(Closed) starving bridesmaid, no vegetarian food offered at wedding

posted 9 years ago in Food
Post # 167
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@mrs_brownie:  Actually, if your body becomes accustomed to not eating meat it will be sick until it is used to it. I love my meat but I know a lot of people who are vegetarian that ate meat by accident or others that don’t eat red meat and they were so ill when they had a bite.

Post # 168
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Can you at least eat the sides? Ask the catering staff to make you a plate without the meat portion or any gravy.

Post # 169
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Brideonabudgetlauren:  that is so thoughtful of you to make the vegan mac and cheese! I agree with you, I would have felt terrible if anyone had left my wedding hungry. I actually found out two days before my wedding that the soup everyone was being served had chicken stock in it so I emailed all 13 who ordered vegetarian to warn them. They had a salad and a veg entree to eat, but I still felt a little bad they couldn’t eat the appetizer!

Post # 170
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Wow!! As a bride you have to take meal restrictions and allergies into consideration for everyone! I have a gluten free friend. We are having the chef make her a special meal! Shes a bridesmaid too and I cant have herstarving. And at the rehearsal dinner last night she brought a gluten free aalad from Bjs  

Post # 171
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Am I the only one that sees the difference between guest and Bridesmaid or Best Man in this situation? Obviously it’s incredibly rude and self absorbed not to offer your guests food that they can eat, but that’s a different discussion. The audacity of expecting someone to spend all day with you on YOUR wedding day (that they don’t care about nearly as much as you do) and not feeding them apropriately is so rude it’s mind blowing. As a guest you could simply RSVP no when you saw that the menu would be something you can’t eat. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man you don’t have that option unless you pulled out of the wedding (which I’d consider at this point).

Post # 172
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Didn’t realize that about the beans. The bride could have swapped out the beans with a cooked veggie side or salad though. I’m not a vegetarian but I don’t think I’d enjoy eating a big thing of let’s say beef brisket and then a side of beans and pork. Way too heavy. Plus, vegetables tend to be less expensive than meat so I wouldn’t think it would break the bank to swap in a vegetarian option.

But have we established that this is definitely not an oversight? I think the OP should say something, even in a roundabout way like, “hey the only thing I can eat on the menu is coleslaw so do you mind if I bring my own meal?” If the bride legitimately HAS forgotten, she would hopefully be plenty apologetic and change the menu or have the caterer add in a special meal. It would be sad if the OP didn’t say anything, resentment built and the bride had no idea what she did wrong.

Post # 173
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@worldtraveler:  it definitely doesn’t sound like an oversight. The OP said in an update at one point that the bride said months ago there “might not be anything” for her to eat at the wedding so unfortunately it seems like she’s fully aware and just doesn’t care :-/

Post # 174
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m kind of back and forth on this. I’m a vegetarian and clearly there will be a veggie option at my wedding for myself as well as several others. My thing is, I CHOSE to be vegetarian and therefore when I attend a wedding or any event, I don’t expect there to be food to meet my needs and either eat something prior or grab something after. I’m quite honestly annoyed at the people who have listed their dietary restrictions based upon choice all over the RSVP cards- medical reasons? By all means, but otherwise, IMO just deal with it. I don’t think you need to confront the bride, but I think you should have snacks with you to make sure you eat- and really it’s not that hard, things like PB sandwiches, a piece of fruit, a granola bar are all easily taken somewhere and don’t need to be refrigerated.

Do I think a veggie option should be offered for guests? Sure, there may be several vegetarians as well as people who may just not want to eat meat for supper, but at the end of the day- a wedding reception is not a restaurant.

Post # 175
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I think that it IS the Bride/Groom’s responsibility to make sure that all of the guests’ dietary needs are met at their wedding…I don’t understand why some Bees are saying that it’s not..

It’s absolutely rude of her not to offer a vegetarian option! I’m vegetarian also, so I totally understand how you’re feeling at this point.  If she’s sure that you’re the only vegetarian that will be attending, the absolute LEAST that she could do is to buy you something else to eat–it’s only fair because they’re paying for everyone else to eat! I would tell her that you’re doing all that you can to be a great Bridesmaid or Best Man, but you feel as if you’re being left out in regards to dinner–and tell her that sides aren’t a sufficient dinner.  If she can’t understand why you’d be upset that she she’s not offering a veggie option, then I’m not sure how good of a friend she really is…

I hope that everything works out for the best!!

Post # 176
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Absolutely the hosts of any event (be it a wedding, etc) need to consider their guests needs in a reasonable way.  We didn’t offer low sodium, low fat, low carb etc etc but we did offer a vegetarian option, beef, chicken and fish.  You can offer meat and meatless at any budget, so it’s not an issue of money but of consideration and respect for your guests.

Honestly, if I needed to “pack a lunch” or order pizza to a wedding because there was no meal I could eat (and coleslaw is not a meal), I would choose not to attend (if I knew beforehand), or leave once I realized.  Sorry.  It’s not about the convenience or inconvenience of bringing a bit of food in your purse, it’s about the bride basically flipping you the bird and clearly indicating that she doesn’t care about your needs, so why should I stay to celebrate with her?

This bride has known for quite a while that her vegetarian Bridesmaid or Best Man won’t have anything offered that she can eat, so she clearly doesn’t care if her friend eats.  What kind of friend is that?? Not one worth having in my world.  My friends/family and I would never ever dream of mistreating someone like that.  

Post # 177
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Captain013:  Your lack of respect for other people’s needs is a little alarming. This isn’t a mere etiquette issue as it is so much a compassion and understanding issue.

That is quite rude to invite people to an event and “not care” whether or not they can eat. Dietary preferences are one thing, but dietary needs/restrictions are entirely different. Some people have massive allergic reactions or can die if they consume certain ingredients. You are going to tell me that if some ate something and broke out in hives or anaphylactic shock because you were ignorant of their dietary restrictions, that you wouldn’t feel bad? This could have happened because you didn’t ask.

It’s called courtesy and caring. Maybe you should re-think how you treat others. I guess I am just appalled about how blatantly unconcerned you are with the needs and health concerns of others. Especially because it is such a simple and easy question to ask.

Sincerely,

A human being who actually cares about other people

 

OP, I am sorry to hear this happened. The idea of packing a lunch could work, but I would pack something that does not need to be refrigerated, in case there is no access to one. It was a terrible oversight of the bride and definitely not something a friend should overlook. I would eat as much as you can earlier in the day to hold you over as well.

 

 

 

Post # 178
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

In my opinion a wedding is nothing more than a big party. So therefore if I am inviting people to my party I will hve an array of food to accomodate everything I could. Its pretty easy to accomodate a lot of dietary preferances and restrictions. Especially if you are having a buffet versus a plated and waited event.

Post # 179
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jayjaybee:  Totally agree with everything you just said!

For those people who think it’s hard to find out what sort of dietary restrictions someone has.. well just put on the bottom of the RSVP card “Please indicate any allergies/dietary restrictions on the reverse side.”. It’s not that complicated and it’s super easy to accomodate most restrictions – just tell your caterer and let them figure it out. It’s their job – they have tons of experience.

Being vegetarian is not always a choice – there are plenty of religions that do not allow you to eat meat, or if you do eat meat, it must be killed in a very specific manner (halal).

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