(Closed) Stay-At-Home… Wife?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There’s nothing weird or wrong with you, though I think your dream of being a stay at home wife is probably unrealistic. I’m sure many women here, myself included would love to spend all day at home taking care of the house and stuff…however not many people can afford to live this way, especially in this economy. Right now I work to jobs just to build up our downpayment…do I like it? No. I would love to be home however sacrifice is necessary for achieving any dream….and no, life isn’t fair in this regard.

Post # 4
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i don’t think you weird either and i say if your fi can support you both then why not … 

i have a 5 year old son, i work 50 + hours a week in a crappy job just to make ends meat, my fi has moved to working night for us to afford to get married and to cut out the childcare costs. before my fi was on nights my son attended childcare/school from 7am until 5 pm far to long for a 5 year old and he’s done this since he was 2 years old. 

i would love the opportunity to be at home and keep house and be with my son more. i know many couples who don’t work in my city and somehow seem better of than we do. it’s a messed up system here in the uk. but i do believe if one adult can support both then why not. if my fi ever get to a position where he can support both me and my son without me needing to work then… i won’t work, i love the freedom that comes with working but i too resent being at work and not with my son. and this is in no way a critism but i couldn’t imagine being a stay at home wife… that would drive me crazy … but a stay at home mum is a different thing altogether imo. 

Post # 5
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

At the moment I’m a stay at home wife-to-be… This was my FH’s choice and honestly, I like it and I’m terrified of looking for work after the wedding and new year. I know how you feel. I just graduated uni 5 months ago and I have no interest in building a career from my degree or doing anything really. I still have no idea what to do with my life. I was working two jobs to make some extra for our wedding and got stressed and sick and horrible to live with so FH told me to quit. So our arrangement is I stay home and he works and supports us, but he doesn’t hear a thing about housework or anything

Post # 6
2891 posts
Sugar bee

I am part of the 1st generation in my family line who is destined to be a working mother. EVERYONE before me were stay-at-home-moms. And I’m jealous. Being a mom is an insanely hard job and if I do it I want to do it full time. Unfortunately, the economy and this country place less importance on motherhood. Which is insane. I can be a nascar driver, an astronaut, a lawyer, but I can’t be a stay at home mom. What’s up with that?

I still have my fingers crossed that one day we’ll make enough to keep me at home to raise kids, but it’s looking like I’m going to always be the primary earner and we’ll need 2 incomes. Just because being a mother doesn’t come with a 401K plan doesn’t mean it isn’t a job. And I wish someone would recognize that. I didn’t want to be an accountant or chef when I grew up. I wanted to be a mom. So, no, you aren’t crazy or alone. Until motherhood is recognized as a real occupation it’s gonna be a tough dream to accomplish. (Ironic though that daycare is considered a job, but motherhood isn’t, right?)

Post # 7
9814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that IF you can afford it. That’s your choice. I think more people are moving towards that mentality given the current state of our economy.

Back in the day you went to work for payoff. You made a good salary, you had job security, you usually had benefits and a 401k, you were putting money into social security to take care of you when you get older. Now all those things are disappearing for most people. Sure, some people have great jobs and all the perks that go with that. But the average person, sadly, will work a shit job until they are too old to do it anymore or their job gets outsourced.

Then when you’re 80 years old and still working at Wal Mart you think “Where did it all go?” If you’re a homemaker you can spend that time making a nice life for you and those you care about.

Just make sure you have a backup plan in case fiinancially it’s not realistic.

Post # 8
4799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@claireos: I don’t think it’s people not recognizing that motherhood isn’t a job – it’s a very demanding job! But I don’t think it’s realistic that sometimes it’s discussed like people should be paid for taking care of their children.

Post # 9
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think if you can afford it, then do it!!!

Ive been a stay at home wife for the majority of my marriage regardless that I went to school and had some success in my career field. Some people have said to me “omg there is no way I could stay home, that would drive me crazy” well good for you, but thats what I love doing! lol

I love cooking, cleaning, watching my favorite tv shows, decorating our house, being crafty, getting up at 5am every single morning to make DH breakfast and a lunch for work, and as lame as it sounds- being with my dogs all day lol (we dont have kids)  I enjoy everything about being home. You could always get a little part time job if you need to!

Life is too short to not be happy. If your able to do it, then follow your heart and do what you love!!!

Post # 10
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m currently a Stay-At-Home Mom, but started out as a SAH fiance and then was a Stay-At-Home Wife.

I have my masters and I had a job when I met my husband. But it was soooo stressful and caused my migraines to go insane. It just wasn’t worth it for me. So we talked about it (we were living together at the time), and he encouraged me to quit and said that he would support me financially until after the wedding so I could just focus on wedding planning. And that turned into well let’s just wait until after babies because we don’t know what I’ll be like with migraines and pregnancy. And I’ve been home ever since!

At first it was pretty hard for me to deal with. I was so focused on school and work for so much of my life that it became so much of my identity. I had to realize that there was more to me than that. My huband was very helpful and let me know that he didn’t love me because of my job, he loves me for me!

Like everyone says, you do have to make sure you have the finances for it. We’re very lucky that we can afford for me to stay home… but we do struggle sometimes now that we have a baby. For us it’s worth it, we’ve talked about it and we agree that we’d rather me be home with her. But it’s def a change for me because I’m not used to not always having money when I need it.

Post # 11
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can definitely relate to the first part of your post. I was always an A+ student, got a 4.0 in college, but I don’t feel totally happy with the path I’ve chosen for work. I like having structure in my day, though, and don’t think I could stay home unless it was as a Stay-At-Home Mom.

Have you thought about a career field change, or looking for something part time? If it’s not financially realistic at this point for you to stay home, maybe you can find something that will be more fulfilling or enjoyable.

I don’t think you need to factor in people’s potential judgments into your major life decisions, though–if that’s what you want and you can afford not to work, you shouldn’t let other people’s disapproval deter you from doing what you want.

Post # 12
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I often feel like these turn into attacks on working mothers when people refer to being a stay-at-home mother as a “full-time mother”, as though somehow women who work give up motherhood from the hours of 9-5.  That’s ridiculous.  If anything, being a working mother adds additional stressors because after working all day, you still can’t come home and shut your brain off and good luck finding sympathy from your working husband who also worked a full day.

I do NOT believe, as some in this thread have said, that somehow society is not accepting of stay-at-home mothers. Nor do I think at-home mothers deserve a salary. Being a parent requires “work”, but it is NOT a job–it is a commitment and a responsibility based on a choice to have children. Obviously, I am not downplaying the significance of parenthood, but I just can’t stand when stay-at-home mothers go on and on about how much money they’d earn if they got paid for taking care of their own children. Working mothers work just as hard as stay-at-home mothers.

As to the first post, I say if you can afford it, that’s great for you… but I wouldn’t rest on my laurels for the next several years.  The truth is that life is unpredictable and as much as we want to believe that we will live till 90 with our beloved by our side, it doesn’t always work out the way and you need to be prepared to take care of yourself should you ever need to… additionally, you may find that you feel the way you do because you haven’t found the right career. Maybe some time would help provide some clarity. It certainly did for me and now I am studying for a new path that has me excited to join this new field. Much luck to you.

Post # 13
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

If you can do it and it truly makes you happy long term – go for it.  It is your life and you decide what you do with it.

I think the most important thing is to find a balance.  I know many SAHMs, and at one point I was a SAHGF, and the main thing I noticed was that you go a bit crazy (moreso than you would in most work places).  Is working part time at something you really enjoy an option? 

Post # 14
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

View original reply
@MM423: I feel like SAHW’s can make their own structure. I used to have my own cleaning schedule, days that I would grocery shop, do some volunteer work, days that I’d meet friends for lunch, etc. And then I’d always be working on some sort of project around the house. I was always amazed how busy I would stay even though I was jobless!

View original reply
@fembride045: I dont’ think anyone was implying that working mothers don’t work just as hard. It’s just that it’s tough work being a Stay-At-Home Mom too! I think there’s pro’s and cons to each. Even my hubby will fully admit that he has it easier than I do sometimes when he goes off to work and gets a lunch break and bathroom breaks. He comes home to me who’s starving because the baby didn’t give me a break all day long!

Post # 15
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I want to be a home-maker (and someday, stay-at-home mother) too. We are not financially in that place yet… but hopefully someday.

I do half of the cleaning and both of us would be much more comfortable if I were at home all the time to make sure the house is in good shape because both of us come home from our full time jobs and are exhausted and don’t want to clean.

Post # 16
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

To each his/her own! There is nothing wrong with it…but I’ve never even considered it.  Why not? I don’t know.  I gradutated college with a useless degree (like all college degrees other than teaching or an MD) and I was lucky enough to fight thru and end up with a decent job.  By “decent” I mean a job that pays the bills and is 99% secure.  Fiance is still in school and jobless at the moment.  We can’t afford to live on my salary alone so I’ve never even thought about NOT working.

Sometimes I wonder if I’d like to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I feel like I would have so much more time to devote to good things in life….like missions, charity, and basically serving God.  Yes, I believe that you can serve God in every way, but I feel like I spend so much at work that I’m not doing all I can.  Society tells you to go to school and get a job, but there are plenty of things you can do without a 9-5 and still have everything you need and most of the things you want.  I hope to do some research on this once things slow down and when Fiance and I are married and DINK’s. 

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