(Closed) Stay at home wife?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

As long as you are in the financial situation to not work, I think you should do what makes you happy.  If you stay at home for a while and you aren’t fufilled, you can always get a job later. 

Post # 78
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t understand what you mean by a cop-out? I think it’s simple. If this works for you and your hubby, go for it. Most people I know (including me) wouldn’t do this, but whatever works for you. I personally could never stay home unless I was raising children. I would be bored out of my mind!!! Probably wouldn’t last 2 weeks! Plus, after getting my college degree, I’d want to use it-at least part-time. But if you would like volunteering and both of you agree financially this will work, than go for it!

Post # 79
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I feel like you only get to live once. And working to me is either a means to support your life/family, or to do work that you find meaningful and fulfilling. Those that find careers that are well paying AND bring them joy are lucky and I am thrilled to hear about when people find this. Personally, I work at a job that makes me insane and I don’t get paid very much for it. I would like to be a Stay-At-Home Wife or M someday because doing so would improve the quality of our lives. My husband likes to work (work hard, play harder kind of guy – wants to take vacations and experience life while also trying to get ahead) and I think he’d feel useless at home. Me? It would be wonderful. I’m not a busy person – too much on my plate leaves me feeling drained and helpless, like i’m not in control of my own destiny. If I worked out of my home / volunteered I would find my work more fulfilling, and all of the details that cram up our weekends and evenings together would be done before my DH even got home from work, so our time together would really be spent LIVING, you know? I’d rather take care of everything at home so that we could really spend time together doing things we enjoy instead of carting my husband around Home Depot in the crowds on our only day off b/c we have to recaulk the tub. I can do that during the week, and we can spend our saturday hiking instead? Priceless. The only thing that’s questionable for me is being able to keep up with our lifestyle. But i will say – with one of us home during the day with more prep time, we would eat out a LOT less, and I would trade buying new stuff for the freedom to find my days fulfilling.


Post # 80
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I used to think I could never be a stay at home wife. Stay at home mom is another issue because that’s actually a lot of work. But when I got laid off 2 years ago, I had no choice. The first month was awesome, after earniing 2 degrees, 7 years of school and working non stop I loved the break. But then my life started to revolve around my SO which made me very miserable. He has a very demanding job (by choice) and that is the lifestyle he really loves.

Despite it sounds like “stay at home” should be relaxing, the housework is tiring. And the hours put into all the cleaning , chores and grocery shopping, planning meals cooking drove me nuts…because that seemed like the most important part of my day.

Later on I started gave job hunting another shot, I broadened my range, I went out to meet people and make connections, I picked up old hobbies that I never got to when I was too busy working. Of course the amount of chores and housework remained the same so I was more tired but it gave me the inspiration to keep me going.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you’re blessed that you can afford being a stay at home wife and also blessed with education and exposure you had in college, it still is good to have something that keeps you inspired and excited. That “something” does not have to be a paid job or a job at all but it’s that something that makes your conversations and life more interesting. I have a friend with 3 degrees and her husband happened to be very wealthy and encouraged her to stay home (without even doing chores!) she evetually started her own small NPO thing (which was related to one of her degrees) that keeps her really  happy.

Post # 81
1295 posts
Bumble bee

I couldn’t stay at home even if FH made more money or I had kids.  I just love to work and get out of the house.  After a few days in the house I would go stir crazy.  I like making my own money and contributing financially to the realtionship.  Also I love what I’ll do one day which is being a nurse.  I didn’t go to school and get in debt for nothing I’m defintely going to work.

Post # 82
142 posts
Blushing bee

all i can say to this is i don’t know anyone who would be on their death bed saying “i wish i had worked more.”

life is for living. however you choose. do what makes you happy. 

Post # 83
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@smepsi Well said! What a great way to sum it up! Smile

Post # 84
26 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

Since I teach, I get the wonderful experience of being both a working wife and a stay at home wife.   I can work during the school year and then be a stay at home wife when we have our longer breaks, like summer/spring break/christmas break.  It works well for me because right around the time I start to get antsy to find something to do, it’s almost time for me to go back to school and start thinking about teaching again.  I’m not sure I could give up working/volunteering like you’re considering, for fear I would lose my mind.

Post # 85
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I just started going to school full-time and have quit working.  I will not be working for probably 6 years, and when I do it will be likely to just pay off the loans.  Luckily I have the option of not working, and I relish it because I was stuck in a job I absolutely hated.  I keep myself busy by reading and planning events with friends.  I’ve also started cooking. 🙂

Post # 86
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Here’s my take on it since I have been BOTH a stay at home mom and a working mom and wife.

