(Closed) starting to get the better of me….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in a very similar situation except R is all ready to give me the ring with my “real” proposal but our jeweler (R’s BIL’s dad) is taking forever to order it and ship it out. (Try that on for irritating… poor R had a date set this month to propose, only to find out that the jeweler had gone on vacation for the fourth or fifth time since September, and hadn’t ordered the setting yet.) 

Anyway, can you talk to your SO about how things are going? Not in a pushy way, but just ask for an update. Let him know your concerns. I  think it’ll ease your mind a lot. It doesn’t have to take away the magic and surprise of that “real” proposal. 

Post # 5
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

JennHas Feet, I know what you mean, it is hard to really get in full swing of things without  that ring. You just made me realize that Howard has not really proposed to me yet either. He has told everybody that he knows that we are engaged, but you guys are the only friends that I have told. I’m just embarrassed to do it without the ring and you know how we women are… we want to see the ring! Good luck to you. I know mine is coming soon and then I can really get into the planning bliss! My advise is to keep planning and doing all that you can do towards your wedding because that planning time is going to move by you quickly. I’m still planning but I feel that I could enjoy it a lot better if I had my ring!

Post # 6
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Honestly, since you’ve already planned so much, and the wedding is only 8 months away, I think you should talk to him. I know you don’t want to ruin the surprise but since it is starting to affect you negatively as you stated (nightmares, etc) I would say it’s high time for a chit chat. The venue that you want won’t be available forever, so you definately need to have that settled, but at the same time I agree with you entirely about not putting a deposit down on it yet. You asked if you should be surprise when he proposes – I think that depends on how much you’ve talked about it and/or been planning already. It’s really easy to be surprised if it’s never been brought up at all, and then out of the blue you get a proposal. I would say, since the two of you have already been planning it, it’s less about the surprise at this point and more about the affirmation of the decision that seems to have already been made. As women, we NEED that ring. I hope you can somehow get this across to him. If it’s the surprise that matters most to you, and you think you can survive the worrying and nightmares until he proposes, then just don’t mention it. At this point though, I’d be a lot more interested in the proposal itself, surprise or not. Hope my POV helps!


Post # 7
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011


I think it definitely sounds very frustrating and I totally agree with everyone that asking about how things are going will help with the process tremendously.  One thing I try to keep in mind constantly is that it’s easy to forget how much pressure the man feels about the proposal; it’s supposed to be his moment of professing his love to you and asking you to be his bride and his one and only for life! A lot of guys may feel nervous about getting it “just right,” especially around wedding season when we girls are full of romantic tales about how other men have proposed (and when my SO hears these stories, he definitely gets a pointed “look” the entire time, the poor man lol). He may also have already decided on his proposal idea, but it may require a certain event to happen or a certain kind of weather – either way, some factors may delay the proposal that are out of his control, depending on what it is.

Hope that helps and good luck!

Post # 8
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Are you going to get a proposal? I don’t say that to be snarky, but to make sure. My father never proposed to my mother – they decided they wanted to get married, so they went ahead and did. There was no ring, no grand gesture. Just a conversation between two adults, and a lovely wedding (and happy marriage). It sounds like what you’re describing. This isn’t the end of the world 🙂 So first I’d find out if there is a proposal/ring coming. If there is, but you need to be planning in the meantime for some reason, keep up what you’re doing! If there isn’t, I guess you will need to come to terms with it and be happy about your wedding and marriage without that part. Good luck – sounds really frustrating!

Post # 10
322 posts
Helper bee

Just talk to him about it – explain that you understand thar he wants it to be romantic and a surprise but there are practical and logistical problems you face about getting YOUR choice of venue, photographer etc. especially since you guys are moving away and will not be in Michigan indefinitely after the proposal. He probably has the idea that you can plan a wedding in about 5 months, not realizing the actual timelines required.

Or maybe, he plans to elope or have a surprise wedding all planned out (I know its highly unlikely, but a girl can dream right)? Smile

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