(Closed) Starting to become bummed by Catholic ceremony…

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

do you have the Together for Life book? because that has all sorts of recommendations. you should go through them together as a couple and see if anything speaks to you.

 

Post # 4
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry you feel this way. I think its normal for Catholic brides to get jealous of people who get to put all these fun touches on their ceremony. But the thing is, most other weddings are about the couple, and a Catholic wedding isn’t just about the couple, it’s about Christ. So there isn’t a lot of room for personalization because the point is the same as the point of every other mass – Christ.

That being said, there is a lot of room to make it feel like your own wedding, not just a cookie cutter wedding. They may seem small, but they can really add up to make a difference.

* Think about who you’ll choose for what. There a million roles for people in Catholic weddings. (Cross bearer, readers, gift bearers, altar servers, Eucharistic ministers). If you want to include a lot of people in the ceremony, you can find a role for just about anybody. If you want to keep it small and intimate, you and your fiance, or your Bridesmaid or Best Man and GMs could do just about everything. 

* Get involved yourself. You can do a reading, you can hand out communion, you can say the prayers of the faithful. If you and your fiance do a lot of the parts of the mass, it would be really personal.

* You can write your own prayers of the faithful. We had our family and friends write ours, and it turned out to be really lovely.

* I’m sorry that your church is ugly. :-/ Maybe use it as an excuse to really throw yourself into deciding what kind of flowers you want. Also, ask the church if you can see what linens they have and if they’ll let you choose what to use.

* Music can be really fun. You can can go formal and classic, to folksy, to modern. It does have to be religious, but you can find a lot that will work for you. Check out stuff by David Haas or Matt Maher – they are a little different, but have some beautiful pieces.

* You don’t have to just do the “wives, submit to your husband” reading. There are a lot to choose from, and I think you can even pick other readings from the Bible as long as they are appropriate.

* Your program is a great place to personalize your wedding. Type up a little explanation of why you chose each reading, or what your vows mean to you. Sure, it won’t be read during the Mass, but it’ll let your guests know it’s not just some standard wedding. 

It might seem like all Catholic weddings are just a formula laid out, but they are really so different from each other. I think that working with in a framework makes the couple’s personality more evident, because you can really see what they chose to do and why. Don’t discouraged, I promise you’ll find beautiful music and readings that speak to you. And don’t spend tons of time pining over Bees’ pretty outdoor ceremonies and the like. YOUR wedding will be beautiful too. 

Have you gone to pre-Cana yet? Generally people feel a lot more excited after they do.

Post # 5
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@TribecaBride: I feel the exact same way. And to make it a little worse, I’m not even Catholic. We are getting married in FI’s childhood church because it is really important to his family. Fiance and I don’t agree with a lot of the fundamental church teachings and it is making it very difficult to be excited about the ceremony, the part which is supposed ot be the most important! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you are feeling. 

 

@jedeve: Thanks for all the tips! They are really helping me to feel more excited and involved in the ceremony!

Post # 8
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I second the ideas about church music and prayers of the faithful. Our “suggested” church music was all classical, and Fiance and I are way more into folksy, so I’m hoping to have our folk group play the wedding – and choosing some of my favorite, more casual hymns celebrating love. 

We are also planning on personalizing our own prayers of the faithful. 

My suggestion for the readings is, in most cases, what they give you are only suggestions. Neither Fiance nor I want to use 1st Corinthians (it doesn’t mean much to us anymore b/c it’s so prevalent everywhere) and we don’t want to use the “wives, submit to your husband” reading. I’ve heard a good argument for why that particular reading isn’t “offensive,” but I think it’s one that would go over most people’s heads. I think most people read it quite literally. We are planning on using the Genesis bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh reading, something from the Song of Solomon – which is heavy on beautiful love imagery – it’s basically a huge metaphor for the relationship between God and Israel, and/ or the passage from Ruth, in which Ruth tells Naomi she will go wherever she goes, her God will be her God, etc. Sorry I don’t have the actual passages in front of me – I’ve never been one of those who remembers verse citations. When I get back to my home computer, I can update with the citations, if you’d like.

Post # 9
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@mandi.pitt:

Ruth 1:16-17

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.

“Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.”

To try to personalize our ceremony, we are using this reading (even though it’s not one of the recommended readings), we are using a deacon we are close with, we are also including a secular reading (a poem) as a post communion meditiation.

Post # 10
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@TribecaBride: I am going through something similar to I totally see where you are coming from. Fiance is Episcopalian, I am Baptist (which has a lot more freedom on how to craft the ceremonny). The reverend refuses to do a handfasting ceremony, which is something I have wanted for a long time, because in his research he determined it had pagan origins. We can only choose scrptures from the Book of Common Prayer, which is frustrating to me, because before this wedding I didn’t even know what the Book of Common Prayer was!!! i feel so limited and feel like our wedding is not going to be meaninful to us:)

So no advice, but I empathize with you.

Post # 11
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like you have your church booked already, but just another suggestion, my friend had the same situation as you. It was important to her family that she be married in church, but she also wanted a more personal ceremony. So she got married in church the day before with just her family and then the next day had an outdoor ceremony on site at her reception venue. It worked out well for her because she was able to have the outdoor ceremony she always wanted, and her parents were happy too.

Post # 12
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I second Ms Peach’s suggestion.  That is what we are doing because getting married in church is important to me.  We are having our ceremony on Thursday at 5pm.  Just the exchange of vows and nothing else with a handful of family.  We will then have another on site ceremony for the rest of the family and other guests.

This way I get my church ceremony and my Fiance gets to be as creative as he would like with the onsite ceremony.

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@jedeve:  Great post!

@mandi.pitt: You should be allowed some more “folksy” music, but at most churches, the music director gets to decide what’s played.  If the music director really pushes you, OCP (http://www.ocp.org/) writes more folksy Catholic music, and it’s a part of the Archdiocese of Portland, so you know it’s approved for liturgical use.  Many churches I’ve visited use OCP music during Mass.  I hope that helps.

Post # 15
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@TribecaBride: We are from Owego, NY. It’s right in the middle of Binghamton, Elmira and Ithaca. My Fiance actually went to Pratt in Utica!

Post # 16
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Aww I’m sorry you feel this way. I did for a while too but I feel better about it now. Our ceremony will also be without mass and we have not selected our readings yet, but I like that the bride and groom can choose things that are relevant. The thing I was dreading the most was the music. I’m just not a fan of boring church music, so we are replacing the pianist with a mariachi band! They will still play religious music, but it adds a fun element to the ceremony. Maybe you can play with music and decorations until you find something that makes you happy..and definitely do not use readings that you find offensive. Just ask the priest if you can use a different reading of your choosing instead. Hope it works out for you!

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