Starting to Resent Boyfriend for No Proposal

posted 1 month ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

He’s outright told you he’s not going to propose anytime soon, along with giving you a million and one excuses why he hasn’t yet. He clearly doesn’t care about the distress it is causing you.

Leave now, there’s no point in setting a walk date – he won’t meet it.

Post # 17
Member
605 posts
Busy bee

This is really very simple. 

He doesn’t believe you when you say you’ll leave. He’s calling your bluff. Make him regret it. 

This man isn’t going to marry you unless you force him, and that will never, ever lead to a happy life together.

If you’re living with him, find your own place, take a day off of work, pack your things, and be gone when he comes home. Clean break. Block his number.  

If you own the home, take the day off of work, pack his things, leave them on the porch. Set a letter on top telling him you’re not interested in hearing from him. Mean it. 

If there are small details to work out, do so, but not until you’ve had a cooldown period. 

Post # 18
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

Your boyfriend is a weak, weak man. 

You are just fine. You are good enough for him to date you for 6 whole years, good enough to bring around his family and friends, good enough for those family and friends to think that he SHOULD marry you. You are liked, you are appreciated, you are valued. 

Your boyfriend’s issues are his own – but he is so effing weak and pathetic that he is blaming YOU rather than do something about the situation. If there are issues in the relationship, he can communicate about that with you and work to fix it. If he is unhappy in the relationship or unwilling to get married, he can let you go so you can find happiness with someone else. But no. Not him. He’s too weak for that. Instead, he’s going to keep you in his bed and in his life, because it is easy and convenient for him. He’s going to keep you waiting for years instead of doing the right thing. And then he’s going to tell you that it is all YOUR fault, and lie about how he can’t do it right now so that you think that he’ll do it when it’s a ‘better time’, and the whole time he KNOWS he’s just putting you off because he’s too weak to do something. 

He doesn’t want to marry you, but that’s his problem, not yours. There are 7.5 billion people in the world and a lot of them are men. There are probably a million men right now who would be over the moon if they thought you would marry them. Every single day you knowingly spend with someone who doesn’t want to return the love and commitment you can give, is a day you choose to spend stuck in the same situation and not meeting one of those million men who would never dream of putting you through this.  After spending 6 years with the same person it’s terrifying to think about getting out there and being single again, but honestly most people in this situation that I have known ended up being married within 3 years or so, with a better man, and MUCH happier for it. Go out and find a stronger man. 

Post # 19
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Girl, he could care less if you leave or stay.  That’s all the info you need to help you what to decide to do next.

Post # 20
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to leave him yesterday. There is literally no man on earth that is worth putting uo with this kind of treatment.  Language is very telling. IF we get married tells you all you need to know – he’s waiting for something better to come along. I’m sorry.

Post # 21
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

Oh gosh. You don’t have time for this.

Post # 22
Member
2789 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

So.. he has literally told you that he doesn’t care if you leave. 

Even the threat of losing you entirely isn’t enough to motivate him to propose.

It could not be ANY clearer that he has no intention of proposing. Not now and probably not ever. 

Don’t waste any more of your time.

Post # 23
Member
24 posts
Newbee

ifitsworthsavingme :  I’m so sorry but he doesn’t want to marry you. There’s a possibility that he might propose, but a date never will be set. However, when he meets “the one” his reluctance to marry will disappear. (Been there.)

Post # 24
Member
398 posts
Helper bee

Bee, I think it’s time you get angry. Your bf is such an asshole! He is a spineless, manipulative gaslighter who is not only too much of a pussy to admit he won’t marry you, but he blames it on YOU that he has failed to propose for FOUR YEARS. And his excuses are so insultingly stupid!!!

The worst thing here is not that he won’t marry you. It’s that you are saddled to a LOSER and a dickish one at that. 

And he has the nerve to say “well leave then if you can’t wait” as if you’re just SO impatient for wanting a commitment after SIX EFFING YEARS! It’s normal to expect a commitment after all this time!

He’s also arrogant enough to think you won’t leave him. Get angry and call him out on all of it- pull the rug out from under him. 

I think he doesn’t respect you, because right now, you are showing that you don’t respect yourself by tolerating this bullshit.

You need to get angry and stop putting up with this- raise your standards and someone better WILL WANT to meet your standards when you show that you value yourself. Not with this douche canoe though- he’s shown what a terribly selfish partner he is and he’s a terrible liar on top of it 

Please learn from this, bee. You need to have standards for yourself- good men like women with standards who value themselves and hold people accountable. Take some action and start feeling better!

Post # 25
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

futuremrs2020 :  Gotta agree here!  There won’t be a “perfect” time to propose.  My partner and I are currently going back to school and there were issues w/family health problems.  He still proposed though after almost 2 years of dating.  When someone tell you to leave, they aren’t all that interested in you…

Post # 26
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I’m sorry OP, but if he is saying stuff like “leave then,” then it’s time to leave. I know it’s painful. I’ve been in a similar position to yours. Like another poster said, just disappear. If you live with him, take a day off, pack everything and leave. If he’s living at your place, pack his shit and leave it in garbage bags outside your door. Change the locks. Have the police on speed dial. No note, no messages, block his number, make sure he can’t find you. He is a piece of shit, it’s clear he doesn’t care, and he should be ashamed he has tortured you this long. But clearly he isn’t.

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