(Closed) Stay At Home… Wife?

posted 4 years ago in Home
Post # 61
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Out of curiosity, to the bees who think it is selfish or unacceptable to be a Stay-At-Home Wife – How much time does a wife need to work outside the home to not be thought of as such?  Full time?  40 hours?  50 hours?  60?  Part time?  36 hours?  24?  16?  8?  (And I know there are work from home jobs too but I’m not talking about that)

I’m not looking for a fight, there was only one person that I really found offensive here, so this is directed at the others. I’m respectfully asking.

Post # 62
Member
2456 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

This is something that should have been discussed a long time ago.

If the situation was reversed, how would you feel?

Post # 63
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sukii:  That’s too bad you can’t get the help you need as far as volunteers. I know the places I work with are thankful that I have such a flexible schedule, so I usually work hours that most people are at work so they can have the night/weekend shifts. 

As for the rest, I think it’s just that people are different and have different levels of ambition.  Like some people are really hard working and successful at their careers and others show up and do the minimal effort to not be fired.  I think you’ll find the same range in SAHW’s.  I definitely have my lazy couch potato, Bravo-marathon days!  

Post # 64
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

 Even if a Stay-At-Home Wife sits at home all day watching tv and eating ice cream from the carton, how does that affect anyone else that they would feel the need to be so rude and judgemental? Why is it up to any of you to tell someone that it’s only acceptable IF they volunteer, keep the house spotless, cook 3 hot meals a day? Not all men are resentful of Stay-At-Home Wife and Stay-At-Home Mom, in fact a lot of men I’ve met and talked to have a huge desire to feel like they are taking care of their partner financially, it’s extremely common. You also have NO idea why certain couples choose the lifestyle that they do, and it’s none of your business. To be honest some of the responses in here make the posters sound jealous and unhappy in their own lives, I can’t think of another reason why anyone would care so much.

OP it doesn’t sound like this will work for you right now and it’s not fair to push your partner to make more money, so that you can make less or none, and I think you’re being a hypocrite quite honestly. It has to be something you are both happy with. I think you guys need to have a serious talk about your future plans.

 

Post # 65
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Kayla73:  unless you are independently wealthy, if you don’t want to work you need to:

1- have a partner who is ok with you not working

2- have a partner who is extremely career/income oriented and is able to provide for your family, save sufficiently for retirement, etc

It doesn’t sound like your husband meets either criteria. Ultimately you will have to reevaluate your choice of husband or your choice not to work. 

I always shake my head at threads where posters are asking for advice on how to “convince” their husband to allow them to be a housewife or stay at home mom. If that’s a priority for you, you should choose a spouse who shares the same values. If you have to convince the person, it seems the situation is likely to breed resentment down the road. 

Post # 66
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

I imagine the 1000th thread on the “SAHW” (never knew that was a thing until this website) subject will go exactly the same way as the 999 other threads. 

Post # 67
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

crazyventures:  really? you’ve never heard of a housewife until you came to the bee?

Post # 68
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Like everyone says, Stay at home wife and stay at home mom are two different things. I’m a stay at home mom and it’s a job. An extremely difficult one at that. I am with my son all day long – my hubby has never gotten up in the night for him and has changed a handleful of diapers. I cook, do laundry, run errands, and schlep my 7 month old to gymboree/swimming/kindermusik/etc. I have no earthly idea what stay at home wives do though. haha.

Post # 69
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

peegee:  the issue is not being a stay at home wife. The fact that she needs to convince her husband to allow her to stay home (because she doesn’t like her job) and wants him to work harder to make more, shows that the husband does not want a stay at home wife. She is not entitled to stay at home. Even if he was making $200,000. Why should he have to accept a more demanding and stressful job so she can have no work stress? It is clear from her post that this was not discussed prior to marriage and she just can’t flip his world upside down because she dislikes her job. Do you think every teacher loves Teaching? You think garbage men enjoy picking up garbage? You think everyone comes home from work feeling refreshed and out of the spa? My husband and I both love our careers, but we have work stress. Should people just quit their jobs because of stress? My husband makes 3 times as much as me. That doesn’t mean that I’m entitled to stay home. We could afford for me to stay home and pay bills. But Income is income; my income can be used for a retirement plan, investmens, student loans, cars, boats, savings, emergency fund, set money aside for when we have kids ext ext. That is money set aside to relieve stress off of my husband. When he broke his leg and didn’t work for 3 months, the money saved from my income, and my salary from working, kept everything afloat With the loss of his income those 3 months. You don’t have that safety net with one person working, unless you married a millionare

Post # 70
Member
1911 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think you’re being a bit hypocritical.  Why should he be pushed when you don’t seem to be pushing yourself?  

Post # 71
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

peegee:  No, I live in the 21st century.

Post # 72
Member
445 posts
Helper bee

I think you should give your career a chance. You haven’t actually worked as a (certified) teacher yet, so try that first. It’ll feel way different from your minimum wage job. If you don’t like teaching after a good chunk of time, consider your options. Grad degrees open a lot of doors to interesting work or look into other careers.

Just don’t give up before you’ve even begun.

Post # 73
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

lim3:  IMO the only thing a Stay-At-Home Wife “should” do is contribute positively to her community in some way, which is the same responsibility I think all people have. It just seems like it’s easier when you’re a Stay-At-Home Wife to shirk that citizen responsibility… unfortunately the SAHWs I have known tend to do a lot of shopping for themselves and a lot of posting negative/inappropriate material on FB. We all have our vices but most people balance that out with community contribution through their jobs. It seems like SAHWs sometimes get caught up in their “bubble” and forget that there is a big world out there with a lot of deep wounds that needs a lot of help. The same is true for anyone with privilege, it just makes it easier to avoid the painful realities of the world, and therefore easier to not feel compassion and desire to work towards a shared good. I have been lucky to be born into a decently financially comfortable home and a mainstream culture and I think I share those risks that SAHWs also have, so please do not feel that this is an attack. It’s just a sobering perspective.

Post # 74
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

BookTea:  I totally agree with you and edited my post to reflect my opinion on her specific situation, I’m just addressing the general cattiness in this thread.

Post # 75
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

lim3:  Just enough to pick up a bill every now and then, treat your husband to a dinner at his fave restaurant without it coming out of his paycheck. Little things like that go a long way.

The topic ‘Stay At Home… Wife?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors