(Closed) Stay-At-Home… Wife?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 167
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think the only person you really need to convince is your spouse.

It’s not really a choice I would choose for myself unless I was helping to care for an elder parent or was financially viable enough to volunteer regularly.

Post # 168
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011


@lef

@BellsforHer:

I highly doubt that the only way to keep your mind sharp and interesting is by NOT being a stay at home mom. there are so many jobs out there that drain the life juices out of you!

staying at home does not mean becoming boring and uneducated. staying at home can mean being eager to learn on your own, it can mean going to museums, reading great literature, taking courses at the local university and staying engaged in the outside world. THESE are (some of) the things that make you interesting.

having a job does not by itself make you interesting. many ‘working’ moms are boring b/c all they can talk about is their jobs and petty work conflicts!!

regardless. you are making a generalization. and a silly one at that.

staying at home does not make a person boring. being a boring person makes a person boring. it’s up to each individual to ensure that they constantly learn about new ideas, learn new things about themselves and explore the world.

to equate a stay at home wife with a boring wife, to equate a stay at home wife with a stagnant mind is exceedingly arrogant.

Post # 169
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it if that is what you want to do and you and your SO can afford it.  I was fortunate enough to try being a Stay-At-Home Mom for a while.  I HATED IT!!! It seemed like such a wonderful thing to do while I was working but once I got to try it I was bored to tears!  While I was at home, everyone was at work and school and I was starved for adult interaction.  If you’re around people who you can hang out with during the day (assuming you’re reasonably social) then it’s doable.  If not… maybe you want to look into a more fulfilling career or at least a different workplace.  

Post # 170
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so happy to have found this thread! 

Right now I’m a Stay at home Fiancee! It wasn’t by choice at first. I was in graduate school, but had to drop out due to surgery in January. It has been tough going from having a career goal, to staying at home. I’ve had to reevaluate myself, and I actually really like staying at home. I’ve had tons to do all the time! Especially with planning this wedding. Also, my fiancee travels a lot with work, so when he is on a longer trip, I stay with my relatives who live a little more than an hour away. Ive been able to devote more time to our relationship and life has been great! the only cons that drive me crazy: I get bored sometimes, and I hate it when people ask me what I do and when I say I’m not working, they look at me like i don’t do anything. Its really annoying. 

I say…If you can afford it, go for it! Find something that you can do outside of the home, working out, volunteering. Just something to have for yourself! Good luck!

Post # 171
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@CorgiTales: & @lefeymw: ITA!

I’ve been unemployed for over year so I’ve been at home. The thought of going back to work stresses me but not because I don’t want to work, but because I want to do work that I enjoy. In my case running a household (cooking/cleaning, errands, bill paying) none of that equals a full-time schedule. If you manage your time and set routines, it all gets handled, just like it did when I juggled both a FT & PT jobs and/or school. Now throw kids in the mix I know it gets more intricate.

I do imagine that in the future I’ll be a Stay-At-Home Mom (up until they go to pre-school). After that I have no interesting in being strictly a domestic goddess. As much as I’ll love being with them, in the back of my mind I want some autonomy. I would definitely want to have access to income of my own via a at home business or a PT job. Granted, I don’t have kids yet so maybe my perspective will change, however, growing up my mom always worked as did all the women in our family. I’ve seen many women stay stuck in situations because they were economically dependent and had limited options. I also open to working FT and having FH working from home watch the kid (we discussed this). Who knows what the future hold.

But I do agree that this generation has an abnormal amount of self entitlement, me and FH call it the “wa-wa generation”. Our parents worked and hated it didn’t complain anywhere near how much as we seem to. They just shut up and got on with it. I suffer from this too at times, not gonna lie. Even my Future Mother-In-Law is 60+ has a few health issues, yet the thought of not working drives her crazy.

Ultimately its up to you and your FH to figure out what works for you.

Post # 172
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This thread is really, really interesting.

Under no circumstances could I stay at home. I have a huge problem with not being able to contribute financially 50%. It’s my issue and I don’t really know why I feel so strongly about it. I work full time and do most of the housework and grocery shopping….but….I can’t sit still. I hate having time off. I love being too busy.I feel a bit depressed if I have a few days off and have less to do.

My mum was a stay at home mum till i was about 13 and I know I benefitted immensely from it. I however can’t see myself taking more than a few months off when I (hopefully) have a kid.

Nonetheless, I 100% respect every differing opinion stated on this thread. Every situation is different an no one person is right.

Post # 173
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If you can afford it, go for it. You can always get a part time job that you enjoy if you need money or if staying home doesn’t live up to your expectations.

Our parents generation was old fashioned in a lot of ways, but I really think they had it right when it came to family life. Men worked and women stayed home, but quality of life was way higher than it is today in that scenario. Probably because they were paid relatively higher salaries and actually received pension benefits and got more vacation time.

I could stay home if I really wanted to, but DH and I would have to take a huge downgrade in quality of life. Like we would have to move out of the city which means DH’s commute would be around 1.5 hours each way. And we would be pinching pennies like crazy to make ends meet. So for us it wouldn’t be worth it unless my job was making me physically ill. But lukcily I like my job. While it isn’t my dream job, I do enjoy it and like the people I work with (for the most part) and I’m paid well.

Post # 174
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Number 1, there is no way that a Stay-At-Home Wife isn’t sitting on the couch watching an SVU marathon now and then.  Saying otherwise would like saying I don’t surf the Internet at work ;).

