- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I know that this is a very personal choice, but it is something that my Fiance and I waffle back and forth on all the time, and I thought what better place to chat about it than here. I have a teenage son, K, from a previous relationship when I was very young. My Fiance and I have been together for 11 years, living together for 9.5 of those years. He is the day to day father figure for my son, and feels as if he is his son (and vice versa for K), I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome for myself and K in finding a true love. Our family unit is tight, and I couldn’t ask for better mother-son or father-son relationships.
My Fiance and I have talked (even before gettting engaged this past December) about having a baby together. We waffle back and forth on the decision all the time. We both would love to have a child together, but we find ourselves weighing Pros and Cons. I would love to say just let nature take its course, but since I use an IUD…I would litterally need to make a decision, have the IUD removed, and then let nature take its course…which really isn’t leaving anything up to ‘chance’. I think that in hindsight we both wish it would have ‘accidentally’ happened years ago… But now there is more to think about.
Here are the thoughts that go through my head.
K will be gone to college in two short years. We could then do anything we want with just the two of us, move away, travel, etc. Our house would be empty of children, and since I have been a Mom since I was 16, I am not sure how that emptiness would affect me.
Having another child now would literally be starting all over, almost a 2nd family. With such a large age difference between a new baby and K, they wouldn’t have your typical sibling relationship. So, I waffle with if we have one, do we have two so that we don’t have another only child. (Although K has never struggled with being an only child).
Although my Fiance loves K as his own, and they are extremely close, I don’t want to deprive him of having his own blood carry on.
I am 32, my Fiance is 37. If we wait to try until we are married (which I would want to do, don’t want to be prego at the wedding). We will be 33 and 38, turning 34 and 39 when the new baby is born, if we get pregnant right away. That puts us at 52 and 57 when the new baby would graduate high school…and those years just increase if we have two.
This is a constant converstaion in my head, and thought it would be nice to hear if any other Bees out there have the same conversation going on in their heads.