(Closed) Stay at home wife?

posted 7 years ago in Career
Post # 17
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

I dont know anyone my age that is a stay at home wife. In this day in age, and especially in my area two incomes are necessary.

Post # 18
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sure I will piss someone off here, but stay at home wife smacks of sheer laziness to me, as would stay at home husband. Why should one spouse work while the other sits on their ass? And no, you cannot convince me that running a 2-adult household is a full-time job. I wouldn’t be able to respect myself at all.
Stay at home mom, totally different. 

Post # 19
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Stay at home wives (as opposed to stay at home mothers) are an outdated concept in the UK too. There are still some much older women who married, brought up children and never worked but to be honest, this was not the case ever in my family where both my grandmother and mother had professional careers and I was brought up to do similarly. 

I’m older than many Bees but I cannot count one single woman amongst my friends who chose to stay home and be a traditional housewife, dependent upon her husband, just because she was married. I do know a few wealthy couples whose wives have no financial need of a job but most of them run businesses – even if only on a part-time basis – or are committed to volunteering.

Post # 20
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’ve never heard of a housewife before joining the bee? Really? Maybe you don’t actually know any, but I’m certain you’ve heard of the concept before, even if it’s just from old sitcoms. 

It all comes down to a matter of priorities and abilities. And everyone has different priorities. While I don’t think I would enjoy being a full time housewife, I can see the benefits. My fiance and I both work full time and it can be so difficult to keep up with everything. Cleaning the house, cooking, paying bills, home repairs and maintenance, grocery shopping, etc. There’s a lot to manage with a home. So I definately think it could be equivalent to a full time job to do all that. And that would take a huge burden off the partner who is empolyeed outside the home. Of course, it does mean a cut in finances, but some couples can afford that. Or will make that work for the benefit of having a more cohesive and less stressful homelife. And money just isn’t as important to some couples as it is to others. I think I’m really lucky to have grown up in a relatively low income, single parent home, because I find I can live on much less and be happier than those that are used to expensive lifestyles. So, for me, it takes less money to get to the point where I start considering home life vs money as a legitimate question. Obviously, if you really need both salaries to survive, then there isn’t much choice. But if I had to pick between a smaller house and older car but a better home-life and a big fancy house with a new car and a stressful work life, I pick home-life every time. But that’s me. I happen to love my job and wouldn’t want to give it up, but if I didn’t love my job, I’d consider staying at home, at least part time! 

You haven’t really asked a question so I’m not sure what else to say. Clearing having both partners working works for you guys. Clearly having 1 work and 1 run the house works for other couples. Everybody seems to be doing what works for them, so life is good. I guess I’m glad you were able to learn about a new way of approaching life and work here on the bee!

Post # 21
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve always called them housewives or homemakers… but I think the term got changed to stay at home wife to sound more like stay at home mom. Either way I don’t judge. There are many reasons as to why someone would stay at home (from unemployment to being lazy to having a medical reason). Some more acceptable in my mind than others but like I said I try not to judge (even if some is done involuntarily in my mind), it’s not my place.

Post # 22
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsPanda99:  In a way I would love to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, because I could get so much done at home during the days and ease a lot of stress for my husband.  And it would be fun.  But I love my job. 

However, just last night as I was leaving the mall at sunset, several bags of clothes in my hand and heading towards my Lexus, thinking about my husband out on the golf course – I felt this wave of pure pleasure at how nice my life has turned out now. 

It wasn’t always like this for me.  When I was a single mom I struggled to pay my bills on time, feed my son and myself, and shopped mainly at thrift stores. 

So, my life feels luxurious to me now – thanks to my husband’s wonderful career and my continuing to work, it allows us the kind of financial freedom you’re talking about.  We have savings, regularly invest for retirement, travel and pretty much do whatever we want whenever we want.  If I quit work we’d have to stick to a tighter budget, lol.  And that would mean less shopping for me.  🙂  So, I’m content to be a working wife for now.

