(Closed) Stay at home wife?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I really believe that you should do whatever makes you happy.  If that’s having a career, then great.  If that’s staying home to take care of a family, great.  If that’s taking care of a childfree household (and yourself) during the day so that more of your together time is fun time rather than chore time, then I think that’s an equally valid option.  

So what if I spent a good 4.5 years of my life on a PhD?  I don’t think that means I should condemn myself to a job I hate when an equally feasible path brings me health and happiness.  There isn’t a job out there that I’d like more than not working–that’s just how I am. And I don’t think my choice to take a break from it all should be any less acceptable because we’re not having kids.

I totally understand that some people need to work to feel happy, useful, and/or fulfilled.  That’s cool.  I get that.  But isn’t it great that we live in a time when women can get a great education and make their own choices regarding how to use the knowledge and experience they’ve acquired?

Post # 63
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@walkunafraid – You took the words right out of my mouth.

I was shocked to read some of the posts on here that were so negative towards getting an education and then not working, especially for someone who finds herself in the fortunate position the OP is in – that of wanting to stay out of the workforce and having the financial means to do so. Working in a paid job isn’t the end-all and be-all of existence for everyone, and not everyone finds paid work fulfilling. Volunteering and maintaining a home, with or without children in the picture, IS work. I know I personally get more satisfaction from what I accomplish outside of paid work hours – those are the activities that give my life meaning and make me happy. When I look back on my life when I get older, I doubt I will wish that I had spent more time at paid work; rather I expect I’ll wish that I had been able to spend more time at home and with my family, experiencing life.

We wouldn’t judge someone for wanting to work in a paid job for personal fulfillment; why is it okay to judge someone who wants and is able to attain the same goal by staying out of the paid workforce?

Post # 64
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a stay at home wife/mom and it is so boring! I moved from Houston to NC and quit my awesome job to be with hubby. I miss it so much… and the money wasn’t bad either!

It wouldn’t really work for me to get a job right now because of the cost of daycare and I would never get to see hubby… EVER. The extra time with my daughter is nice but I hate not having my own money. I tried to find something when I first got here but the economy is so bad I would have had to have taken a waitressing job even though I have a degree. So at this point I don’t really see my job situation changing anytime soon :/

Post # 65
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m self employed so I work from home so I guess I kind of will be a stay at home wife.  I love the freedom and flexibility and its really come in handy with being able to do all the wedding planning!  I guess it will be even better when we start a family!  Right now its also nice to be able to make cute meals etc.  Its funny cause I never knew I was so domestic – I was always so ultra corporate till I had the chance to stay home!

Post # 66
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I just got engaged and once we get married I will work part time as a substitute teacher (2-3 times a week or less) and eventually become a full time stay home mom once I have kids in a year or two.  I come from a family of stay home wives… there are so many things that needs to be taken care of around the house!! You are not being a cop out!  I would rather spend my life doing things for my family at home and enjoying life than have a job just to keep myself busy.

Post # 67
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I know this is a personal decision and I think everyone has different life circumstances. However, I would feel like I wasted a lot of years on my education (I’m 6.5 years into higher education with 2 more to go for my PhD) if I didn’t work. I also feel like I would lose motivation and get lazy and I hate housework. However, I see on the other side it is a good chance to follow your interests in volunteering or running, painting, whatever it may be that we’re always saying we would do if we had the time. I always tell myself I would do a lot more exercise, cooking and crafting if I didn’t have to work. In reality, I was unemployed for about 2 months after moving to be with Fiance and I was going crazy. I spent too much time on myy computer and didn’t have any friends in my new city. Fiance was in grad school so I got to see him often enough and I did some decorating of the apartment but I had too much time on my hands and had not properly prepared myself with goals or anything productive before moving to a new country/city and got overwhelmed. Good luck as you transition form school to life, I wish you all the best in your volunteering and traveling! If Fiance traveled a lot and I could tag along I would totally do so!

Post # 68
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

I don’t really know where I stand on this one. As a child, I grew up with my dad working a 9-5’er, and my mom staying home with my younger sister and I. The benefits of this was that she was able to shape our pre-k education all on her own, all the while taking us on meaningful and amazing adventures. On the weekends, we spent time together as a family, and I always felt like I had at least one parent around me at all times. As my sister and I grew older and entered school, my mom began working part time, and eventuallly kicked it up to full time. She’s now fully immersed in a career in the medical field and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

My childhood really shaped my feelings and expectations of motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, working mamas are still amazing mamas, but I would love to be able to stay home for the first few years of my child’s life. But we’ll see. I’m a special education teacher and my SO works in pharmaceuticals, so I don’t see us being able to comfortably live in the expensive Californian town we currently reside in and raise the large family we are hoping for. Buying a sizable home and still being able to fund vacations and other recreational things for a lager brood just wouldn’t be an option for us on our salaries.

