(Closed) starving bridesmaid, no vegetarian food offered at wedding

posted 9 years ago in Food
Post # 182
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

while I agree it’s a bit rude since she knows you’re a vegetarian (I only had 1 vegetarian at my wedding but paid for a 3rd veggie option just because of her). But on the other hand, you’re a big girl and need ot figure it out for yourself. I generally don’t think it is the host’s duty to make sure every dietary restriction and allergy of their guests is covered.  

Post # 183
6313 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

In my area when someone chooses BBQ for their wedding, it’s usually a cost thing. It’s a super cheap way to provide a meal for your guests, and for some couples, it’s all they can afford. We don’t bash people who don’t provide alcohol because they can’t afford it, why should this couple add on a whole additional food item for 1 person?


It’s a BBQ place, providing DROP OFF food. BBQ places are known for meat – Pulled Pork, Ribs, Chicken, etc. It’s not like they can “whip up” a pasta dish to drop off with everything else. Maybe the couple can’t afford to provide an additional entree option. 


This may come out heartless, it’s not meant to be, just meant to be direct and honest. You’re an adult, and you’ve chosen to be a Vegitarian. One would assume that you feed yourself in your daily life and that you’re probably pretty used to having to find meal options in places that may not necessarily cater to your food preferences. This is not the end of the world. It’s one day out of your entire life. You say you’re going to be with her all day? Why not pack a few snacks that you can munch on throughout the day while getting ready? 


Instead of making a huge issue out of it, why can’t you call your friend and say, “I’m a little concerned about the wedding dinner, and that there may not be anything for me to eat. Would it be possible to see if they would mind including a large salad full of veggies for me since I can’t eat the rest of the food?”.

Post # 184
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

That’s crazy! No vegetarian options? Not a side dish? Even people who eat meat want something besides meat as a choice. She should at least have grilled veggies. 

Post # 185
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow, seems pretty standard nowaday to have some vegetarian option at a wedding, sometimes even non-vegetarians prefer a good pasta dish or something. I can see this board has taken on the classic argument about whether the food choices are about the bride or the guests, and I go towards the latter. I’d talk to her and ask if she’d be okay with you bringing some food with you, maybe she’d realize how ridiculous that sounds and find a way to offer something else you and anyone else that wants a choice could eat.

Post # 186
23 posts

I’m reading this now for the first time and am absolutely appalled at the lack of consideration some brides have for their guests. You absolutely do not host an event and not provide food that your guests can eat.  That goes double for a bridesmaid who you expect to be with you all day and support you.

At our wedding, we have the following allergies/food choices and all will be provided for.  I would never consider otherwise.

* vegetarian

* gluten free

* dairy free

* tomato allergies

* kosher

In addition, there are people who don’t drink alcohol, so sparkling grape juice will be provided for them.

If I were the bridesmaid in this scenario, I would leave at dinner time and get my own meal.  And I would tell the bride ahead of time that as she has provided no food for me to eat, I need to get something elsewhere.  And I certainly wouldn’t apologize for it.

Post # 187
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Captain013:  Since when is a vegetarian meal something ONLY vegetarians can eat?  Do you ALWAYS eat meat for EVERY meal?  Have you never had a salad?  Macaroni and cheese?  Pasta with veggies?  


If you are the hostess of an event, you should be a gracious hostess and offer enough food for everyone to eat.  If someone is a vegetarian, that should be accommodated, especially since EVERYONE CAN EAT VEGETARIAN FOOD!!!!  

Post # 188
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

FWIW, Emily Post puts the responsibility of having something edible on the guest:

Food Allergies and Vegetarian Options

That said, I would think it’s pretty standard to offer a vegetarian entree as an option at a reception.

I already think we may run into some problems with our cake since we selected a carrot cake and an almond cake as our flavors.  Fiance and I don’t know anyone on the guest list with a nut allergy, but I could see both of those flavors (as well as being served together) causing problems for someone who does.  I’ll probably put a line on the RSVP card to list any allergies or dietary restrictions.

Post # 189
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Are you positive there won’t be a vegetarian option available tableside? We didn’t have a vegetarian option listed on our response card, but at the table, vegetarians and guests with dietary restrictions told their waiter and they got something else. 


This is very common practice at weddings and other catered events. 


 ETA: She’s one of your best friends, so I don’t see why you couldn’t just ask her directly about this situation. IF the caterer doesn’t, in fact have a few vegetarian options with them and/or asked the bride for a count of guests with diet restricitions (which good caterers do, btw)—all she would have to do is call them and ask them.

If I overlooked a friend’s dietary restrictions, and she asked me about it, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Actaully, I’d be happy they asked. The bride has way more important things to stress about than what you can and cannot eat at her wedding!


Post # 190
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@peachacid:  We didn’t want to waste a meal option on a vegetarian main entree. Everyone lived to see another day. Emily post can fine me, I can go to santas naughty list, still don’t care.  

Post # 191
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@vegetariangirl:  i understand your frustration. i am a vegan. I would just let it go and be sure to pack my own food. although, i do find it rude that she didnt attempt to figure out some option for you. She could easily order a select salad at the minimum. 

Post # 193
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe she’s planning on bringing you a sack lunch? :-/

Post # 194
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Asia:  Earlier in the thread, OP had stated the bride’s sister actually said to her (BM) that they wouldn’t have food for her, sorry. If the bride is thoughtless enough to not have a good dinner option for her best friend, I doubt the thought of a sack lunch would even occur to her. I totally vote for bringing a Subway sammy to the getting ready portion, an apple to eat during picture taking, and ordering a veggie pizza for dinner.

Post # 196
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, so much emotion over this issue! Although it would have been thoughtful to provide a “vegetarian option” at the wedding, at least there’s cole slaw. And I can’t believe there wouldn’t be any kind of bread. And there’ll be cake. I like the idea of asking about a big green salad.

But I really don’t see that this is something to get all overwrought about. It’s only one day! Suck it up and put on your big girl pants – there are going to be lots and lots of occcasions in your life where you might not get fed exactly how you’d like to be, and it’s better to be prepared to just go with the flow.

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