(Closed) Stay at home wife?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

There are two things that I would be worried about. 

1) Lack of social interaction on a regular basis/becoming isolated

2) Foreclosing the possibility of EVER having a fulfilling job because employers won’t understand such a large gap in employment for no good reason, not to mention the lost time that could’ve been used gaining skills. 

That being said, I would love if I could go down to part time and be kind of a housewife other than that. I do like being domestic and I have a lot of hobbies and I wish I had more time to volunteer, but I don’t think that going 100% housewife would be a smart move for me. 

Post # 33
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think it’s a great idea. There is a lot that goes into taking care of a home (or can if you take the time). Volunteering is a great way to get outside your house and to give back to the community. If you have children, you can devote more time to enjoying your family than you would be able to if you were working. Also for the folks who talked about the benefit of having a second income, you have to consider the high cost of quality child care and the unseen health costs of being stressed from work or eating fast food/easy prep meals.

Keep active and enjoy!

Post # 34
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Some things are nice about it, and other things aren’t great.  A couple of years ago I had 2 months off while looking for a job.  While some of it I loved, I started to feel stir crazy and cut off from other people.  I felt like I couldn’t spend any money because I wasn’t bringing any in. 

I think part time work or some kind of volunteering is a great idea.  For me, eventually I want to cut back to part time work to have more time for house work and errands.  Right now though, I have a house husband, he likes parts of it and hates parts of it.  I love getting to see so much more of him now, but resent having to leave him when I go to work.  It will be nice when we are both employed, I just hope that we can keep our work hours reasonable when we do. 

Post # 35
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe someday? Really right now the main reason I need to find a job is to repay student loans. Once he finally starts getting his doctor salary we’ll be secure, but I’ll keep working once he becomes a doctor to help out with his student loan repayments. I’m hoping to pay mine off, then start repaying his within the next couple of years. Eventually I think I will probably end up staying home especially because with a doctor’s schedule, it would be nice for our kids not to end up in daycare all day every day. Some people love daycare, but I was a daycare kid with parents that worked constantly and I was not a fan… so I’d like to try to spare my own kids from that if possible.

Post # 36
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you have the means and you feel that this is right for you, go for it!  I am in a similar situation, I am blessed with means to not have to bring in a lot of money, and my fiance and I are looking forward to my being able to stay at home, take care of kids when we have them, and volunteer for wonderful places.

It definitely can have its ups and downs. It can also get a little lonely when the Fiance and friends are all working, out achieving things career wise and I’m not.  However, I think it is a greatl thing to stay at home and make it a wonderful, warm place for your family to come home to at the end of the day.  You’ll have enough time to spend with your husband, take care of yourself, clean, volunteer for places that are important to you, and be with friends.  You also have time to be there for friends and family if they need help.  That certainly doesn’t sound like a boring, bad, or underachieving life to me. 

Depending on what your energy level is, it is definitely possible to be a “busy” stay at home wife.  I do not consider myself a high energy person, but I’ve started volunteering at four different organizations and freelance write, and I still have more than enough time to clean house and finally get enough sleep!  It has actually sharpened my concept of where my passions are by not working and being able to focus on what I love.  I may be going to grad school next fall because of it! 

So, if this is something you want to do, don’t feel bad about it and don’t feel like you’re the only one doing it!  Staying at home and making it a wonderful place for your family to come home to is a wonderful thing!  Good luck with everything! 

Post # 37
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would love to stay at home and raise a family!  I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom!  Ever since I was younger everyone else dreamed of going away to school and all I wanted to do was be a stay at home mom! 

Post # 38
Member
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have worked 50 hour weeks and am spending 6 months a year alone to help support Fiance while he advances in his career.

Once he hits a point where I can, I will most certainly be quitting my job and being a stay at home wife (most likely a stay at home mother at that point as well.)

Post # 39
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know I would be unhappy as a stay at home wife/mom.  I mean, I want to stay with my kids for a little while after they’re born, but not for years and years.  I just graduated medical school, and I didn’t toil through all those years of school to be a housewife… no thanks!  I really want to use my skills and practice medicine… I’m so excited about my new career!  Laughing

Post # 40
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

I can’t imagine staying at home after investing so many years and lots of money on an education that I am very proud of, unless I was on maternity leave, or injured or something. There are so many other reasons to work besides making money. 