Post # 23
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

I’m what you call a work  at home mom. I think its pretty easy to say what you will do when you don’t have children. Things can change when you hold your baby for the first time. I didn’t want miss his first steps, first word, his kindergarten graduation etc because I was out working. 

Plus I have a trust issue with daycares, after seeing newstories if abuse, neglect, kids that died due to daycare workers being morons. I only trust my family, but I don’t live close to them anymore.

So I was lucky enough to find a job from home that’s flexible. I can earn and be around my son when he needs me. And I don’t have an. Fi’s income to depend on and I manage just fine.

2 incomes would be nice, but you can manage with 1.

Post # 24
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We are working towards that. We are also trying to have kids, but we are working towards me eventually staying home whether or not we are successful at having kids. 

Right now our bills are split up so each of our paychecks pays for certain ones. Each promotion or raise DH gets, more bills get put onto his paycheck and more of my check gets put into savings (so that we are relying less and less on my paychecks each time). Eventually we won’t need my paychecks anymore and I will be able to quit or go to part time.

My husband loves his job and he loves working. He ends each workday feeling accomplished and fulfilled. He hates housework…. hates it.

I like taking care of my home. I get the same fulfilled and accomplished feeling from keeping my home. I also love cooking and pampering my husband. I hate working… I hate that I do all this hard work and it’s not even for myself, but for a company I don’t care about.

My husband and I agree that when we can afford it, it would make much more sense to have one person working and one person keeping house and running errands. That way, we can both relax at the end of each day. Right now, with both of us working full time, we work hard and then we come home and we are both exhausted and don’t want to clean, cook, go grocery shopping, etc.

Plus, my husband likes to feel like I have his back and that he has support from me. And nothing makes him feel more supported than to come home to a nice meal and having everything at home taken care of so that he doesn’t have to worry about doing anymore work after work is done.

Post # 25
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@JenGirl:  I can understand the pressures of running a home and working full time but I’d not try and do both in a way that left me exhausted and unable to do more than go to work and then come home and do domestic chores. I’d employ a cleaner for starters which, with two full time incomes should be affordable. If not, then I’d certainly expect my husband to do his share of the chores. Like 50% of them.

Also, there were good historical reasons why women stayed home after marriage. Starting with the basic fact that homes were very much harder to run. Without the conveniences we take for granted today, the domestic workload of a housewife was very heavy indeed. Such a situation exists in very few, if any homes today.

Many jobs were not open to married women either. My mother worked for one of the major UK banks and all married women were expected to leave their employment. This was the case in many professions. 

 

Post # 26
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MrsPanda99:  if we can work this out/if Fiance lands a really sick job, we might think about it at some point. my Future Sister-In-Law is a housewife. she works about 20 hours a week at a part-time, hourly job at a salon just so she has her own money, but she is basically always home. she cleans the house, does all the cooking, does all the errand-running and grocery shopping (coupon cutting, saving money, etc. wherever they can), any mundane household tasks like calling the cable company, insurance company, etc., car washing, dog walking, vet visits, and her husband, who is a doctor, focuses 100% on work and doesn’t have to worry about any of those things when he isn’t working. as long as the person that stays home keeps up ‘their end of the deal’, if you will, and they can afford the lifestyle they want, i say more power to them.

Post # 28
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I live in the Caribbean and my neighbour is a housewife… she’d never worked a day in her life. When she had kids, she took care of them and when her kids had kids, she took care of them too. She recently got her driver’s liscense and is now getting out of the house more often. A sister of mine who lives in Florida does the same thing.

I know that that lifestyle is not for me. I enjoy getting paid. I remember my teenage days when I had to beg my parents for EVERYTHING even a piece of candy! I wanna see something and buy it for myself without having to plea my case. I am a teacher on my summer vacation right now with my 2 kids and I am bored most of the time. I enjoy working on most days… it gives me something to occupy my time.

Post # 31
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

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@JLR1982:  I totally agree with you but I didn’t want to offend anyone. I just don’t understand the mentality and I would honestly be bored out of my mind.

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