(Closed) Ignore this…. no post.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
42 posts
Newbee

@purpleFL99:  

How long have you and your SO been together? Did you decide to get married for financial reasons after a short amount of time? If so, the natural “dating” waiting period may still be in order, or at least still in his mind. You may be married on paper, but maybe he feels like the proposal and actual engagement should still come on his own time, when he feels truly ready. If what is “real” is the proposal and the ring, maybe you should try to bite your tongue, take a deep breath, and step back a bit so he can realize that you really are what he wants!?! I know. . . much easier said than done. . . .

Post # 4
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You are already married and he knows you want a ring and you know he’s making payments so I’d say if possible, try very hard to quit bringing it up. You know it will happen,  it’s just a matter of when and he may be waiting for what is, in his mind, the perfect moment.

 

Post # 5
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I agree with dlbaqua, he knows what you want- maybe he is waiting for the perfect moment.

Post # 6
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@purpleFL99:  So, wait. You guys are already married. I’m cool with that part and I’m cool with the reason being the Insurance, so long as you love one another. What is kind of confusing for me is why you’ve been keeping this a secret from pretty much everyone. Are you worried about being judged?

My parents got engaged Christmas day of 1984. Dad found out a few days/weeks later that he was being sent to Hawaii for business, but that he could only bring his spouse (a new company rule). So he and mom talked about it a bit, then eloped at the courthouse. They didn’t tell anyone until they got back and were incredibly relieved that their families, while a bit sad, were supportive. They still had the wedding, they just changed the wording on the invitations to let people know they were already married in a civil ceremony.

It could be that people will be hurt knowing that you got married and didn’t tell them. But it’s also possible that people will be accepting about what happened. You don’t necessarily need to tell them all the details, but you may want to consider telling people you trust and love the most that you’re already married (only if you’re both comfortable with that though).

I get wanting to have a more normal engagement and wedding experience. However, the important thing is that you guys are married already. I would back off from asking about it for a little bit. Maybe you could calmly bring the topic up again in a few months when things have settled down?

Post # 7
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

For months I was convinced my boyfriend returned the ring i picked out. But I was just paranoid and I think you are too when it comes to that especially if you saw the payment plan . I am the worst person to say this because I am the queen of bringing it up but I say if he says its coming in January promise yourself to shut up till February. My friends now fiance kept lying to her about dates and then bam he proposed when he least expected it.

Post # 8
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Oh and you aren’t engaged you are married and having to hide it may be adding more stress to the situation. Maybe you should just tell people that you are actually married and then be actually married. 

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