Post # 1
Before I start, I realize I’m being a little venty here and I know that there is nothing I can do but smile and be patient, but I’m going to vent anyway because there’s no one I can talk to and I don’t want to take frustrations out on SO, who is seriously awesome, waiting or not, and doesn’t deserve it.
Background: I’m 27, he’s 33, we’ve been together almost 1.5 years, I have some big decisions coming up soon and getting engaged or not will affect those decisions, so we decided that getting engaged would be the best thing for us. We went ring shopping the second week of January.
So now it has been 2+ months since going ring shopping. I thought he went back to get the ring a week later (the card on the dresser disappeared at that time. I don’t think that money is or was an issue, he has a great job, I made it clear that whatever his price range is is cool, he had the jeweler show me only rings in his price range. I asked him shortly after ring shopping what his timeline was and he said that he knows I am impatient and wouldn’t take me shopping if it wasn’t going to happen soon.
In 3 weeks I have major decisions I have to make about where I will live for the next two years. If we are engaged, our relationship will be taken into account and I can probably stay where I am. If we are not engaged, I could be sent anywhere in the country for 2 years, and he wouldn’t even really be able to visit me. I could opt out of the program entirely for up to 1 year, but then I’m putting my future on hold for something that may or may not happen.
I don’t know what to do and hate that I am being put into this situation even after we discussed it and decided that getting engaged/married was the best thing for us. I’m frustrated that I’m seemingly powerless in this situation. What is possibly taking him so long? Maybe he never got the ring? Is it possible that a non custom ring would take over 2 months to come in?
In addition to getting engaged we are going to need to have a date set before this meeting. I feel like that’s too much to handle in 3 weeks and we probably won’t even have that long.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Oh yikes! Usually I’d would say to just chillax, it’s coming… but it seems like this will really make or break your work situation. I think you should just talk to him – tell him you don’t need to know exactly what’s up if he’s planning something, but that you need to figure out the engagement business in the next couple weeks or your company sends you off to the boonies. (This is assuming that you two are really both excited about getting engaged and you’re not pressuring him into it…)
Post # 4
Engaged or not, I think you should make the decision that is best for you. Just because you are engaged, doesnt mean you need to stay put where you are and be physically there together. Engaged or not, if you are commited to each other, 2 years would be nothing if this opportunity is really that important and beneficial to you.
Post # 5
Is he 100% aware of all of this?
If you think he isn’t, you should have a calm, nice conversation about it. I get the surprise thing, but this is your LIFE you’re taking about, and that comes first.
If he is aware, then either he’ll do it, or he’s not ready and whatever, and either case you’ll have your answer.
Post # 6
Well… I don’t know where you went ring shopping or what their production timeline was, but we bought our ring in the middle of January and it wasn’t finished until the middle of March. So it could be that he doesn’t even have the ring yet.
Have you reiterated your concerns to him? Explain that you are fine with getting engaged without a ring and setting a date but it needs to happen asap if it’s going to happen.
Post # 7
Thank you for your responses, they are much appreciated and did make me feel a bit better about my worrying. To clarify, no, I’m not pushing him into this, it’s something we’ve discussed and both agreed is the right thing to do. I’m glad to have a place to vent!
@distracts: Ok – this is actually makes me feel better. He knows exactly what my reasoning is for wanting to push this a bit, we’ve discussed it and agreed after a long discussion. But he hasn’t talked about it recently and I don’t want to sound like I’m pressuring him. Knowing that there is a real possibility he just doesn’t have the ring yet makes me breathe a huge sigh of relief
@pinkshoes: I get what you’re saying, but moving isn’t necessarily a better opportunity for me, it’s just an easier placement. I WANT to stay where I am, but without a good reason, I won’t be able to. So, in addition to being sure we want to get married (we’ve discussed this before and both agreed) getting engaged means I get to stay in a place that I love AND stay with my SO, it’s basically a win/win.
@arathella: Yes, he is 100% aware of this, if he wasn’t I would make him aware! But as it stands, I don’t see much point in nagging him about it when he knows. While we’re both moving a tiny bit faster than we might otherwise, we’re both comfortable with this and have discussed it already. It’s just nerve wracking because it is my life, and 3 weeks is so short and I’m not really sure what to do, but I feel like talking to him about it again isn’t going to help either of us.
@lolot: Yes, I wouldn’t be like this if it wasn’t a huge potential life change. I was thinking that perhaps it would be a good idea to ask him to get a cheap placeholder ring so if it is the ring legitimately taking so long, we can still move forward with plans.
Post # 8
@sweet5k: Then honestly I think it’s out of your hands. He is probably either unsure or he will propose. It sucks for you, but either way you just have to sit back and take his proposal / non-proposal as the answer. In either case, you’re going to be heading toward a new exciting chapter in your life, so be happy about that!
This is an awful situation, but be reasonable. You don’t want him to be pressured into marriage, because that will lead to bad consequences down the road. And if you’re meant to be, you’ll survive the long distance get married when he’s ready. Just don’t get too focused on the proposal, think about how exciting it will be to move to a new city and further your career. I suggest now thinking too much about either possibility.
The ball is in his court, and there’s nothing you can do. Your answer will come in (only!) three weeks, so just do some activities to stay distracted!