(Closed) Stay home or keep your career…

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Did you stay home or work?
    Stayed home- no regrets : (14 votes)
    16 %
    Stayed home-some regrets : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Worked- no regrets : (11 votes)
    12 %
    Worked some regrets : (5 votes)
    6 %
    No kids- want to stay home : (23 votes)
    26 %
    No kids- want to work : (34 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m in my last trimester of pregnancy, and I plan to stay home when my child is born. I’m not currently working now, since this was our plan from the beginning. I have a college degree and have worked full time, but I know that I would want to raise my child myself if my Darling Husband and I could afford it. Thankfully, he makes enough money that I have that option.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    I stayed home for the first couple of years.  I wanted to make sure my kids could speak before they went into daycare.  Personally, I think that if you can stay home and financially swing it, then why not (at least for the first few years)?  For me, I had to work after those first couple of years though.  No regrets. If I was a stay at home mom completely, I had to be involve with something aside from my kids occasionally (even if it’s taking a course somewhere).  I couldnt do it every day and all the time. I would have gone crazy. No seriously, I would have literally gone crazy.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    @QueenieB:  So are you saying that if you worked, it would mean that you are putting yourself or your career before your kids?

    Post # 20
    Member
    1966 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m a working mom. The 1st year i only worked 25hrs a week. After that full time. I worked really hard to get a good position so I can be in charge of my schedule.  I never miss anything! Halloween parade, valentines party,  bake sale,  recitals etc. I’m there! Fi and I work our schedule so dd spends as much time with us as possible. I have no regrets. My mother always told me I need to able to take care of myself bc you never know what’s going to happen. Fi and I discussed it as well. God forbid he gets hit by bus tomorrow we will be financially ok. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @stillme:  I feel like you. 🙂 Too much invested in my education to stay at home. I also feel that to be a role model to my future daughter, I need to show her that it can be done (and not just tell her that she can be anything she wants when I couldn’t manage it myself). 

    Post # 22
    Hostess
    11051 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’d like to be able to have a balance of both, though I know one has to take preference.

    Post # 23
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I strongly believe that daycare and preschool are critical to socialization, and thus feel zero guilt about wanting to work. I don’t view it as “someone else raising my kids”. I view it as “my kids need lots of experiences outside of me to become well rounded human beings”.

    Plus i’m pretty sure i’d go insane staying home and dealing with only children all day. I am extremely fulfilled by my job.

    Post # 24
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m 25, and we did TTC, but we realized we are nowhere near ready for kids!  I think we will explore it in like 10 years.  Anyway, I will definitely keep my job when we have kids.  DH’s industry is stable-ish, but there are no guarantees.  I’d rather have a job just in case something bad happens!

    Post # 25
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @QueenieB:  Why are you calling the women who choose to work (or don’t choose – can’t afford to not work) selfish, but not the men? Men have the choice to stay home, as well….but are not painted as selfish (by you).

    Why?

    Also, when I have children, I am more than their mother. I have needs, and I also have a lot to offer that is outside of them. I develop life saving medicines for a living. If I can create medicine, and still be a good mother, why is that selfish?

    I am more than my uterus.

    Post # 26
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think you may get some great perspective also from people who have older kids. Kids who are already out of the house.

     

    How do these moms look back on the years they stayed home. Did they stay home the entire time or return at some point to work?

     

    Often times people dont know the real value of their decisions until years later. Because what you do now can really change your future 20 years down the line.  

     

     

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @crayfish:  Perhaps I’m a little old fashioned, but I think that traditional gender roles (in the Western sense) are a great family structure. Men physically can’t stay at home and breastfeed babies after they are born. So, although it’s technically possible that a man can be a stay at home dad, it’s a different experience for the baby. Plus, women are naturally more nurturing and, well, motherly. For thousands of years, in hundreds of cultures, we have been the ones to raise the children. I think that says something. 

     

    There are studies that show that children who have a stay at home mom for the first year of their lives do better developmentally, and better in school (interestinly enough, the next 2-3 years of being a stay at home mom have less of an impact). I want to have kids pretty close in age to one another, and don’t want to shuffle back and forth from being at home and working. I want to be there when they get home from school with yummy food. I want to be involved in their day to day activities. 

     

    I worked as a nanny for a family with two working parents in my early college years. In fact, the mom worked from home. The little girls’ experience was less than ideal – they constantly tried to seek attention from their parents because they got so little (dad was traveling frequently and mom was always busy with work). Maybe some people can make it work, but that lifestyle is not for me. I want to be the rock at home for my family, and make sure everyone is taken care of. It’s a very personal decision, and in MY opinion (and it’s just an opinion and what I think is best) my babies would be better off if I stayed at home. We all see the world through our own lenses that are shaped by our experiences, and this happens to be my perspective. 

    (I promise there were spaces between paragraphs when I posted this)

    Post # 28
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @Butterfly6:  In short, yes. See post above for more details on my perspective.

    Post # 29
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    This is such a great topic of conversation! Thanks to the op for starting the thread! 

     

    We don’t have kids yet but I am so torn by this- and judging by hubbies ever changing opinions, so is he!

     

    My mum always worked part time, but usually when we didn’t notice it. Nightfill and stuff like that. She is the smartest woman I know and I feel like personally she is unfulfilled since she never finished high school and is only now starting to get a career of her own. Right when my dad wants to start slowing down and he doesn’t understand why she wants to advance.

     

    I have a great job, I make great money, I am fulfilled, l love what I do… And yet I feel like I owe it to my kids to stay home with them. Because I know for me, mum was always there when we needed her.

     

    Bottom line…. SO conflicted! And love hearing all your other opinions!

    Post # 30
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @QueenieB:  Those studies only stay at home moms and the benefits for the first year. They dont compare it to stay at home dads. So you cant say that stay at home dads wouldnt have an equal or near equal positive effect. 

    And while many studies may say that Doing thing “This” leads to a greater chance of “this” that doesnt mean that its guaranteed. One has has to take into account the individual dynamics. If mom will hate being at home, mom is not going to be the best mom they can be,

    Also, just because something has been done for ever, doesnt mean its the only way.  Women werent allowed to be educated for hundreds of years. Should we continue that tradition? 

    Post # 31
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Don’t fret working moms, there are actually benefits to your children and your family to you going back to work (in addition providing them an economically promising future with your paycheck)

    Working mothers have better behaved daughters: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505125_162-47541281/study-working-mothers-have-better-behaved-daughters/

    Working moms may have happier marriages: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/busier-job-make-happier-marriage/story?id=13782359#.UWVaEpOG28A

     

     

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