(Closed) Stay at home wife?

posted 7 years ago in Career
Post # 62
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I decided to work from home and care for my 2 children so I am really doing 3 jobs. In the beginning I thought this is way harder than working my 9-5 job but It gets a little easier once you get into a routine.  However, I remind myself daily that there is no better care giver than the mother herself.  

Post # 64
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@rosworms:  Meh, I’ve had people tell me being a stay at home parent is lazy and that it’s such a waste of education to not have a “real job”.  

You are completely right in that people derive accomplishment from different things.  I feel more complete as a person while taking care of my children, learning (I’m a full-time student online), involving myself in charity/volunteer work, and things of that nature than I ever would at a “real job”.  I hope that changes at some point, as I’d like to find a job I truly am passionate about as my children get older.  If not, I will likely devote myself to volunteering.  If it makes me lazy to not have a “real job”, then so be it.  

Post # 65
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@MrsPanda99:  +1

If I had to ask my husband for money like a child, we would not have this arrangement.  That’s just creepy to have a parent/child relationship with your spouse.

Post # 67
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@rosworms:  I don’t pay anyone to do my chores & get very excited when I finish deep cleaning my bathroom (*even after FH goes in and dirties it up again anyway) 

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@MrsPanda99:  Agreed. I mean, we consult each other on how we spend money – we don’t ask permission. Again, their marriage has been going strong for 35 years so who am I to speak but someone said once that “they don’t make them like her [FMIL] anymore” and tbh I totally agree – because I can’t bite my tongue for 35 years of being made feel that I’m not equal to you because you work. 

Post # 68
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m about to be a stay-at-home fiancee! We’re relocating from St. Louis to New Jersey for FI’s work, so I’m quitting my job to join him. It’s the right move for us, and while it will be an adjustment (financially) in the long run, it will pay off for his career.

That being said, I am trying to find work, and hope to do so quickly, but if I don’t have a job in a few months, I probably won’t try to find something until after the wedding (just because I don’t want to get a job and then a month or two later be like “JK, gotta take two weeks off!”).

I will probably bartend PT, though, no matter what (I did so in college, so I’ve got the skillz). I just don’t count that as a “real” job since I’m trained in a traditional office career path.

I just keep saying I’ll be a stay-at-home cat mom ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 69
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Mrs_Amanda:  +1!  To each his own.  Nobody should be judgmental over someone else’s lifestyle choice.  Do what works best for yourself.

Post # 70
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@rosworms:  lol.. I grew up in Indiana.  You can buy a really nice house for $150k and send your children to the best private schools for $5k a year.  It’s just really really inexpensive.  When we moved here, it was a shock to see kindergartens for $32k and “starter homes” for $400k.  

My sister just bought their second home last year in Indiana for probably $120k.  It’s got four bedrooms, two bathrooms, finished basement, several acres, and a lake.  *so jealous*

Post # 71
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i can’t work right now due to visa issues here in mexico, and whilst im applying for papers now – im not certain yet whether itll give me the right to work or not. Im also pregnant so when my child is born, for the first 6 months of my baby’s life at least – i want to be the one to take care of him/her exclusively. I’m not knocking people who use daycare, nannies etc, its just not something i personally want to do

so i guess i’m one of those super lazy people mentioned! Saying that, I’d lvoe to work. I’ve done a little bit of teaching ‘cash in hand’  but i would much rather have a steady *legal* job. even though mexico is quite laid back compared to US/UK….i get a bit nervous if i break the law they will deport me!

Post # 72
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@stuckinwonderland:  When I was a Stay-At-Home Mom (for four years, when my son was little) I worked a thousand times harder than I ever have in any office.  Being a Stay-At-Home Mom you never get a break, you’re on call 24/7.  It is HARD, but so worthwhile!

Post # 73
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d kill to be a stay-at-home wife!

Post # 74
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nothing against SAHW’s, but honestly, I could never ask my husband for money. I was taught to be independent and make my own money, what happens when you divorce? no husband to pay for everything? Cleaning the house is not a job either, I have a full time job and somehow manage to clean like all the other women on here, running a house is not a job, on the other hand I totally agree with SAHM’s because that is a job in itself.

 

Post # 75
Member
7329 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@FauxBoho:  This makes me laugh. What’s it to you if someone decides to stay home and not work? Personally, I find people who subscribe to the “rat race” to be absolutely nuts but it’s not my place to judge them or their lifestyle. If you want to work 12 hours a day and come home exhausted and have little time to spend with your spouse, by all means, go for it. I could care less. That doesn’t work for me and my marriage. 

For the record, I’m a work from home wife. In addition to running my own business from home, I also take care of all the household chores – as well as cooking, errands, dog to the vet, etc. My job allows me a lot of flexibility, so yes, there are a lot of times when I’m home and not working. Am I lazy? If you so say so. You never know WHY some people do what they do. For us, my DH has an incredibly demanding job that requires him to be travelling 9 months out of the year. If I worked a traditional M-F 9-5 job, I’d never see him. My “laziness” of staying home, means that I can fly to wherever he is so we can actually see each other. 

Post # 76
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t know any myself, but it usually happens when the guy makes a shitload of money. I may be a Stay-At-Home Wife for a while when we first move to a new country (we’ll move on the strength of SO’s job), but I would not expect it to be a permanent arrangement. My ideal life involves me running my own little company so I could be more flexible with my time. I think I would go stir crazy if I was a Stay-At-Home Wife. SO’s ex was a Stay-At-Home Wife for years… and it partially led to the demise of their marriage because she just became VERY lazy. Like he’d work long days and he’d still come home to a sink full of dirty dishes etc.

I’d also be afraid to be a Stay-At-Home Wife permanently in case he leaves (you just never know!). Then you’re fairly screwed unless you had a super long marriage. I worked hard for my degree, I work hard at my job.. I wouldn’t want to throw it all away with the chance that he could dump me and I wouldn’t even be able to get a job without doing extensive upgrading and starting from the bottom again.

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