(Closed) Staying wth someone after the engagement has been broken off…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Why did he call off the engagement? I don’t think I could continue to live with him after that. He obviously doesn’t seem to love you enough to want to marry you if he called off the engagment (I’m assuming here) so why even stay together if thats the end result you want (marriage)?

Post # 4
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@MrsSl82be: I totally agree.  This would be my thought as well.

OP – what led to the engagement being called off?  Were you guys having issues?  Did he just decide he didn’t want to be married?

Post # 5
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee

You want to be his wife.  He said he does not want that.  This seems to be making you miserable.  Maybe it is time to look for someone that wants you.

Post # 6
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re unhappy because he’s essentially expressed that he does not wish to spend his life with you, so one can assume he’s merely waiting for another option to come along and leave you.  Not his fault if you’re not “the one”.  Totally his fault for not being man enough to actually end the relationship and allow you to meet someone who DOES think you’re the one.

I spent years in a relationship like this.  In fact, he proposed to someone else on a “break” and when that fell through he asked me back, and like an idiot I took him.  I finally had the courage to break it off for real, and within a year I was engaged to the absolute love of my life.

Get out.

 

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m sorry you are going through this, but I honestly feel that sticking around isn’t good for you. If he has made it clear that he does not want to marry you, and marriage is what you want, then you have to leave, as hard as it is. I think the hardest thing in life is stepping away from the familiar and comfortable, even if it is what is hurting us, and taking a leap into the unknown.

 

Sticking around isn’t going to make him want to make you his wife, and it isn’t going to let you move on.

 

Post # 8
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. What MissNoodles said is exactly right – you need to get out. The longer you stay the harder it will be and you risk him meeting someone else and leaving you taking that choice out of your hands which would add insult to injury. Leave – It won’t be easy and it won’t always feel good at first but it is the best thing for you and I think you already know that in your heart of heart. There is somone else out there waiting to love and respect you as you deserve and you are not going to meet him while staying with this guy.

Post # 11
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is no the best thing that has happened to you… the best thing to happen to you would be to fall in love with a man who WANTS to spend his life with you.  If he didn’t believe in marriage, but was committed to spending your lives together, that’s great.. but that’s not what’s happening here.  He asked you to spend the rest of your lives together, then changed his mind.  That means he’s open to the idea of marrige, but he doesn’t want to marry YOU!  That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you in the least, the two of you just aren’t “forever” in his mind.  

Give yourself the chance to really, truly be in love with someone who loves you with the same passion and intensity.  That’s the best thing ever.

 

edit:  Ok I just read your comment about how you told him you didn’t want to marry him, and that’s why he’s called it off.  Have you discussed your change of heart and let him know that you’re over whatever you were going through?  Have you thought about taking the reins and re-proposing to him instead?

Post # 12
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

If you two don’t want the same things (in this case marriage), then I would say it’s time to move on.  It’s hard when everything else is so good in your relationship, but if he never wants to marry you, but you want to marry him, then I think you’ll just grow more and more resentful and unhappy.

Post # 13
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Whoa.  I have to disagree with MissNoodles. Just because he did propose in the past and broke it off after that, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to spend his life with her.  It may mean many things, we don’t know with our limited information.  It could mean that he decided marriage to ANYONE isn’t for him, and felt pressured/swept up/etc and proposed and then realized his mistake.

Speaking from experience, I was the one that called off an engagement, and we did continue to live together but eventually broke up because the issues that had evolved to cause me to rethink a lifetime commitment hadn’t improved and he was seemingly unwilling to work on them.  Had we worked things out, we definitely would have married.  Sometimes being at the edge makes you take a really hard look at things, rather than just barrelling ahead for the wrong reasons.

To the OP: I feel for you, this is a horrible situation for you to be in.  You need to really clarify why he called it off, what that means to each of you and the relationship, and decide what YOU want, be it marriage, life commitment, etc.  At the end of it, as a PP said, if you don’t want the same things, you should do the difficult (but better in the long term) thing and move on to find what you truly want. I wish you the best.

 

Post # 14
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@cdncinnamongirl:  youre right, i only noticed her mention that SHE called it off after i had written my post, which is why i think she really needs to talk to him about this.  proposing is a nerve wracking for guys, i’m not surprised he’s reluctant to try a second time.  

Post # 15
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@somethingnew0112:  when i started reading this, i really felt sorry for you, but as i continued to read on, i realized that you put yourself into this situation.

if you were engaged and you broke it off, he is probably feeling very hurt.  why would he want to put himself in the position for possible rejection again?  now you want to marry him.  you are giving him mixed signals.

you mention that you’ve been married twice before.  why the rush?

 

 

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