Post # 1
my stats: 37yo with 2 children (ages 6,8). 1 LTR for 15 years. Divorced 2 years ago.
I’m needing your thoughts and experiences to help me understand my situation:)
After divorce, I casually dated (3-4 months) 2 men, then met my current boyfriend (34yo) whom I’ve been with for 14 months. He has never had an LTR, but quite a few short-lived casual dating relationships. I would like to eventually (around 2yrs of dating) remarry, and made my needs known to him around 11-12months. He was defensive and explained to me he is working on his fears of long term committment. We have seperate homes and see eachother every weekend and about 3x’s during the week.
For the past 2 months, I see progress and him working on his fears. He has been talking about us getting married, asks what kind of wedding I would like, tells me he wants me to be his wife, etc.
Question: Can someone shed light on timelines for second marriages? Did your dating-to-engaged timeline seem cautious due to a failed first marriage?
Thank you for your help!
This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by g2thafree.
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I fell in love unexpectedly shortly after our first marriages fell apart. We have been together just under 3 years and recently bought my e-ring and now I’m just waiting for the proposal. Oh, I’m 40 and he’s 51. He has 2 kids and I don’t have (or want) any.
Post # 3
Were you worried about making the same mistake again?
Post # 4
I was divorced 1 year (including seperation) when i had the first date with my hubby. Engaged within 5 months, married within 12 Months. We just knew it was “it”
that said, I had a zillion dates, did therapy, and read a million books divorce, marriage, relationships, etc to really understand the institution and what it meant to me, what I did wrong, what he did wrong, and what I should expect and do differently going forward. And what I wanted/needed instead of what was just “there”
i think if you don’t address those things, then you risk the chance of failure all over again because you didn’t learn.
Post # 5
great points! Yes, I too have had lots of therapy and reading to figure out who I am, and what I need. Self awareness is so important to find within ourselves and our partner. Figuring out my part in my failed marriage has been so helpful!!
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard
not at all. We are so much more compatible than my ex and I were. And, for that matter, more compatible than his ex and him. when i was married before, I think I really was afraid of ending up alone and I really wanted a wedding. this time, i accepted being alone and then happened to fall in love with my best friend (we’ve known each other for 9 years). And, we just want to be together-I couldn’t care less about a wedding this time, when before that’s what I was most excited about.
Post # 7
My time line differs in that I have been divorced for 11 years. I would have LOVED to get married sooner than this, but life just didn’t work out that way. My current relationship is headed toward marriage. We have been together 18 months, will be getting engaged around 2 years, and married 6-12 months after that. We moved in together after 12 months. But neither of us are dealing with any kind of relationship hangups. We are ready to be in a lifetime relationship and are working together toward that goal. I think in your 30’s, 2 years is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to know you want to spend your life with someone.
Post # 8
I’m on the other end. Been together about 4.5 years, known each other 8. Ive been divorced 7ish… can’t remember exactly. We dont really have plans to get married. I actually posted a thread a few weeks ago trying to see if anyone knew if it was better financially for us to be married. Long term, that is probably what it will come down to.
Post # 9
My fiance’s failed marriage actually made him move pretty quickly with us. We just really clicked and connected in a way that he and his ex didn’t, and as he said, “I’m a grown man, and I know what I want at this point in life. Nobody needs to lecture me about arbitrary timelines.” And that was that.
I felt the same way, I told my BFF sorta jokingly “OK what’s the worst that’s gonna happen? I’ll be – what- 38 and divorced? WHO ISN’T?!” LOLOL.
But yeah, the difference between our relationship and the one he had with his first wife only made him more confident that I was who he wanted to be with.
Post # 10
I met my second (current) husband when we were both in our 30s. We were engaged 14 months after our first date and had known each other for about 5 months before dating. He had dated his ex wife for 4 years before proposing so this was a much quicker timeline. We’re were married 7 months after getting engaged.