(Closed) Starting a family…can anyone relate?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that happens to a lot of us! We get the hormonal urge, but our circumstances dictate that the timing isn’t right. I’m kind of in the same boat right now – I would definitely be ok with getting pregnant now, but we are taking a 6 month trip through Asia later this year, moving, and starting new jobs afterward. The timing couldn’t be more wrong, you know? Hang in there and keep yourself distracted with all the wonderful things you guys want to do before kids!

Post # 4
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i feel the same thing! i’m feeling the maternal urge, my husband isn’t ready yet, and i also just started a phd program last fall, and want to wait until i’m at least done with classes before we do have kids, so it’ll be like 2-3 years before we start ttc. whenever i see or talk to, or even talk about, my 2 yo niece though, i want a baby so badly. and my research is on policies that affect early childhood and motherhood, for goodness sake, so i’m thinking about babies all. the. time. lol. but yeah, it’s definitely not the right time, i’m so busy with school that adding anything else now would just be too much…and the hubs def needs to be fully on board too.

Post # 5
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Hehe, I think I am in the opposite boat of you guys!  My husband is totally ready to have kids (even though timing is not good — he may be deploying within the year) and I am the one who keeps deciding that we should be waiting for a bit.  We are using NFP and I get quite adamant around our fertile time to be super careful…haha I love kids, but I want some time with him before we have children.  I feel bad, cause really if it was up to him, we would probably be pregnant by now. 🙂

Post # 6
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I sort of want to but right now things are so up in the air that it would be a really bad idea.  I might be switching careers again and there is probably a move in our future eventually.  So not the time for a baby!

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My husband and I both wanted kids right away but I had to wait a little bit due to health reasons. My suggestion would be to find another project to focus on, like home decorating, to try to keep your mind on something else.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I honestly experienced a wave of baby fever right after we got married. I didn’t have it before and it has since faded. Something about going through such a life changing event like getting married. You feel suddenly like you can do anything. Especially if everyone else around you is popping out babies constantly (my life) it starts to become a little more understandable. But like others have said, I luckily made myself wait it out and focused on other things in my life like starting a food blog, getting further in my career and now I can’t believe I was even thinking I was ready!!

Post # 10
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@wbninja: I’m in the same boat as you! I’m not ready to have kids, but my Fiance is totally ready (well, ready as in, if we were financially sound he’d be ready).  Every time we go out to dinner or something & there’s little kids around he always mentions how he can’t wait to have kids & how if we had the money, he’d be ready for kids right now.  I, on the other hand, am not ready.  I’m also still in grad school (finishing in May!) so my entire life thus far has been school.. I’ve done plenty of practicums, but I have yet to get to start my career with a paycheck etc.. and I’m not ready to jump straight from finishing school to having kids.  I feel like my life hasn’t really “begun” yet, since I haven’t had the chance to start my career yet or anything.  Ideally I wanted to be working for 4 or 5 years to save up money for a house etc before having kids.. but idk if my Fiance can wait that long.. haha.  

Post # 11
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ugh, I hear you.

I think part of the problem is that EVERYONE around me is having babies. Or maybe I’m just noticing it more because its on my mind. Like when you buy a new car and suddenly you see everyone else driving your exact same car.

I’d love to be pregnant right now, but Darling Husband says we aren’t ready. Which we aren’t. We would really like to buy a house first… the idea of raising a baby in our little condo isn’t enticing.

I think I just need something exciting in my life to focus on. Now that the wedding’s over, I can’t focus on that. Buying a house seems like a daunting project. Having a baby seems much easier!

My best friend is 7 months pregnant. I’m hoping once she has a baby and I can see how stressful and tiring having an infant is, the baby fever will go away.

Post # 12
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have baby cravings, somthing I never had before.  Sometimes I 100% know I am ready, but no matter what, we have to wait.  So then I think I don’t want any, but am I just coping with the situation, or am I really indifferent?  That is my current struggle anyway! 

I know that I do love now and I am just trying to enjoy it.  I love being married without children.  I LOVE it.  Sometimes when I think kids I think… I don’t know if I want to do that to myself.

Post # 13
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@jaylii9: Oh yes, I am going through it right now.  My best friend is 8 months pregnant, and she is adorable, and they are so happy.  Darling Husband and I spent last night at their house helping them set up their nursery.  I got a little bummed afterward, since I feel like Darling Husband and I are so far away from that part of our lives.  We are younger than them by a few years, and aren’t financially ready yet, but it doesn’t stop the urges!

Post # 14
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know the feeling! I get cases of the baby rabies in waves… for a while I’m READY to go, and then I have second thoughts and think it’s better if we wait. 

Lately, I’ve decided to focus my energy on realizing all of the things we WON’T be abe to do when we have kids… like nights out on the town, sleeping in, reading a book on the couch, having a lazy Sunday… 

I think if I spend time appreciating those things, it will be easier when we no longer have those luxuries. I have also started eating right and working out. I figure if I can’t make myself do these things now, in preparation of having a healthy body to carry a baby, then maybe I’m not ready for a baby! That thinking has really helped me kick things into gear!

Post # 15
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

@kt23525: I totally hear you!  I think I would be fine waiting years and years…enjoy my teaching (I’m a yoga instructor as well as a musician), let him finish his school and enjoy just being together for a while. 🙂  Isn’t it interesting to be married to these men who just adore children?  At least we know that when it does happen they will be totally on board!

Post # 16
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I think that’s pretty normal, even though I can’t really relate to baby rabies myself. I think it’s great that you acknowledge the feelings instead of pretending that they aren’t there.

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