- 9 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
Hi guys, I just wanted to write a quick post because I’m a little upset, okay more than a little. My guy has been talking marriage since pretty much day 1 but the past few months its gotten to the point where he was saving money for a ring (which he told me because he can’t keep secrets. 🙂 He had bought himself a $$$ laptop with all his savings but impressed me because he saved almost that much again in two months, and he really doesn’t make a lot, I was sooooo proud and grateful! I mean for him that was amazing because he is so generous and not a saver like me! Well, long story short he’s just started professional school this week which I know he did it for me and our future because after its over he will make a lot more money, have more opportunities, etc, and which I 150% support and am thrilled about.
I had told him all along I wanted Moissanite because right now a diamond would be completely out of budget, and that’s fine someday we can always upgrade if it turns into a big deal. Of course, I thought he was well over half way to a nice Moisssanite in the PERFECT setting I’d always dreamed off by now, when he sort of hinted that with school and having to cut his hours, he would no longer be able to save money every month like he has been. I can easily support the both of us if he quit working all together, but he refuses to accept anything from me right now (such a catch-22!), so I was pretty bummed when I realized my dream ring had to wait two years to go out the window. And I’m not waiting two years to marry the man I waited my whole life to find! So anyway, I started damage control and looking for more modestly priced settings that I could still love, and pinned and showed him that look, look at these they’re half the price or less we don’t have to wait more! Anyway he stopped talking engagements and rings for like a month while he’s been in getting ready for school mode.
And then the bomb drops… the money he saved every month? It’s gone. All of it. He spent months saving, or at least I thought he had, and I have no idea where it went. I guess he must have just stopped saving after those first two months and just never mentioned it, then somehow blew through it all?? I mean books and school fees would not have been a quarter of it, I know because I do all our finances mostly now. I feel so awful, and I feel guilty for feeling awful because it’s his gift to me to show he wants to spend our lives together, he can spend or not spend whatever he likes. But then I feel awful again because I think, does he really just not think I’m worth it, why is it so hard for him to prioritize? He prefers to eat out even when I offer to cook, he wrestles my card away from me when I buy things which I infuriates me because every time I remind him that he’s trying to save money while I already have a healthy savings.
So, I know he feels bad but like, he doesn’t really feel THAT bad. I had mentioned about stand-in rings to him when showing him the lower priced moissanites, so he said the only way we could get engaged was with a stand in. But he’s thinking like a hundred dollars for a cz in sterling silver stand in, so that’s where I am, sifting through Berricle and HSN, so if anyone has any decoy rings that look amazing or stand ins, please send them my way. (And yes, I would rather have a cz than a colored gemstone, plain band, no ring, etc, so I guess it could be worse).
I never thought I was a huge snob, but I really never imagined getting engaged with a fake ring. Like literally fake, not a nice gem like a Moissy or a diamond simulant set in gold even. I know it should only matter that I’m getting married, and its just symbolic and is just there to be pretty and that fact he wants to marry me is so much more important than a rock that I wear around, but it still stings. And I know what other people think shouldn’t matter, but it does, especially older family members and people in my professional life who I try hard to project a certain appearance to. Sorry this turned into a novel, I just had to vent and there’s no one I can tell whose feelings I won’t hurt or who will just turn it into a huge drama.