(Closed) Stay at home mom or go back to work?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 17
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I thought I would never want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom…. Then I have birth to my beautiful baby 12weeks ago… She is my world, I would give anything to be able to stay home with her!! It’s not financially  possible, I’m the bread winner and have the insurance for us all… So while it’s nice to plam ahead… Maybe just plan to wing it!? You may want to go back and you might not! 

Post # 18
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom, some days/weeks you feel unfulfilled and well…kind of useless but the rest of the time makes up for it. Nothing competes for me. My Dear Daughter has not suffered socially from being at home rather than daycare. Could you look at home based childcare? Not sure how it works in Canada etc but in New Zealand it’s really growing in popularity and it’s very affordable. You may decide you love being home though and be happy with it 🙂 

Post # 19
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site

I went back to work after 8 months with my son and will probably do the same with the next baby.    We do have subsidized daycare here, but we make more than the maximum amount so we get the bare bones minimum subsidy, it’s still expensive.  That being said, even if I pay the full amount, like 800 dollars a month in childcare, that’s only one week of salary for me, I still have another 3 weeks that I bring in extra.    My husband makes more than I do, we really can’t justify the loss in wages for me to stay home.   Also, my son NEEDS the social interaction, he’s so friendly and sociable, we woudn’t put him in a home daycare either,  I don’t trust them, and I don’t like the idea of the kids being all different age groups, my son does really well with kids his own age, large groups, he learns well, and he’s got two languages fluently already at age 3.    He’s in a large daycare center, there are probably 50 kids or so, lots of educators too.

I got laid off right before my wedding, fun right?  LOL, I was running like a headless chicken tryint to finish all the projects, then after the honeymoon, I was off for two weeks before I started another job, and I wanted to hang myslef.  I could NOT be a stay at  home parent, there’s really only so much cleaning you can do to keep busy, I was a lazy ass for two whole weeks.   I sometimes took my son to daycare, sometimes kept him to spend time together and do some things, but really, it gets old.   Especially with limited income, we couldn’t go to that many activities and stuff, everything got boring.    And that was only two weeks.

 

I need to go to work to keep my sanity lol.   But seriously, we can’t justify the drop in income.    Mayyyyybe if we had two in daycare?   But even then.    We planned to wait till our son was this age before TTC again, so we wouldn’t have two in daycare for that exact reason.    If we have twins, we’re screwed, lol!!!

 

Post # 20
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Commenting to follow until I have more time, great question OP.

Post # 21
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@missjewels:  CBC’s Doc Zone had a wonderful episode the other day about this very same topic. I know I don’t want to be a sahm (although my views may change once I have my baby), but I found this episode really showed both the pros and come of being a mom vs working and how to balance it all http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/m/episodes/motherload

Post # 22
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@PacificMrs:  my reasons are exactly the same as yours!

Post # 23
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think I’ll know until I have a baby. Right now, I’m more inclined to say that I will want to go back to work. During the process of TTCing, my husband and I have discussed this topic and how much we both loved that we grew up with our moms as SAHMs. But given more available child care options in current times, not sure if I want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.

A top child care in our city is $1800 and having a nanny wlll cost us $2300. Although we could live off on husband’s salary, I don’t know if I can put a hold on my career and forego on my monthly salary, which is more than the two figures combined. I received my MBA at a private school and spent good amount of my savings to pay for the tuition. I would like to replenish my savings. 

I would be open to working part time so that I can work in the mornings, and still enjoy quality time with my child in the afternoon. 

 

Post # 24
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I work only 3/4 time – Monday – Thursday from 8-3. I am hoping that if I do get pregnant – that the timing is good. I would like to have the baby in March-April-May. Thats a nice 3 month window – just hoping we can time it out that way. Then I could be off work for about 7 months at most or 5 months at the least. That would be ideal to me. If the baby is born in a different month, then we will have to decide what to do. Yell

Post # 25
Hostess
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Both my Darling Husband and myself had SAHMs until we went to kindergarten. We’ll be doing the same. I make diddly and Darling Husband makes enough to support us. (Small home, small mortgage, small taxes). I have my life savings to dip into if we need, it’s all worth it since I’d want to be the one teaching my kids. I don’t want to hear from daycare that our LO did this and that. I would be sad to miss their moments! I say all of this now. Let’s see what happens when we get KU and actually have the kid!

Post # 26
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Snowden:  OMG do people actually try to say that your kid suffers socially because no daycare?!?! THAT is ridiculous.  I will work and my kids will be in daycare, but I would never say its better than having your mom around. 

I think daycare is a compromise you make to continue your job and double income to support a kid in diff ways later in life, it isn’t something that should be touted as better.  So silly!!  Both stay at home moms and working moms provide advantages and disadvantages to their childrens’ lives by their choices.  I would DEF say a big plus for you is that if anything your children have a better experience during the daywith you around. 

 

Besides kids get insane amounts of social experience once they get into school. 

Post # 27
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Even though I’m not a huge fan of my job I would be wary of completely leaving the work force and go down to part-time instead of quitting work entirely.

Post # 28
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Kathy1208:  You would not believe some of the stick I get for it haha. One of my ex best friends has a boy the same age and she works in childcare, whenever we see her she leans over my daughter and says “I’ll get you in to school soon, don’t worry!” She’s the only one of her friends who doesn’t go to daycare/preschool and she is the only one who had no issues with sharing and doesn’t hit! haha we are expecting number 2 in September and when Dear Daughter turns 3 in December we get a subsidised 20 hours free childcare which we MAY use for a couple of mornings a week just so baby gets one on one time with me like she did. Other than that she will be home until she starts school…and we may home school for the first 2 years of that because I personally don’t see any benefit at attending school at 5. 

I have NOTHING against mums who use childcare, we have to have a very strict budget in our house to live on FI’s income alone and I understand that not everyone can or wants to do that. I know a small number of people who use daycare and then act like it’s an inconvenience when they have to look after their kids on weekends, in which case I really don’t know why you bother to have kids…

Post # 29
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@missjewels:  I will be a stay at home mum for the next 2 years at least. After that I plan to return to university to study my Honours in Psychology, Post Grad Dip in Psychology and then return to work once I’m finished studying. I want my career and to have an income, but I also want to cherish these moments with my little boy.

Also, with my job I got 5 months maternity pay at 100% of my income, but won’t be returning to my job until I am done studying. My husband can easily support us, but I like to know i can always support myself.

Post # 30
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

If you can afford it I say stay at home with your babies.  You will NEVER get that time back.  Nothing is this world is more important than my babies.  

Post # 31
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. We don’t plan on TTC until my husband finishes nursing school and will hopefully have a job right after. We are working on saving $ now both working full time that way hopefully with his income and our savings I will be able to stay home at least the first year or two! Have you thought about returning after maternity leave but only working part time? If I stay at my current job after I have children I know they are very flexible and I would be able to return part time so I could still stay home a lot with kids but also have bring in some income. 

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