However, we have talked about the prospect of me staying home once I become pregnant and have our first little one, due to the physical and emotional risks that are involved with my job (I teach individuals with severe autism and love it, but aggressive behavior and massive stress comes with the terrirtory). We are looking to relocate and buy a home in Austin, TX by the time we wed to ensure more bang for our buck, increasing the liklihood that I can be a stay at home mom for a longer period of time. That being said, I would never stay away from my profession for too long – I feel a calling to it, and outside of being a wife and mama, believe it is what I’m meant to do in life.

 

Post # 69
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m going to be a Stay-At-Home Wife for the first few months of our marriage because I need to wait to get a work authorization from the US gov’t.

The longest I’ve spent with him was 3 months & I wasn’t legally allowed to work. Here is what every weekday consisted of for me:  I’d wake up, make him breakfast, do the laundry, do the dishes, sweep the floor, go for a run, start making lunch, shower, greet my Fiance at the door for lunch, clean the dishes from lunch, watch tv, go to the store, wait for my Fiance, beg him to take me out of the house because I was going stir crazy… followed by an argument about how he’s tired & just wants to stay in. lol I swear we fought just so I’d have something to do. Snore. 

We’ve already found 2 volunteer options for me when I move there. I need to do something productive. I will most likely become a Stay-At-Home Mom, but before then I’m going to be working my butt off to keep myself sane! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 70
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Currently I am at home with our 2 year old daughter and finishing my bachelor degree. Once our daughter is in pre-school/school full time and my degree is finished — I plan on going back to work. I think being at home has accomplished a few things for us — we didn’t want our daughter in daycare and I have finally been able to finish my educational goals. For some reason, it was more of a challenge when I worked full time then it is with a child — I really thought it would be the opposite. I value working and the income it will bring when I do go back to work but I wouldn’t trade the time I spent with my daughter for anything. To me, that is my healthy balance. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 71
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I have to comment on this, as I am in that exact situation right now. I was laid off back in January, and I LOVE being able to stay home. My husband and I don’t need my income, and we are both so much more relaxed because I am not commuting 2 hours a day and then stressed about it. 

I love being able to do things at my own pace, I finally have time to cook more interesting things, and take care of stuff around the house that always got put off until the weekend. I hate housework, so we have a cleaning lady. 

We just moved to a new city, so I’ve used my free time to explore. I volunteered back in SF, and I’ve found 2 volunteer positions here, as well. I’m able to go to the gym for as long as I want, as often as I want, at a time when it’s not crowded.

I think it’s bullshit that people are defined by what kind of job they have. We are so much more than what we do for a living. I have a BA and plenty of work experience. If my husband died tomorrow, I still wouldn’t have to think about working, because of our savings and insurance money.

I know staying at home is not for everyone, but it is for me. The only thing that bugs me is when people think I’m not good enough or a complete person simply because I don’t have a job. 

Post # 72
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Being a stay at home wife would be my dream.come.true… Sigh…

Unfortunately the Fiance and I live in New England, and we will always need both of our incomes to stay afloat… At least for now…  

I just think of all of the things I could accomplish!  It’s definitely a personal choice, but at the end of the day- you would have my vote ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 73
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you’re in the financial position to do so, I say go for it!  I have been staying at home for the past month since I’m starting a new job next Monday (I needed a break so once I graduated from college I quit my job) and its been absolutely FABULOUS! The nice thing is that if down the road you decide to start working you can because you will have your education to back you up. Also, you will be able to do something you LOVE instead of something you hate just to pay the bills. I’m also a lucky duck because I was able to turn down a job that paid twice as much as I’ll be making because i knew for a fact that I’d be miserable within a few months. The job I took instead is doing something I feel passionate about and allows me to create my own schedule and its a top 20 best company to work for. Congratulations on getting married and finishing school soon!

Post # 74
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

ALSO volunteer work is soooooo much more rewarding than working. For me anyways.

Post # 75
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Every couple is different and has different life goals but I couldn’t imagine being a stay at home wife without kids…

My Fiance both have great careers that we are working on and I really enjoy coming home and talking about business with him and swapping ideas and stories. We are both suit-wearing, briefcase carrying fast-paced movers and shakers and that is fun for us. We want to uphold a certain lifestyle and Boston is an expensive town so dual incomes is nice.

But aside from financials, I think I would go stir crazy! It’s 2010, not 1950 and I refuse to live to “serve”- I’m not saying all stay at homers do that but it’s just not for me. I feel like I can contribute more to society by being a part of the workforce. Volunteering your time is nice but so is being able to donate money to it or being part of a corporation that does or having the means to make a difference.

I also think I would have trouble talking with other people if I didn’t have a life outside my home (with no kids). That’s just my opinion.

Post # 76
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’d love to work from home. Of course, I’m a writer and seriously introverted, so that wouldn’t exactly be damaging to my career. ๐Ÿ˜› 

To echo what realeastcoaster said: “Volunteering and maintaining a home, with or without children in the picture, IS work. I know I personally get more satisfaction from what I accomplish outside of paid work hours – those are the activities that give my life meaning and make me happy.”

Exactly!

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