Staying together/engaged but moving out. Weird, but maybe right…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I haven’t been through this but I’m a firm believer in living your best life and doing what makes you happy.  If you’ve already made ideal plans in your head of what you want your life to look then I think you’re already halfway there. The only thing stopping you is your Boyfriend or Best Friend not being flexible enough to make choices that work for BOTH of you. I watched my best friend make choices based on her BFs job and wants and she ended up wasting 4 years of her life regretting it now because they broke up. I think you should have a serious heart to heart with him and let him know you don’t feel like you’re living the life you want to the fullest potential.  You guys may work out or you might even find someone better after being able to explore life by yourself.

Post # 3
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

I have seen this work out for married couples, two couples actually.

Both involved one spouse moving away for work reasons.

One did it for two years, before the wife got another job to move to where her husband was.

The other has been doing it for a few months.

You should talk to him, but would probably need to see if you plan to move back in together again in a couple of years.

 

Post # 6
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I think you laid out your thoughts really well and very reasonably here. I think you should start by saying more or less the same thing to your Fiance. See where the conversation takes you from there…

Post # 7
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Agree with PP that you should communicate essentially everything that you’ve said her to your SO. That being said, I think that you should move to this city and pursue your dreams regardless of what your SO’s final decision is. This is your ONE life. 

My best friend was in a similar situation with her ex, who she was with for 7 years. Her dream was to be a lawyer, but in order to go to law school she would have to move to another province. This was a hard ‘No’ in his books. She settled for being a paralegal (Which is a great career! Just not HER dream). Anyway long story short after all that time together she woke up one day, after years in her field and applied & later got into law school. Her and her SO broke up as a result, we moved her to the other province and she’s now living her best life and on the way to becoming a boss lady. I could go on & on because i’m so proud lol! But like i said OP this is your life and you need to do what’s going to make you happy.

Post # 8
Member
8743 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
rosydelight :  my friend moved out on her boyfruend and didnt break up. The circumstances were different (he was a man child that she was done supporting and this was the motivation he needed to grow up) but now they are married! 

Post # 9
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

I have known a few couples who stopped living together and the relationship didn’t end. Maybe your relationship will survive this, maybe not. However it certainly sounds like you have done a lot of compromising for his sake, and he’s not willing to meet you halfway.

I think you should do it. Go experience the life you want. If the relationship ends, it won’t doom you to spinsterhood.

Post # 10
Member
6789 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you sound really grounded and your thinking sounds well thought out. I vote that you go for it and also, be prepared for the additional work/effort associated with remaining in relationship when you do not live with your SO.

My husband and I do not live together full time. We’ve been together 11 years and married for almost 2 and we share a child. We only live together for 1/2 of the week. It takes some adjusting to navigate our individual lives and other people are really confused by it but, over all, it works well for us. Our homes are about an hour apart.

How far apart would you be and how often would you see each other? If you can have some clear conversations (now and also while you’re living apart), it’s very doable.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Hostess
3985 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I agree with PP that you should have the conversation with your S.O. but still move and work on building your career.  One of my close friends has been doing what you’re doing – moving with her S.O. and focusing solely on him and even though she won’t admit it, it’s obvious that it’s taken a toll on her.  I think it’s awesome that you’re planning to focus on you and wish you the best of luck!

It also seems like your S.O. wouldn’t be living that far away?  Is he in a suburb of the city you want to live in?  I think it’s pretty ridiculous that he won’t compromise if he can commute to his job from there and you have better opportunities and a better ability to be independant.  

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