- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
So we have been engaged 10 months and nothing major has happened (no huge red flags) to make me second guess our upcoming marriage, but I’ve started feeling very nervous about committing to this one person for the rest of my life. I’ve been noticing all of his flaws lately (for months now, though they’re all I could see this week) and I feel so bad because they’re mostly small things–constant knuckle cracking, slamming things, constantly moving around in bed, chewing with his mouth open, occasional social-awkwardness, even his voice sometimes, etc etc–and I know he’s started to notice that they frustrate me. I really don’t want to nag about annoying habits, and I certainly don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable in our house and especially not around me, but I am getting so anxious with the thought of living with all his little annoying habits for FOREVER. That’s a long time. Why did I never see them all so clearly before?? They’re nothing to end an engagement over, but sometimes I just get so stressed by it all that I wonder why I’m subjecting myself to all this!
We’ve been together for over 6 years, and being in our early 20s, we’re both young as modern engaged couples seem to go. This obviously means I haven’t really dated around much; we met as teenagers, were best friends/dating, and things just never really stopped. It grew into a more mature relationship as we got older and eventually brought us where we are today. When I start fixating on all these little flaws (getting what I assume are “normal” cold feet) I know I should focus on the reasons why I love him, and I know I love him, but we’ve been together so long that my love for him is no longer due to just a laundry list of reasons; I can’t even really point them out anymore. I just know that I do. Then I worry that because I have never had an actual relationship with anybody else, I can’t really know that I want him more than anybody else, can I? I don’t want to leave him (though I know that my life could continue on without him) to “test the waters” and verify that he’s right for me, but I’m getting nervous that I’m missing out on a single life that I’ll now never really have. Is there much to miss out on??
But then we plan for another aspect of our future, or we go do something fun, or we cook dinner together or clean the house or whatever, and I’m happy with him. And then he cracks his knuckles, haha. Forever is a long time. How can I KNOW he’s the one I want to spend it with when women in their late 30s who have been single, dated around, and are now engaged still aren’t sure of their FHs? And especially when I can’t even pinpoint WHY I want to be with him, I just know.
We’re both recent college grads living in a big city and the only ones among our friends who are in this situation, so nobody really gets where I’m coming from. And I feel like most other people who are our age and engaged to their high school sweethearts are in the military, or never left home/went to college/had “real world” experiences. Not to stereotype really, just saying that I feel that we’re not really like any other couple I’ve met, and I therefore can’t really relate to anybody. Are my concerns normal, are my worries things that I should really worry about or even voice? I go between “YYEEESSSS” to “you’re ridiculous”, but I can’t stop googling “wedding cold feet” in the middle of the night.