Number 2, my husband would laugh in my face if I told him I wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Wife.  Just… no, it would never happen. 

Number 3, I have no issues anyone that chooses to stay home. We should all do what makes us the most happy.

Interesting thread, guys.  Nice to be back after my browser shut me out all day. 

Post # 175
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This thread is actually really interesting.  I have some chronic, debilitating health issues tied somewhat to stress and it plagues my daily school and work life–basically the only solution at this point is pretty drastic and effects whether or not I can have kids.  I will likely be a stay-at-home fiancee when my Fiance gets an engineering job and we move across country (a few months before we get married), luckily he should be able support both of us.  I’m in this interim period where I need to choose the path I want to pursue for the rest of my life.  I’m finishing part of my degree and wherever we end up, I’ll finish the rest of it.  I have other issues like I mentioned that really affect me on a daily basis and being a stay-at-home wife at least in the short term sounds very good until we decide what direction I choose, whether it’ll be having children immediately or me finishing up my degree immediately and applying to medical school.  It looks like wherever we end up I’d have to wait at least a year until I could receive in-state tuition so depending on if I can get a job or not, I may end up being a stay at home wife.

I think the biggest thing is what each partner expects of the other and what is most autonomous in the relationship.  For some, extras like a bigger house, traveling, and retiring early is a huge priority.  For others, passions and happiness in the short term is more important.  I think if both people are happy with the other person’s decisions, then no other opinions matter.  Live your life!

Post # 176
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I didn’t read all of the responses, but I was a stay at home wife for about a year. I was waiting for the military to permanently station us and acceptance into a nursing school so I could start working on my second degree.

  Honestly, if your husband is cool with you being a stay at home wife you should do it. However, always have something to fall back on in case the marriage fails or something happens to him.

 I really enjoyed staying home for a year- I was NEVER bored. My house was immaculate, my husband had perfectly packed lunches, and wonderful dinners every night. I had time to read, kept current on what was going on (I tend to be lazy about that while working/inschool), took up photography, did research on random things that interested me, basically I could do whatever I wanted. Your mind only becomes stagnant if you allow it to.

 My husband loved the dinner/lunch part- But.. I know he’ll also value having a second income when I graduate next December.

 Would I become a stay at home wife again? Never. While I love it, I love making money and saving for our retirement more. I also love that we buy homes each time we move and fix them up (two incomes means we can do more). When we have kids one of us will go down to part time.

 What I’m saying is you have to do what makes you happy and what makes you happy is no one elses buisness. My sister criticized me for staying home for a year citing she felt the need to make money and could never depend on her fiance. Just last month she was complaining her now husband needs to get a better job so she can quit hers. Funny how those things work 🙂

Post # 177
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I haven’t read all the responses, as we’re getting ready to go to dinner. But I’ve really come to hating my job. I want to be a nanny. I’m good at it. And I’ve come to terms that if I can’t do that, then i don’t want to do it at all. Fiance said that’s fine. He said we could make it work me not working. Or doing something small from home.

Post # 178
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Many of us work jobs we don’t care for just to make ends meet. If I could I would by all means be a stay home and do the whole super mom gig, but in reality that’s just a dream. Now, I love my job…1st grade teacher, but the worst part of my job that gets me every day is…I have to hand over my child, who is 4, to someone else and then go to work to be “mommy” to 18 other children and by the time I pick my daughter up at 5do the dinner and bath routine, it’s bed time. You also just never know when an ER is going to happen & then there is no money coming in.

Post # 179
Member
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t really have any desire to develop a career, either. I put off college indefinitely after high school. Always figured I would go when I figured out what I really wanted to do. Well, I’m ten years out of high school and no closer to knowing what would make me happy, career-wise. So I’m just going to keep working my crappy part-time job until we start a family and then I’ll be a stay-at-home mom and I’m really happy with that decision. DH really wants me home with the kids and is comfortable with supporting us financially, so we’re on the same page, which is good!

Post # 180
Member
4883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I dont think I could do this – I’m too independent and I love what I do too much.  Now that being said, I quit the corporate gauntlet and opened my own shop, so of course I’m much much happier than I was before.  It’s really about work-life balance and loving what you do, and I really think that if people were truly enjoying what they do, they wouldn’t mind going to work every day… like I do 🙂

Even if we wanted to live solely off FI’s income, which we potentially could, it would be far too much of a risk for me to just… not work.  Not only would I not bring an income, but I’d also be really hurting my chances of getting back in the game if I decided to go back to work.  How does one explain that kind of break in employment?

Definitely more power to those who choose to do this, however!

Post # 181
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I love this thread.  I have been burned out at work for awhile now.  I have always gone to school or worked except for when my babies were little.  I have to say that whatever anyone wants to do with their life is their decision and they shouldn’t be judged for what they choose.  I took a year off in between working because it was what I needed at the TIME.  Working can be fulfilling and it can also suck the effing life out of you.  I am at the latter part now. 

I just learned our office is claiming bankruptcy today and we will all likely be out of our jobs by the end of the year.  It’s hard to say what I will do.  I would love a little break, God knows I need one, but I think I would love to regroup and actually do something I really enjoy.  I don’t know what that is yet, though.  It’s true you should always be able to stand on your own.  Don’t ever for one minute think your marriage can’t fail or something can’t happen.  You must as a woman be able to support yourself and have a backup plan.

Life is too short to be unhappy.  Do what makes you happy and what you can afford to if you can. 

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