I agree with previous posters that if something ever happened to your hubby or even if you just wanted a change of pace and wanted to start working again, it would be difficult to explain a long gap.

Post # 41
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

I have been a stay at home fiancee for about 6 months now and I love it!  I quit a horrible job that was making my life absolutely miserable.  My fiance (he was my boyfriend at the time) disliked my controlling boss more than I did and so we discussed me staying at home.  We both are so happy that I have this opportunity.  He loves that I can meet him anyday for lunch and that I am always at home waiting for him in the evening.  Plus, it allows me to be able to go on his work trips with him.  If you can stay at home, go for it!

Post # 42
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know, i was thinking about this earlier because i was a part time waitress at one point and lived with my husband. I felt like my life revolved around him. Like i was a puppy, always waiting for him to come home and entertain me, to have dinner with me, to do stuff with me. It wasn’t enough, and i always felt like i was catering to him–making him dinner, cleaning the house, that kind of stuff. I think it’s different when you have a stressful job you really hate, but if you like what you do, it’s healthy to have a schedule and go regularly. I don’t think even part time volunteering would be enough for me, having had a part time job. 

Don’t lose yourself in the process. It’s easy/fun to do at first; just maintain a sense of yourself.

Post # 43
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I guarantee my Fiance does not have “millions”. If I lost my job, we could make it work with a couple kids, but by no means go on the vacations and stuff we enjoy now. I work basically so we can have fun money and because I like my job. I had it before I met him and it is fun, so I keep it for fun money.

Of course we aren’t a couple that really cares about expensive things. I could see where what he makes couldn’t support us if we wanted a 6-bedroom house and wanted to eat out all the time. We are debt free and very comfortable in our little 3-bedroom house which is paid off.

Like I said if you have the will and are smart with your money, you CAN make it last a lifetime. Even with the entire stock market crash, my Fiance was able to maintain our lifestyle, we just had to cut out some extra stuff from our budget that we really don’t miss (like cable tv and landline phone).

“Impossible” isn’t a word we use in this household. Anything is possible if you have the will. Sorry if I took your statement wrong, but it sounded as if you were saying my Fiance couldn’t support me. That is 100% wrong.

Post # 44
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

You know for some people it works.  For me….nope.  And I actually had a lot of people ask if I was going to quit my job after I got married.  My husband is an anesthesiologist and I’m a nurse.  There is no way I could be home all the time.  I might reconsider if we have a child, but not in the next few years.  In the end, you have to do what makes YOU happy.  Good luck!!!

Post # 45
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I plan on doing the stay at home thing for as long as possible.  I’ve done the high powered job thing–I got my PhD in genetics a few years ago and worked for 3.5 years at a consulting firm.  The money was great, but the stress/hours were awful.  

Fortunately that job gave me the ability to pay for FI’s MBA, pay for our wedding, and leave us with enough savings for us to take a year off and have a good chunk left over.  Both of us quit our jobs a few months ago–him to complete a lifelong goal before the wedding and me to unwind and relax.  We agreed that after the wedding we’ll move to wherever he gets the best job and he’ll support me for as long as I want. 

Was it the smartest financial decision we’ve ever made?  Probably not.  Even with his MBA he’s likely to make a quarter of what I gave up at my old job.  But our happiness level is raised more than we can measure.

I’m perfectly fine with just entertaining myself.  I can do all the things I’ve always wanted to do–get in kick-ass shape, read all the books I want to, pick up new hobbies… And we’re not having kids, so one income is more than enough for the two of us.  I feel like I’ve shown that I can have a career if I want to.  I just don’t want to.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

Post # 46
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have to go against the grain on this one. I see no reason why an educated, inteliigent person would stay home without having hildren. Even if money isn’t an issue, why would you give up on something you put so much time into. Not that there isn’t a lot to be done around the house, but really, you can do that working part time,

Once kids come into the picture, that is a diffenet discussion. I think that everyone capable of working should do so. You never know when your situation might change and having NO work expiriece in you fld isn’t going to get you anywhere.

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