My former husband and I made the decision to have me stay at home after our son was born b/c we could afford it and b/c it would be great to have him home for the first 3 years and all the milestones.

It was fun.  I was in a large neighborhood, met lots of other sahm (stay at home moms) and enjoyed all of it.  I did however, miss my work and missed the daily challenges I had, but hey he made great money and all was good.

For a while all was good.

Until he did the unthinkable (had an affiar) and I found myself as a stay at home mom divorcing.  It was horrible.  He hung money over my head, and I felt I had little options at that point.

Thank goodness I kept my licensures up and kept in touch w/old coworkers and docs I’ve worked with and immediately got a job and had to work really hard rebuilidng my life financially (the ex was nasty in every way, including with finances) after the divorce.

My take on things now is to keep working.  It is my independence.  I don’t ever have to worry about how would I or my child make it financially.  Sure, I think T and I are going to be forever and are the life partners we were supposed to have had all along, but knowing now what I didn’t know back then is quite important.

You have to think of the not so good times when you make a choice to leave your job.  You have to think of all the possible outcomes, good and bad.     

Post # 87
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Nice post! I haven’t seen this one! I am a stay at home wife!!! My husband works and I do the home duties. I quit 2 jobs (neither of which paid well) and moved in with my husband before we got married. Sometimes I get stir crazy and have to go out shopping to keep me sane, but he doesn’t mind at all! I enjoy the freedom I have to just make plans on the spur of the moment. Money for is TIGHT, but I am trying to find a job……not working well, but I can’t just give up. I enjoy being home when my husband comes home! 🙂

Post # 88
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I am a stay at home wife, I love it cause i worked since i was 13 and i just love it. My husband hates it, him and his paernts shit on me every time i see them. They say your just another indian on welfare. When i am not on walfare, i am on EI cause i got laid off. They are just rude to me, its just another comment about my culture.

Post # 89
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@Daisys4U:  I would seriously tell them to shove it up their you know what.  I think it’s pretty mean for them to treat you that way!

Post # 90
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree! That’s a rude thing to say.  Besides, you got laid off and in this economy people should be understanding.

I would absolutely love to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, although I’d probably never admit it except here.  You know, the overachiever career thing has been my game for so long…but my busy career is not as satisfying as it once was.

I have lots of hobbies and friends and love going to the gym.  I am so so so excited to be starting a volunteer job for few hours a week.  Although honestly my schedule is so packed already, I’m a little worried. But I am so motivated by this cause and I feel passionate about giving back to the community.

Cooking, grocery shopping, errands, etc (all the household stuff except the deep cleaning which revolts me, I’d have someone come once a month) don’t bother me at all! In fact I LOVE cooking.

And I have friends who’ve been laid off and we could do things together during the day. *sigh*

Yes that would be my “dream job”.  If I was independently wealthy, or had a spouse who wanted to support me.  I live in a high cost of living city, so this would all be very unlikely.

Post # 91
42 posts
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have been a stay at home wife for the past two years.  It’s not by choice but I have been having trouble finding a job since graduating two years ago.  I don’t mind being a stay home wife, it’s actually been really nice.  My DH makes more than enough money for both of us.  Even if I did work, the income I bring in just goes to pay the taxes on his income and my income is signifcally reduced because of his high tax bracket or that my income will go toward hiring a house cleaner if I worked.  So I don’t really need to work at all but I just feel bad sometimes about it. 

Regardless, when I first started staying at home, I was really depressed and felt that people were very judgemental about it.  I felt that people thought I was lazy and sat around all day watching Oprah.  What I resent about being a stay at home wife is the negative judgemental feelings people harbor, especially from my inlaws who thought I was purposely not looking for work.  THe inlaws also don’t know how wealthy DH is.  I still feel alittle awkward when people ask me what I do so I tell them I’m looking for a job (which is the truth).  I sometimes feel that if I had a kid, it would be more excusable to stay at home.  The problem is, I don’t want kids!

Even without a kid, people don’t realize that I have been occupying my time and not just sitting on my ass.  During this time, I had the opportunity to do alot of things that contribute to the household, health and well-being of DH and I.  I do alot of the chores, grocery shop many days a week because I like buying fresh food, and been able to cook fresh gourmet meals from scratch which take hours to do. What pisses me even more is that I probably do alot more than some women out there with kids, i.e. those that stuff their kids with junk food and microwave shit.  I also got active by acquiring my love of spinning and long-distance running with DH.  I have also taken classes on a part-time basis on and off.  I’m gradually learning to love being a stay at home wife and if other people don’t like it, they can screw off. 


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