Post # 1
I wanted to know if my heart will ever heal after being engaged and still living with the person or does that make it harder. He called off the engagement in April 2011 and it is still so hard to this day. At times, I want so bad to be his wife that it seems pathetic to me. I walk around like it doesn’t bother me but i hurt so bad. I love him but i don’t know why I just can’t get over this feeling that I have. He has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want to marry me. I mean I am good enough to stay live with but not good enough to marry. So why can’t I get over it? Please help me. I get to the point where it consumes my life/thoughts and I know its not healthly because it makes me unhappy.
Post # 3
Why did he call off the engagement? I don’t think I could continue to live with him after that. He obviously doesn’t seem to love you enough to want to marry you if he called off the engagment (I’m assuming here) so why even stay together if thats the end result you want (marriage)?
Post # 4
@MrsSl82be: I totally agree. This would be my thought as well.
OP – what led to the engagement being called off? Were you guys having issues? Did he just decide he didn’t want to be married?
Post # 5
You want to be his wife. He said he does not want that. This seems to be making you miserable. Maybe it is time to look for someone that wants you.
Post # 6
You’re unhappy because he’s essentially expressed that he does not wish to spend his life with you, so one can assume he’s merely waiting for another option to come along and leave you. Not his fault if you’re not “the one”. Totally his fault for not being man enough to actually end the relationship and allow you to meet someone who DOES think you’re the one.
I spent years in a relationship like this. In fact, he proposed to someone else on a “break” and when that fell through he asked me back, and like an idiot I took him. I finally had the courage to break it off for real, and within a year I was engaged to the absolute love of my life.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you are going through this, but I honestly feel that sticking around isn’t good for you. If he has made it clear that he does not want to marry you, and marriage is what you want, then you have to leave, as hard as it is. I think the hardest thing in life is stepping away from the familiar and comfortable, even if it is what is hurting us, and taking a leap into the unknown.
Sticking around isn’t going to make him want to make you his wife, and it isn’t going to let you move on.
Post # 8
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. What MissNoodles said is exactly right – you need to get out. The longer you stay the harder it will be and you risk him meeting someone else and leaving you taking that choice out of your hands which would add insult to injury. Leave – It won’t be easy and it won’t always feel good at first but it is the best thing for you and I think you already know that in your heart of heart. There is somone else out there waiting to love and respect you as you deserve and you are not going to meet him while staying with this guy.
Post # 9
@MrsSl82be: I was going through somethings and kept telling him that i didn’t want to marry him so he finally just said enough was enough and ended it. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything else besides what I was going through and I guess it took me to long to grieve and he didn’t understand why it took so long. I was taking all my angry out on him because he was there not realizing what it was causing me
Post # 10
But what is so bad about this is, we are so good together. I love him and he does love me, he shows me everyday. He doesn’t mistreat me or disrespect me. I just want that part of his life and I know that I should probably leave but i don’t want to walk away from the best thing in my life. I don’t know how to make the hurt or that feeling go away of wanting to be his wife. I have been married twice and I have always said that I am not the marriage type so maybe that is my fate.
Post # 11
This is no the best thing that has happened to you… the best thing to happen to you would be to fall in love with a man who WANTS to spend his life with you. If he didn’t believe in marriage, but was committed to spending your lives together, that’s great.. but that’s not what’s happening here. He asked you to spend the rest of your lives together, then changed his mind. That means he’s open to the idea of marrige, but he doesn’t want to marry YOU! That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you in the least, the two of you just aren’t “forever” in his mind.
Give yourself the chance to really, truly be in love with someone who loves you with the same passion and intensity. That’s the best thing ever.
edit: Ok I just read your comment about how you told him you didn’t want to marry him, and that’s why he’s called it off. Have you discussed your change of heart and let him know that you’re over whatever you were going through? Have you thought about taking the reins and re-proposing to him instead?
Post # 12
If you two don’t want the same things (in this case marriage), then I would say it’s time to move on. It’s hard when everything else is so good in your relationship, but if he never wants to marry you, but you want to marry him, then I think you’ll just grow more and more resentful and unhappy.
Post # 13
Whoa. I have to disagree with MissNoodles. Just because he did propose in the past and broke it off after that, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to spend his life with her. It may mean many things, we don’t know with our limited information. It could mean that he decided marriage to ANYONE isn’t for him, and felt pressured/swept up/etc and proposed and then realized his mistake.
Speaking from experience, I was the one that called off an engagement, and we did continue to live together but eventually broke up because the issues that had evolved to cause me to rethink a lifetime commitment hadn’t improved and he was seemingly unwilling to work on them. Had we worked things out, we definitely would have married. Sometimes being at the edge makes you take a really hard look at things, rather than just barrelling ahead for the wrong reasons.
To the OP: I feel for you, this is a horrible situation for you to be in. You need to really clarify why he called it off, what that means to each of you and the relationship, and decide what YOU want, be it marriage, life commitment, etc. At the end of it, as a PP said, if you don’t want the same things, you should do the difficult (but better in the long term) thing and move on to find what you truly want. I wish you the best.
Post # 14
@cdncinnamongirl: youre right, i only noticed her mention that SHE called it off after i had written my post, which is why i think she really needs to talk to him about this. proposing is a nerve wracking for guys, i’m not surprised he’s reluctant to try a second time.
Post # 15
@somethingnew0112: when i started reading this, i really felt sorry for you, but as i continued to read on, i realized that you put yourself into this situation.
if you were engaged and you broke it off, he is probably feeling very hurt. why would he want to put himself in the position for possible rejection again? now you want to marry him. you are giving him mixed signals.
you mention that you’ve been married twice before. why the rush?