(Closed) stay or seriously rethink my choices?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Frankly, if you can’t manage to stay with him for more than 6 months, why are you thinking of getting married?

Post # 4
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

For me, once a relationship breaks up, even just once, it’s never really the same again. If you two can’t stay together for more than a few weeks without breaking up, why get married? You can’t break-up when you get married..

Post # 5
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

On off relationships aren’t stable enough for marriage. Sometimes people break up once and realise they should be together, but that doesn’t sound like your situation.

Post # 6
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ya you are not ready for marriage if you cant even imagine not breaking up with him. Ring on the finger or not if you dont love him enough to stay with him through it all you really cant expect lasting forever.

Post # 7
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like you want an engagement more so than you want him.

You are not in a healthy relationship and that is not going to change with marriage.

Post # 8
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is this real life?

Seriously OP, if you’re asking strangers on a forum about how NOT to leave your boyfriend, I’m thinking that marriage is probably not in the cards for you two. You said yourself that you keep breaking up with him for various reasons (some of them being things that you can’t change, like your age difference)..

Like PPs have said, it sounds like you’re more interested in the idea of a proposal or marriage than you are with him.

Post # 9
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think deep down inside, you already know the answer, but you’re hesitant to make the final break because it’s hard to “throw away” that much invested time – understandable.  However, you should walk away and take this as a learning experience, not a loss.  When you finally meet someone you care about so much that you want to  share the rest of your life with that person, breaking up is not an option and definitely not something you hang over their head because you aren’t getting what you want.  Sure, some couples discuss parting ways, but actually doing it, and then doing it over and over again, is not healthy for a relationship.  Strong relationships weather storms together.    

Post # 10
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lepetitebee:  I can see why he’d be reluctant. By breaking up with him every few weeks at the drop of a hat or during every dispute, you are probably giving him cause for concern that you will disappear or fall apart at the slightest problem.

Post # 11
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh honey, I used to do that to Darling Husband before we were engaged and once after.  It’s a simple defensive mechanism.  In my case, looking back, if something got to a place where I was thinking ‘I can’t do this for the rest of my life’, I would simply try to break up with him. Because it was easy and because I didn’t have the capacity/faith to see our relationship as permanent. And I liked to control things so if I had hurt feelings, I would try to control the situation again so I would end it. Its actually a very immature response.

Are you ashamed that he’s 4 years younger?  If you never got married would you still be happy in your relationship? 

I stopped breaking up with him when I realized that he was actually the glue that held us together and I had to be okay with not controlling everything.  And he still makes fun of me when I get that look in my eye like I am about to break up with him, he calls me out, and then we laugh about it.

Post # 12
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This sounds just like my cousin’s relationship with his girlfriend.

For 2 years, they were constantly breaking up, getting together, every few weeks. It was ridiculous.

So, they got married, assuming all their problems would go away if they did.

Well, they didn’t. They were divorced after 2 months.

Don’t be that girl.

Post # 13
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This situation does not sound stable enough for marriage. I think it’s time to end it for good.

Post # 14
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

@lepetitebee:  I can kind of understand what you are doing. You want him to propose,he doesn’t so to galvanise him into taking action and prove that he does want you,you break up with him. Am I right in saying that?

Its obviously not working out for you though because he sees it as a red flag and a reason not to ask you to marry him so the cycle begins all over again.

It seems you are playing a game to get this man to do what you want and it doesn’t work. I can’t see it working out in the long term if you continue to do this.

Is it really so hard not to break up with him and are you aware that you don’t intend to see it through and leave him alone when you do? What reason do you give when you do break it off?

Post # 15
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@HelleCat:  Totally agree.

No offence, but you don’t sound too mature. How on earth do you expect to stay married if you break up every few months?

There’s red flags all over your post. Your guy doesn’t seem to treasure you all that much. I think you need to be single for a while, figure out what you really want, and then hopefully find a guy where you don’t break up with him every few months. That is not normal behavior.

When I was in my early 20s I did the on/off thing and I thought it was exciting and passionate.. but in reality I was letting myself be jerked around by a guy who didn’t really love me. I mistook the drama and constant ‘omg will be break up?!’ for love and it really messed me up.

Post # 16
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lepetitebee:  I had an ex who used to break up with me all the time. Sometimes he would forget about it almost immediately. Guess what? Each time he did it, I would care a little bit less until one day I didn’t care at all. Is that what you want?

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