(Closed) Stay-At-Home… Wife?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 78
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@CorgiTales:  I definitely don’t think the chores/errands take 8 hours a day, I’m just saying there are also benefits to the other person. I am personally fine with the trade-off (theoretically, if we could afford it) but obviously to each their own.

 

You do make a good point about bonding while walking the dog, shopping, etc. I guess if she were to be a stay at home wife/mom we’d have to make sure that we replace these with other activities and not just watching TV or something. : )

Post # 79
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

@moonadea: that is very true, but a lot of that can be done for you at a small price.

Groceries delivered for a small fee, $10

dogs walked by a walker (but I enjoy walking my pup so I would miss it),

cleaning lady every few weeks to do the deep cleaning (and we pick up after ourselves anyway so its never really mess) Sooooo worth it!

dry cleaning bag pickup drop off (free if you do enough)

and at the end of the day our double income allows for us to take great vacations to fun spots, go out on nicer dates, go out with friends. I agree that each to his own and there are benefits to both scenerios, but when I work a lot of those chores get done too without sucking my time.

Post # 80
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@CorgiTales: Im guessing there are some men out there who are fine with this?  If so, I dont see a problem, ya know? What I was trying to get as before is, where are these men?  I dont think they exist in my generation, lol. 

@lefeymw Agreed.  I’d rather just pay people to do this stuff for me.  FOR ME (not judging anyone), there are so many other things I can do with my time. 

Post # 81
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@lefeymw: I was going to just agree with you and say that I share some of the personal feelings you metioned, but after reading to the end, now I’m scared!  Phew!  I’m so worried that I am becoming the friend you described.  I know that doesn’t have to be the case for every SAHM/W. but my world definitely has gotten much smaller and I joke with my friends that my conversational skills are limited to toddler speak.  You voiced my deepest fear…

Post # 82
Member
5166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@CorgiTales: I really agree with you!! I think you made the point very clear. If my husband said he just didnt want to work and wanted to just stay home when we didnt have any kids to take of,  that would not sit well with me.

Post # 83
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

@lefeymw: I also feel mentally stagnant. I need to feel challenged and to have more interaction with people. The reason so many people age quickly when retire is because they stop challenging their brains. I think in order to stay young, and honestly interesting to talk to for your husband, your friends and even for yourself, its important to have things to talk about.

 

THIS.

I know that my SO or my friends would not find me interesting to talk to if my life revolved around cooking and cleaning.

My SO and I both work full time jobs, and I am part-time student. We still manage to do the food shopping (we do this together every Saturday), we manage to keep our house clean by joint effort, and doing the dishes takes maybe 10 minutes after the meal. Even with my full-time job and part-time studies, I find the time to make dinner almost every day. I usually cook because I finish work an hour before he does, so I usually have it ready for him when he gets home. I don’t need to be stay-at-home wife to do all those things.

Post # 84
Member
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@Aubergold: Right, and I agree. Ultimately whatever works for two people in a relationship is fine. There are a lot of things that other people do in their own relationships that I don’t understand or agree with– but its none of my business. Until you make a thread about it and ask my opinion on it 🙂 So yea– if the OP and her guy are cool with this– fine. But my opinion, if I’m asked? Adults should work unless they have a better reason not to than “I don’t like working.” 

Post # 85
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

@bells: I second that. If my SO said that to me I think I would lose a lot of respect for him.

Post # 86
Member
4107 posts
Honey bee

i go back and forth on this.  my whole life i have been career and school driven. i am currently thisclose to finishing my last degree (and i am 31!), so you would think i would finally want to start my career. however, the past few months since i finished my internship, i have become a stay at home wife who is also supposedly working hard on her dissertation everyday.  However, i have found i really like this life! I have started cooking good meals for my DH for the first time ever, i have time to work out and do things around our home.  And i am like, all i need are some kids and i am set. i could totally live this life, who would have thought?!   BUT, now its been 4 months and i admit i have days of extreme boredom. I had a job interview last week as i am looking for part time work and i realized just how excited i was to potentially have this job as it is exactly what i am looking for careerwise.  

So i agree with bells that i would (i am) getting a little bored being alone all the time during the day.  (though if we had more money, perhaps i could go and do things like shopping more often to alleviate my boredom, LOL).  So for long term, i think i would be happy working part time. that would be ideal.   When i was working full time last year, by the end of year i hated it.  But what i hated was that it sucked all my time and energy.  If i could permanenly work 3 days a week in a fulfilling career, i think that would be the perfect balanace.   DH is open to this idea once we are financially secure and student loans are mostly paid off, so maybe i will get lucky one day and have that balance.

Post # 88
Member
4107 posts
Honey bee

@bells: ironically last year while i was working full time at my internship, my DH was on his turn to stay at home and finish writing his dissertation.  And i must say, he was quite the amazing house husband!  I came home to delicious meals, my lunches were made, he did most of the cleaning.  If i wanted to work full time, then that was also something i could have gotten used to!

Post # 89
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would love to be a stay at home house wife! But sadly lack of money says no 🙂

Post # 90
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know I already said my peice but OP got me thinking about what we learned in Women’s Studies about stay at home wives/moms. They cannot receive SS benefits to the best of my knowledge, and I’d be worried about what would happen to you if God forbid anything ever happened to your DH. For this reason I think it would be important to have a life insurance policy on DH. We are doing this in case anything happens to DH, he would want our kids to have money for college, in case I ever lost my job etc. if anything ever happened to him.

We are also sharing a checking account. I’ve been warned with horror stories of women who have to leave their husbands due to abuse or what have you and have no access to their money have money of their own. Although we believe in sharing an account, I have my own account with a certain amount to protect me and the kids or to use in case of an emergency with our joint account. Not that your DH would ever do anything where you would have to leave him, but it would be safest to have an account of your own with a set amount of money in it that DH cannot touch.

I just think if you decide to be a Stay-At-Home Wife your DH technically has all the money. Just make sure to protect yourself.

Post # 91
Member
3786 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I feel exactly the way that you do, OP. I loved going to school, I am not lazy but I really do resent working. I love the days when I get to be home and focus on what makes me happy, taking care of my husband and our household. Right now I’m working because we are saving money for a down payment on a new house and this is the fastest way to get it done, it’s a sacrifice that we’re both making. I plan to be a Stay-At-Home Mom when we have kids and that’s exactly what my husband wants as well.

My husband is a lot happier/relaxed when I’m happy and relaxed and working does not help me feel either way. He is much happier with me being at home. I spent some time in between jobs being a stay at home Fiance and we both absolutely loved it. My husband loves his job and loves providing for our family unit.

@Eva Peron:I 100% agree.

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