a good sign that he let me plan things. That said, it isn’t very good that he didn’t plan anything for your birthday, but maybe he didn’t know how important things like that were to you (not saying that is okay – it’s kind of common sense that a birthday is important, but people get complacent sometimes and think stuff doesn’t matter anymore).

Post # 11
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@SpartyGirl:  I wish I could give you a hug right now! Do you think it would help if you spelled things out a bit more for him? Not like an ultimatum, but more like “I’d like to do this at this point in my life and it would be great if we could do it together” and let him see what kind of timelines you needed for that? That way, he might understand why these timelines are important and might be able to give you something more concrete.

Post # 13
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You’re with this guy why?

What I’m reading through your posts is that:

He’s not clear with you on when you can expect to get engaged, and makes excuses for it.

You can’t rely on him, i.e. he doesn’t follow through what he says he will do.

You *do* deserve better.  I also think you need to take responsibility for your own happiness – if he didn’t want to go on vacation with you, screw him.  Go on vacation without him!  One of the points of vacation is to come back to work rested and refreshed, and it sounds like you’re not going to get that sitting around the house.

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@SpartyGirl:  Sorry to hear you broke up, but based on your posts it sounds like a really good decision.  Now you need to work on YOU. You are not stupid.  You can only be taken advantage of if you let people take advantage of you.  STart building your self esteem.  Take up a new hobby or something where you can focus on you and how awesome you are.  Spend time with good friends.  WHen you are confident and sure of yourself and how wonderful you are, you will stop putting up with BS. Good luck honey and stay strong!!

Post # 16
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SpartyGirl:  Breaking up is tough to do!  But I do think you made the right decision.  The week isn’t over yet either – you still have time to go out of town for the weekend, maybe find a spa where you can get a massage.  Take the last bit of the week to be nice to yourself and take care of your needs.

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