Stay at Home Mom Question — Need Insight

posted 9 months ago in Finances
  • poll: SAHM: Which best applies to you?
    My partner makes enough to cover all of our bills : (47 votes)
    75 %
    I have to work part time/side jobs to cover some bills : (8 votes)
    13 %
    We saved in advance to cover our monthly expenses : (6 votes)
    10 %
    Other: explain below : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    2631 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Not staying at home yet, but will be soon, when baby arrives in April.  My husband makes enough money to cover our monthly expenses, while still saving a fair amount for retirement, small vacations, and unexpected expenses.  Before I leave my job, we’ve saved a good amount that we’ll keep for our emergency savings, enough for our next car, and already bought a house, so we aren’t trying to save for a down payment or anything big like that.  We won’t be able to take as expensive vacations for awhile as we have been taking for the past few years, but we think that’s worth it for me to stay home.

    Post # 4
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    When you’re doing your math, don’t forget to include the additional expenses of raising a child.  You said in order to cover your current bills, your H would need to make $1k more.  There are future bills you need to consider, too.  In addition to the big things like cribs and strollers anda constant supply of diapers, if you are in the U.S., your H will have to cover your health insurance and the baby’s under his plan.

    Post # 6
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Not quite what you were asking, but my husband is going to be a stay-at-home dad when our baby arrives in July. I make more than twice what he makes and will be able to cover all of our expenses (including baby expenses) so I selected the first option in your poll. 

    Post # 7
    28 posts

    I’ve been a Stay-At-Home Mom for 21 years. Keep in mind that some of your bills may actually go down. When I quit my job, we saved on auto maintenance and gas as I was no longer commuting daily. Clothing bills went down; I wasn’t buying expensive suits that required dry cleaning and I began to wash and iron DH’s dress shirts to save $. The grocery bill went down, as we cut back on takeout and convenience foods since I was able to cook more “from scratch.”

    Breastfeeding vs. formula is something you’ll need to decide, but I will say that I don’t think I could have kept up with the pumping necessary if I had stayed at my full-time job…and breastfeeding is much cheaper than formula.

    My Darling Husband is a financial executive as well, and he believes that my staying home helped him advance in his career. How? Because he was able to work late when the boss asked him to and not have to worry about getting to the daycare on time. He never had to miss work to stay home with a sick child (although he did miss a couple of days over the years when I was too sick to take care of the baby). He could say yes to the business trips because he didn’t have to worry about the logistics of whether my job was going to take me out of town at the same time (something that had happened on a few occasions before).

    It was not an easy decision to give up my career to stay home. We considered having Darling Husband stay home instead as we were earning about the same salary at the time, but he ultimately had the most potential for career advancement (with commensurate compensation). Twenty-one years and 4 kids later, I have absolutely no regrets.

    Post # 10
    164 posts
    Blushing bee

    sarathemermaid :  My man makes enough to support all bills, I still work though. I always thought a good rule of thumb is to make sure that if you relied on your husbands income for the time being in having children, if he lost his job, would you guys survive months without that income, and for how long? Just remember that worse case scenrios happen. But congrats on the planning, best wishes!

    Post # 11
    2929 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    sarathemermaid :  I had my daughter 5 weeks ago so I am currently on “maternity leave”.  I use that term in quotes because I technically don’t have any leave.  I was working 2 jobs when I was pregnant – I was working contract as a civil engineer and part time as a real estate agent.  My engineer contract ended 2 weeks before I gave birth.  I didn’t receive any benefits at that job and will not go back to it.  Instead, I am taking a few months off and will go back to real estate.

    So right now my husband is paying for everything.  But I worked my ass off at those 2 jobs in order for me to take several months off.  The plan was originally for me to take 6 months off, but I’m not sure if I’ll take that much time off since I will be missing out on prime real estate season.

    We aren’t able to save nearly as much as when I was working (pretty obvious).  Yes, he has a good job, but our health insurance increased significantly adding the baby.  We wound up getting a different car for me in order to accomodate a car seat (it was nearly impossible to get it in my old car) and I have been unable to breast feed so we had to go the formula route right away.  My husband has massive student loans (had before we got married) and while we’re doing OK, I like having more of an emergency cushion.

    My husband’s brother was just recently diagnosed with testicular cancer and is going through chemotherapy.  He is 5 years older than my husband.  My SIL (BIL’s wife) doesn’t work and they have 3 teenagers.  He was getting his chemo treatments on Fridays so that he could get some rest over the weekend and miss as little work as possible.  But he was just hospitalized with neutropenic fever and is forced to take FMLA to recover.  It has put a huge strain on their marriage because his wife has refused to go back to work, stating that there would be no one around to get the kids off the bus or get them to their activities.  My ILs (hubby and brother’s parents) have offered to help – and her parents have offered to as well – but I’m not sure if she’s stating that wouldn’t be enough or what her adversion to going back to work is.  So my husband and I have talked a lot about this because he works in healthcare and sees this happen all the time.  Bottom line, as long as we can afford it, I will continue to work part time.  I have also seen the marriages of a few of my sister’s friends end at around the 7-10 year mark.  My sister has many friends that are SAHMs that are screwed because they completely gave up their careers to stay home.  They are having a lot of trouble getting back into the workforce because many expect to go back to the level they were when they quit and have done nothing to keep up their skills while they stayed home.

    So I personally think the best of both worlds is to work part time.  That way you’re not completely giving up your financial independence and you wouldn’t be screwed if something happened to your spouse.  But I was always taught not to be dependent on anyone else.




    Post # 12
    28 posts

    ysel :  I agree that you need to plan for possibilities. Though I didn’t work, I kept up with the changes in my field and kept in contact with former co-workers. Should the need have arisen due to DH’s job loss, injury, or (worst case scenario) death or divorce, I would have been able to step back into the workforce, although granted with a few slips down the rungs of the corporate ladder.

    We were also diligent in saving enough $ to build up a cushion in case any of those things were to happen. We’re finally at the point where I’m not sure I’d need to work should DH no longer be able to…although if he was home all day, I might need to get a job to get away from him for a few hours for my own sanity! ๐Ÿ˜†

    Post # 13
    164 posts
    Blushing bee

    jkent9024 :  Haha! what a stress releiver. All of this sounds very good to hear. Personally, beign in that position, i’d opt to make sure I was there raising my child instead of someone else. 

    When I was younger, I always had a babysitter take care of me, os my relationship with my parents was non existent until I reached middle school. Maybe be with your babies as much as possible if you can ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 14
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    Not home yet. I’m not due until the beginning of May and I’m planning to work until then. We have always saved my income and my husband’s income covered everything. We are planning on having 3 children all close together, so I’m planning on being a stay at home mom for 10 years.

    Post # 15
    1412 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My experience is that we can live on one income but we don’t get ahead. My husband has enough income to comfortably cover our bills (and we live comfortably so could reduce our expenses) but our savings are pretty stagnant. Having said that, a significant portion of my husband’s total remuneration goes into a superannuation scheme that will pay off our mortgage within 5-10 years (we’re in New Zealand and it’s part of his career).

    I did return to part time work between my second and third baby which helped us build up our savings again and replace some appliances but I’m now back to being at home looking after the kids.

    I’m a great believer in life being about seasons and figure that spending time at home with our children is more important than gaining financial ground at this point in our lives.

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