(Closed) Starting to get resentful and wanting to avoid pregnant friends

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Hostess
3080 posts
Sugar bee

I had a really, really hard time being around people who were pregnant and hearing about pregnancies or new babies after our son died too. Work was a challenge. We had a patient who was about as far along as I would have been if we hadn’t lost our son, and I broke down in tears and a kind and understanding colleague had to take over for me. When you’re dealing with th kind of loss, a baby shower or a pregnancy announcement feels like salt in an open wound. It just sucks, Bee. You’re in my thoughts.

Post # 32
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know if you’ll find this helpful, I feel dumb even saying this.  But this clip from Sex and the City, no joke, it gets me every time.  Miranda is planning to have an abortion right at the time Charlotte finds out she has a very small chance of ever conceiving.  I think they did a great job of showcasing this unfortunately very common pain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdAU8ckjvXE

Post # 33
Member
7884 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Girl, you feel what you feel, and it’s not wrong. You might have to drop off social media to protect yourself. Right after I miscarried last summer I was approached about cohosting a baby shower (which normally I would have loved to do. But I had to level and be like” sorry, just had a D&C this week- I can’t take that on!” Everyone understood. You need to protect yourself first.

Post # 34
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ive never lost a baby but I have read your story and I wanted to send you hugs. One thing I learned through therapy is that you are allowed to feel more then one emotion at the same time. You can be extremely happy for your friends while feeling sorry and sad for yourself as well as jealous. You have been through hell multiple times, you are more then allowed to feel whatever feelings you have. I think taking a break from social media is healthy….it will always be there when you are ready to go back 

Post # 35
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ryansgirl:  I am right there with you. I hate being jealous, I hate not being truly happy for friends or family that have conceived, I hate that I haven’t given my husband a baby yet. This is so f*cking hard and I hate it!! What was supposed to be one of the most joyful times in our lives has become the most depressing. I feel like I am beyond “don’t lose hope” and “it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen”. I’m just angry and sad and envious. And I hate it.

Post # 36
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We have all been here.. You have every right to feel the way you feel and it is totally normal. It’s hard to see people getting what you want to easily, when you are struggling. Jealousy and resentment are totally normal feelings. Hopefully you get to announce your own special news soon!!

Post # 37
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Just wanted to send you a big virtual hug and lots of baby dust 😊😊

Post # 39
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ryansgirl:  Glad to see you deleted the facebook app. I got off facebook about 9 months ago because of dealing with infertility and it almost immediately improved my mood and outlook because the reminders of everyone else’s successes weren’t shoved in my face. I deleted the app off my phone (and got into instagram a bit more at that point because I could control whose feeds I saw!) and deleted the bookmark from my computer. I didn’t delete my account and still got messages and notifications when others posted on my wall (which wasn’t often once I told my friends I was off facebook). I hope this gives you a nice break from the constant reminder! Nothing hurts more than wanting something so badly and seeing so many people around you getting it. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping your turn comes sooner than later!

Post # 40
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I hear ya…I have had 6 close friends (yes..6) have babies in the past year. We can hang in there together!!!

Good ideas about deleting Facebook off my phone……might need to go that route soon 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  mrsblueeyes.
Post # 41
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your feelings aren’t something that you can control, so you shouldn’t feel guilty for them. You have had a tough road, and it’s only natural to feel resentment towards those who had an easier one. That doesn’t make you wrong, it makes you human.

I agree with you that a FB break is probably a good idea for yourself. I know when we struggled I was so worried about hurting other people that I didn’t respect my own emotions enough, and I would just let things build until I’d snap. It wasn’t healthy, and I wish I had learned to respect that while the way I was feeling was “ugly”, and not the way I WANTED to feel, it was nonetheless how I felt, and I needed to accept that those feelings were just part of my grieving process.

Post # 42
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

You should do what is best for you. If that means deleting social media, so be it. You will hopefully feel a little less pressure. The only advice I will give you is that if the people you have unfollowed  happen to be close friends instead of old school friends, please talk to them. Explain to them that you are hurting and just need a break. Don’t leave them wondering. They are your friends. They will understand… and hopefully knowing that you are going thru a rough time can truly be there for you.

Post # 43
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I unfollowed my pregnant best friend, SIL, and everyone else pregnant on fb and Instagram. It was so much easier. I never have flashes of their pregnant bellies in my head. I actually even unfollowed my Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law and no one has said anything. I have no regrets in doing this. It’s just too hard. I still struggle with pregnant people in person. I ate lunch unexpectedly with a knocked up classmate and I felt like I couldn’t breathe for most of the lunch. It sucks. You’re not alone and cut yourself some slack.  Also, for what it’s worth I didn’t “warn” anyone that I was unfollowing them and it hasn’t been a problem. 

Post # 44
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ryansgirl:  i feel for you bee. before we started ttc i was over the moon for anyone who fell pregnant now every annoucement makes me feel worse and worse. The unplanned ones are the worst 🙁  sending you hugs

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