(Closed) Starting to have wandering eyes and more…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9659 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Hmm perhaps read a book like The Passionate Marriage? It is good that you realize these feelings are bad and you want to stop them in their tracks. Perhaps talk to him about your sex life and how it is currently lacking? Communication is key 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

How does he respond when you initiate sex?

Post # 7
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I read your post and I am confused because you have been in a 2 year relationship and not having sex for 2wks causes you to think about other men? What is really going on? I have a high sex drive and my Fiance has been in Afghainstan for over a year and I have not ever thought about sleeping with someone else. What if you FI got hurt and couldnt have sex for 6 months what would you do? Have you asked your FI what is going on? Men having difficulty expressing themselves when it comes to what is on their mind. He could be stressed because of the move, the upcoming wedding, work, money, etc. Men go to the gym to think and workout what is going on in their heads by lifting weights (dont ask me why my brother told me that). Once you find out why he hasnt be in the mood. You need to look within and find out what is going on with you that would make you think that would be a possibility (cheating) or it is a thought that you might act on?  

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissThespian:  I know how you feel. Fiance and I are both very young and things have been…dull lately. Many women expect their man to be the horny one all the time and think something is seriously wrong if they’re not (me included).

Have you asked him why he hasn’t been as interested lately, without asking about cheating? Maybe its time for a heart to heart talk and tell him how it makes you feel. I really doubt it’s because you’re overweight. He’s with you because he loves you. Honestly I don’t think (mature) guys care that much about extra weight.

I sometimes feel the same way you do. I’m like “jeez, I know a lot of guys would love to get with me, and here Fiance is, not interested”. Personally, his problem is stress and he was on anti-depressants for a long time. 

Maybe he just has his mind on something else (not women) and you need to talk to him seriously about it. 

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MissThespian:  I know exactly how you feel. I’m overweight too and it does major damage to my selfesteem when Fiance and I dont do it as often as I would want too. I really have no advice, just know you are not alone here 🙂

Post # 10
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I dont really get why you’ve been thinking about other men when you haven’t had sex in less than 2 weeks. That’s not long at all. I get you’re concerned since this is the first time it has happened but yes, it was bound to happen. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed for a sexless, loveless marriage. Seems like you need to get your self esteem issues in order because you’re not being fair to yourself or to him. Jeez, I’d really hope my Fiance wouldn’t start looking at other women after 2 weeks!

Post # 11
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ummm, I would be concerned about the state of my relationship if I had a wandering eye after no nookie for 2 weeks! Either do something to boost your self esteem stat or have a proper conversation with your fiancé and get to the bottom of the problem. 

Post # 12
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes, I would be concerned too. I wouldnt ever start thinking about anyone else, never mind 2 weeks!

I think you need to communicate with his here… i do hope you can get this cleared up and maybe do some work to remind yourself of why you love him so much and why you are attracted to him in the first place.

Post # 13
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissThespian:  

Have you initatied sex ? Have you made time for that ? 

Watching Porn (in my opinion) has nothing to do with you but is a quick fix to build up. Also, regardless of your weight, I really do not think (from experience here) that he is less attracted to you especially since you are engaged. 

My advice is to sit down and talk about it, be open. 

Post # 14
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

After just two weeks without sex you are already thinking about having sex with someone else?! Why don’t you guys sit down and have a calm, rational adult chat about it rather than looking for some on the side. 

If you get married, thare are surely going to be periods of time where you will go without sex for longer than 2 weeks (e.g., extended illness, etc). It may be better for you two to get this all out in the open now about how you will deal with it, since I don’t think starting to look for someone to cheat with after 2 weeks is really going to make for a healthy marriage (unless you both agree to an open marriage).

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