(Closed) Stay at home wife?

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would LOVE to be a SAHM/SAHW if we could afford it, but that’s probably because I have a really crappy job that I hate.

Post # 4
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I love my job too much to not work, but if I had a shitty job I’d rather stay home or find some fun part time job or something!

We;re young so even though we technically could afford for one of us to not work, we feel all extra income should be going to saving for the future.  I’d rather work hard now and retire early!

Post # 5
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPanda99:  Stay at home wife here, It’s certainly not for everyone. For us it was the right choice 🙂

Post # 6
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsPanda99: I have never heard of a stay at home wife before joining the bee.

that’s because for years they were simply called “housewives”.

Post # 7
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsPanda99:  You make good points. I’d never even heard of Stay-At-Home Wife until just now! Personally, I think it’s a little silly. Why not make something of yourself, have a great career to be proud of, and prove your independence, while both making money so you can enjoy things even more? I don’t love work every day of my life, but I would be so bored just being a Stay-At-Home Wife… SAHM is a completely different situation, which is totally fine if you can. Perhaps this is more a US thing?

Post # 9
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s very common in my area to be a SAHM/SAHW. My mom has always stayed home when we were little but now we’re grown and she still stays home, although she does have a bachelor’s degree. My dad makes enough to support them, put us through college, pay for the wedding and family vacations so there’s no neeed for her to work if she doesn’t want to. I plan to work part time when I have children and I will have a master’s degree. Men expect the house clean, dinner made, and children taken care of when they get home so that’s the role of the wife/mother. (I live in a very small farm community)

Post # 10
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

@kristen182:  I’ve never met anyone in the US that was a housewife. In this day and age, if you’re able-bodied and can find a job, I don’t really understand NOT having one. Just my opinion, I’m sure there are plenty of ladies that have very good reasons for their choice and I am certainly not judging them.

Post # 13
729 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t like staying at home altogether, but how friggin sweet would it be to just work part time? I also wish i could quit my job and just focus on getting school over and done with. But none of that is in the cards for me.

Post # 15
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsPanda99:  I’m also on the path to a very very busy career and we’re about 90% sure we don’t want children anyway, so my view is much less traditional than most. My SO and I do everything 50/50.

Post # 16
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

This isn’t exactly a flourishing economy, and hasn’t been, these past few years, so I can see why it is likely much more common than before. It’s an employer’s market. That means it is much more tempting not to be an employee than it used to be. If employers aren’t offering good opportunties, with good work-life balance, at a good salary, anymore, many workers feel forced to do lower-quality work, with worse work-life balance, for less salary. But some may have another option: to stop, at least temporarily.

How? It varies. Some couples have one spouse who is bringing in so much income, it’s enough for their lifestyle to go on, basically unchanged. Others may willingly downsize their lifestyle, deciding that not having Joneses to worry about keeping up with at work means that there are a lot of things they used to spend on that they are no longer interested in spending on. So much money is spent by the average person on keeping up with the Joneses that this is often sufficient to make up for an entire spouse’s income. Others may have savings, a trust fund, an inheritance.

I described these situations as if the person is very happy to retire or temporarily retire from the work world (“funemployment”), and that’s true in some cases, but most stay-at-home spouses are more conflicted about it, and often spending a considerable amount of time figuring out how best to go about generating an income again.

They face a lot of hostility, but the fact is, they are helping us employed persons by removing themselves, at least temporarily, from the market: How will it become an employees’ market again, with good jobs, good work-life balance, good salaries? Not by employees swamping employers with applications for crappy jobs with low pay, that’s for sure. Employees need to play a little harder to get… desperation is not desirable. It gives employers the upper hand, and they will take that advantage, to the fullest extent possible. So, CAN most employees play hard to get? No, of course not… many families are living from paycheck to paycheck, many people are desperate to stay in a job…any job…no matter what… and there are valid reasons why that’s the case (that is, reasons why that isn’t their fault). Stay-at-home spouses at least help counterbalance that effect. 

Many families could afford to live on one salary if they made certain changes to their present lifestyle and future plans that they don’t really want to make – Fiance and I are in that boat. We are trying to accumulate savings for specific goals for our future, and we want that sooner rather than later. So we stay employed, though we always have the confidence to know that either of us can quit if our employer starts giving us a raw deal. And we do not resent stay-at-home spouses. We very much wish to be retired, but because of our unique situation (everyone’s situation is unique), retirement still has to wait.

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