- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
If you have read my other posts you will know that my husband of 8 month and I are going through a crisis point. He is off work on stress leave because between his job and our relationship troubles, he has completely collapsed in on himself. In the last 3 weeks he is an entirely different person than the person I know. He is just being mean and neglectful.
At this point he isn’t sure if he wants to continue our relationship or not, not because he doesnt love me but because he grew up in a non communicative environment with no emotional and I have emotions and he soaks it all up like a sponge and it’s weighing him down. Weird part is he is pretty emotional too. The way he explained it to me is that where he is from everyone is a monotone and if someone raised their voice it would mean something was really wrong so you kind of go on alert. He said I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am more vocal about how I am feeling whether up or down and it makes him feel overwhelmed.
It really hurt me when he said he wasnt sure (he has always been the one that was 100% in love and sure about htis relationship) and how mean he has been to me since that. I have just been supportive and giving him his space and making a point no tto talk about our issues so he doesnt feel overwhelmed. Up until 3 weeks ago he was begging me to let him try to make things better, crying at the thought of losing me, messaging me all day everyday just to chat, and has always been extremely helpful with managing my illness. It’s a huge 180 because he has no interest in me now whatsoever.
Where I am confused is in the points of view regarding the scenario:
1) People are saying fight for your marriage so you have no regrets if it does end (this is what I am doing now).
2) Don’t make a decision in a time of depression (for him or me) because you arent thinking straight (I am also currently doing this)
3) People also say not to settle or stay with someone if it’s not working.
Things have been bad long before his stress leave. We have struggled with my husbands lack of sex drive now since close to the begining but it’s only gotten worse. It has lead me to feel distant, lonely and hurt. I am a very sexual person and sex once a month is just not enough for me. I need sex to feel connected to someone. I need to feel wanted and he makes me feel ugly instead of beautiful. There are a lot of things I do love about him but without the sex our relationship has become more and more platonic especially with his communication breaking down as well. Right now we are at 4 times since Christmas. It’s immensely difficult. In the begining we would at least od it 4-5 times a week which still wasn’t enough for me but better than it is now. And he isn’t very communicative so I just always felt bad about myself.
The other componant is that I was diagnosed with endometriosis since we started dating and it has been dehabilitating. It was really hard for us to manage and go through and it also makes the idea of leaving (or him leaving) scary for me. My chances at having a baby become more and more limited as I get older.
Right now I am in a good place. If he leaves, he leaves there is nothing I can do bu tmove on and my trust in him after this is questionable. He said he woul dalways be there for me and now he is not. BUt I know he is going through a hard time and that’s why I am fighting. To see if things will get better once his issues are worked out. Seeing though as things werent great before this, am I wasting my time?