Post # 1
Hi Bees! I took a break from wedding planning because I am also grieving the recent death of my father. I’ve decided the other day that I’m ready to start planning again (picking a venue, colors, sending out STDs, etc.). However, my Mom is making this experience more about her. My fiance and I originally wanted to marry this November. She first requested that we wait one year afer Dad’s death to tie the knot (01/02/2018).. So we changed the date to March 3, 2018! Now that I am ready to begin planning again, she doesn’t want to even begin planning until JANUARY. Planning a March 3 wedding is unrealistic for anyone with 100+ guests. The wedding will be held in Florida and we do not want a summer wedding; it’s way too hot. That’ll leave us having a wedding in spring 2019 because fall/winter are out of question (fiance birthday, my birthday, thanksgiving, christmas = too many dates).
Is it irrational that I’m upset she’s making this about her? Am I being selfish?
The way I see it is that my fiance and I are planning a date that is best with our lives. Should I tell her that I want to continue anyways…
Post # 2
sorry for your loss.
is your mom paying for the wedding? if not, then start planning when you are ready.
Post # 3
You were respectful in postponing a full year because of your father’s death. I would personally be loathe to wait any longer. I understand your mother is grieving (and I’m sure you are too!), but life does go on, and waiting more than a year to get married seems excessive.
If your mother is paying for the wedding, that complicates matters, but I still don’t think it means she gets to unilaterally dictate when the wedding will be. I would just try to have a calm conversation with her about it. Tell her you miss your father too but you’ve already postponed a year, and you don’t think your dad would want you to put your life on hold indefinitely, especially not when it comes to getting married. Tell her you’ll handle all the planning and you just really hope she can get on board with a March wedding, which is still 9 months away.
If you are paying for the wedding yourselves, then I would still have the converstaion with her, but in this case be very firm that the wedding will take place in March and you hope she can get on board.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2017 - Baltimore. MD.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know a little about how you feel. I lost my father a few years ago and I had to postpone my wedding twice because of my mother(I’m really close to her and I wanted her approval and happiness). My then fiance passed away 2 months to the new wedding date. It’s been almost 3 years now and I’m getting married to a wonderful man and truthfully, I have no regrets about postponing it then. Now, my mother says our wedding can’t come soon enough.
I’d advise you to follow your heart. Do what feels right to you. You won’t regret that.
Post # 5
I’m not a believer in postponing a wedding for any reason other than the bride and groom not being ready. Maybe your mother doesn’t want the stress of being involved in the planning, it might be a good idea to hire a wedding planner or get help from other people in the family so she doesn’t feel the pressure/stress. Its more than just a wedding, you two want to be married and spend your lives together, and that should be a decision between you two.
I think it was good of you to wait a year for your mom. But if she is changing her mind again there is a good chance she will never actually be ready
Post # 6
You’ve already postponed it. If she doesnt want to help plan, she doesnt have to. Who knows what her next stipulation is going to be? Do you really think your dad would want you to keep pushing this off?
Post # 7
Hi Bees! Thank you for all your input.
My mom and I went out looking at venues today for “fun” and fell in love with a restaurant on the harbor, ceremony on the deck, and buffet style reception. My fiance and I want a casual reception (less stress and more affordable for us).
We booked it for MARCH 3Rehearsal Dinner, 2018 & it was her voice that said “Wow I love this place, lets book it now.. I am VERY surprised by this. Maybe she realized how excited we are to get married.
Thanks for all your support!