(Closed) Start the clock… (or don’t) – I’m officially waiting. (long-ish?)

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
19 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hi there!

Our engagement was May 2009 to August 2010.  So not even a year and a half…BUT the reason I’m replying to your post is – I was in the middle of being a part-time grad student (MBA) on top of also working full-time when my hubby proposed, and we got married before I was done with school.  I was able to plan the wedding on top of school, work, and oh yeah, we bought a new house, which entailed moving twice and picking out all of the finishes in the new house.   Admittedly, it was a little bit of a crazy time for me, but I didn’t want a super long engagement because I thought I’d go nuts waiting.  I’m not writing this to toot my own horn, but just to point out that school doesn’t have to make you put off the wedding date. 

It all comes down to your priorities – for me I just wanted to be married, so I bit the bullet and planned my wedding during a very busy time in my life.  I’m so happy with my decision because I love being married and calling him my husband!  However, I’m not saying it’s neccessarily the best choice for you.  If you think a shorter engagement would drive you crazy or make planning impossible due to geographical issues, by all means have a long engagement.  I see you’re from the Boston area as well – long engagements are pretty normal around here!

Waiting is no fun, I know I was “waiting” for probably a year before I got the ring.  I think it’s good to have general discussions about the future to ensure both of your expectations are in line and acceptable to one another, but it’s fun to give him enough space so that it can truly be a surprise.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I have no idea when I will be getting engaged, but in our talking my boyfriend and I have decided that we both want at least a 2 year engagement. I’ve even told him that I would be fine with more time before that. 

There are a few reasons. One, I’m going to be starting my undergrad schooling here in 1.5 years. At the same exact time he will be starting his grad program. We will both be done at the same time, 4 years later. Then he will start looking for a job and I will start in on my grad program. There is just going to be a LOT of busy busy school in our future for many years to come and college life=broke life for some people. lol

So, with that in mind, I’m going to need a ton of time to plan the wedding to be honest. School barely leaves time for a social life, let alone wedding planning! I know some do it, but I personally can’t because stress worsens my autoimmune disease.

I’ve told him that I wouldn’t expect to be married until after he’s done with grad school at the earliest for the said reasons and for financial reasons as well. The wedding we would want to have is just going to have to wait for practical reasons.

He completely agrees. I’ve always seen engagement as another step and relationship level. Date for however long and enjoy that stage, be engaged for however long and enjoy that stage, and then make it official. I’m ok with getting engaged without being 100% ready to have the official wedding. I mean, don’t get engaged if you’re not sure about the person, but I see engagement as a relationship stage that doesn’t always mean wedding planning immediately. I don’t think most guys think about it this way though. My boyfriend didn’t at first. He always had the opinion that if you propose when you could physically have the wedding the next month, if that makes sense.

Post # 5
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Welcome!! My situation is not that far off from yours!! My Fiance and I have been dating since June 2005 and will be getting married after 7 years.

We are having a 22 month engagement. Although I am not in school we chose to have a long engagement for a few reasons. This gives us plenty of time to save up and have the wedding we really want. We are also planning long distance, so all this extra time allows us to plan at our leisure. You might find that beneficial if you are trying to plan while in school. I don’t see anything wrong with a long engagement. You are only able to say that you are engaged for such a short period of time — but you will be married for the rest of your life!!

As far as waiting — well I would not get along too well with your friend ๐Ÿ˜‰ After having a few chats about marriage with my Fiance, I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. I really couldn’t take it anymore and my Fiance and I decided that I would be more involved in the proposal process in order to keep me sane. I helped pick out the ring (although he had final say and I don’t know the specs/what it cost) and he told me what month he was proposing in (although he did not tell me the exact time/when/where it would be).

In the end though, it really depends on the dynamic of YOUR relationship and what you and your Fiance are comfortable with. Anyways, that’s my story and I hope you found it helpful — I know what a confusing time this can be!!

Post # 6
3303 posts
Sugar bee

My engagement will be longish- but I welcome that because we need time to $ave for the big day. My engagement will be hopefully in the next few weeks after he buys the ring and we don’t plan on getting married until December 2012 (earliest proposed date). I have already started our savings plan and start looking at different destination spots (we are planning on a destination wedding) so we can get an idea of how much everything is going to cost but I won’t start buying dresses and etc. until the big day is closer, which is better for us because we need time to save.

Post # 7
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We have discussed having a long engagement so that we can have our house renovations finished before beginning wedding planning (I live in his house but we are working on making it ‘ours’). I am ok with this because I don’t want us to miss out on enjoying fixing up his house together and I don’t want us to not enjoy wedding planning because we have too much other stuff going on. He is the one that said he would prefer a longer engagement so we can save and not rush. I like the idea because the beginning of our relationship was rocky (he had a large family trama occur) and we have not been able to really relax and enjoy each other for a long time, so we are looking towards engagement as being a nice start to a life together. We will probably be engaged for a year before setting a date and another year to plan.

There’s nothing wrong with a long engagement…if being engaged or knowing when you both are going to take the next step towards comittment helps you plan out your future, he won’t find that silly.Besides…you’ll be dating for those years you are in school, so you might as well get engaged!

Post # 9
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know this isn’t what you asked, but see how much financial aid you actually get.  I went to a grad school that counted my parent’s income (despite having been financially independent from them for several years) for financial aid purposes.  My bf otoh, went to a grad school that paid him to go to it, sigh.  I suspect I might have been better off for finacial aid purposes had I actually been married to my then-bf.  Wait and see what they calculate for your financial aid package before you make decisions based on it.

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