(Closed) STD and Invite Etiquette

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
hunting_bride :  It’s a complicated world of invitation ettiquette. Good for you for asking.

1. Adults living with their parents get their own STD’s and invitations.

2. Those are their names so that is the correct way to address them.

3. It depends on where you live. In the US and Canada it is not polite to reference gifts or registries with your invitations. There may be culturally specific exceptions, but one would think you or your families would be aware of those if they apply.

4. They get their own invitations.

5 STD’s are more casual so you can get away with +1, or and guest. You should however get the name of their guest before the wedding for your seating plan, escort cards, favors etc.

6 You can include your website on the STD where they can find accommodation information. When you say you are reserving rooms, do you mean you are paying for them? Or, just blocking rooms? Make sure you are not liable for any unbooked rooms, as your guests may make alternate reservations.

Post # 3
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
  1. In most cases I would say to the guest themselves, but if it’s family I’m confused why the parents of your cousin and brother in law aren’t invited to begin with? But in general, rule of them: if you know the parents well, invite them. If not, then no.

  2. If Lucy Smith is a child, you can just say “and guest” or “plus 1”. If not, then address all three.

  3. Registry cards – can go either way. For some people it’s really  useful and others it’s tacky and can be left on the website. But if you’re inviting older folks who may not use the website much, it’s nice to have the registry information handy in the invite.

  4. Depends if you know both people in the couple well or not. If yes, then both get their own invite. But if you only know your friend, who is dating someone, then she gets the invite addressed to her and her boyfriend.

  5. I think plus one’s are typically reserved for invitations, no? 

  6. Accommodation information typically waits to be put on the invitations. Generally people don’t know where lodging will be at the point of STDs since it’s usually at least 6 months out. However, DO write the general location (ex: Chicago, IL) so people can make travel plans and arrange for days off work.

Great questions!

Post # 5
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

in the UK its 1 invite per household

no registry info ever on an invite

if you are close with both the couple you can send two however if its your friend + their gf/bf who live seperate then just send 1 to the friend

STDs dont need name on at all… just address the envelope

hotel info normally goes on the website but I wouldnt be offended to see it on an invite

Post # 6
Member
2591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

1.If you plan on giving the adult child a plus one, then they get a separate invite, but if they are not being given a plus one, you can add them on the parents invitation.

2. The child does not need the last name. I would do John Smith, Judy Flynn, & Lucy

3. Please do not give a registry card with your invitation. You may ask whoever is hosting your shower to include a registry card with the bridal shower invitations

4. You address it to both of them and send it to one of them. If you are closer with one of the two people, you can send it to whoever you are closest with. If you are unsure, ask them which address to send it to. Fiance and I do not live together, yet all invitations and such for us both come to me.

5. Plus ones are not necessary on STDs, but I included them on mine so that people who intend to travel can make plans accordingly.

6. Usually accomodations information goes with the invite. However, if you have a website, put the URL on the STD and then have an accomodations section on your site.

 

Post # 7
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

If you are inviting all the members of the family in the household I would just use one invitation! Even if say one cousin lives at home and one has their own house (but is single). If other cousin living out of the house was coming with a partner I would probably send their own invite. 

Plus ones I would list by name. I got invited to many with my Fiance (before engagement) and he just got the invite to his house. After all, the only reason I was invited was as his date! We 

Post # 8
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
hunting_bride :  firstly, STDs are not invitations ; they’re just a special kind of announcement. Thus, different rules of etiquette apply for the two. 

1. You can send one STD per household. But you should send an invitation for each adult (couples get 1). 

2. If you’re using no titles, John Flynn, Judy Smith, and Lucy Smith. This is assuming that Lucy is not an adult. 

3. Eh. I’d just save the money and potential for tackiness and put it on your wedding website. 

4. Address it to both, but only send it to one (if you’re only friends with one and the other is invited because of the relationship). If you’re friends with both, and your invite them each independently of each other, then send separate invites. 

5. Nope. Again, not an invitation. It’s  just an announcement. 

6. Just put a link to your wedding website (where there’s accommodation info) for those that like to book way in advance. Then include this as an insert in your invitation suite. 

Post # 9
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Galleria Marchetti

1. We sent one STD per household, but multiple invites. So the STD went to the Smith Family and then invites went to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Ms. Lucy Smith. TECHNICALLY, if they are over 18 they should get their own invite.

2. You would do seperate lines. so Mr. John Smith and Ms. Judy Flynn

Miss/Ms. Lucy Smith (depending on age, under 18 is Miss)

3. Yes. This is meant for shower invites.

4. Like PP have said, address to both and send to whomever you are closer with or the address the couple prefers.

5. We did both just so people had an idea. Again, this is totally up to you.

6. We had our wedding website set up by the time we sent out STD and included the URL on there (which had hotel info on it). Then included the accomodations card and website on our invites. 

Post # 10
Member
13655 posts
Honey Beekeeper

1. Adult children get their own wedding invitation. I’m in favor of personal correspondence as opposed to pre-printed, mass mailed STDs, but if you are sending these, they would each get their own.

2. How old is Lucy? If she is an adult she gets her own separate invitation. If not, how you address depends on whether you are using an inner envelope or not. If no inner envelope the names would go on separate lines, ie:

Ms. Judy Flynn and Mr. John Smith 

Ms. Lucy Smith or Miss Lucy Smith if under 18, otherwise Lucy gets her own invitation

If you are using an inner envelope and Lucy is a child, the outer envelope would read: 

Ms. Judy Flynn and Mr. John Smith

The inner envelope would read

Ms. Flynn and Mr. Smith

Lucy Smith

These days the order of Judy and John’s names on the invitation only matters if she outranks him.

And if you want to go informal it would be:

Judy Flynn and John Smith

Lucy Smith

3. Always tacky. Registry information should never be included anywhere on or in an invitation. If you have a registry, word of mouth or a simple link on an arm’s length, third party, wedding website is tolerated. 

4. Separate invitations.

5. People don’t always know who they will be inviting, especially with respect to +1s  and relationships can change. In any case, no reference to a guest is necessary this far out. My preference is personal communication with those who will need the heads up or with your closest friends and family members. 

6. You could link to a wedding website, send separate information by email or snail mail, or wait for the wedding invitations. 

Post # 11
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

1. Although proper etiquette is to send each adult their own STD/invitation, if there were adult children living with their parents (and if the parents were also invited) we sent one STD to the household. It just seemed silly to us to have two or even three of the same card sent to the one house – it’s not like they’re going to put all of them on the fridge. We did send them each their own wedding invitation, however, as we have a section for dietary requirements that may need to be filled out.

2. The way you have worded it is technically correct. Although, John and Judy would be listed on one line and Lucy would be listed on the line underneath.

3. Honestly, whether including registry information with the invitation is tacky or not depends on your location. Where I’m from, some sort of insert including either registry or wishing well information is always included with the invitation. I guess this could be attributed to the fact that wedding websites aren’t really a thing here.

4. We just sent one invitation to the person we were related to or friends with and included their SOs name on it. Technically, they’re supposed to receive their own invitations but I don’t really know my cousin’s girlfriend and she wouldn’t be invited if she wasn’t dating my cousin so it just seemed odd to send her her own.

5. We didn’t make any mention of plus ones on the STDs. For established couples, we put each person’s name on the envelope. We only have one or two guests receiving actual plus ones, so we decided to tackle this on the actual wedding invitations.

6. If you’re having a wedding website, include the URL on your STDs and then make sure all the accommodation information is there for people who want to check it. If you’re not doing a wedding website (we didn’t), I’d probably just wait until the invitations go out. We included an insert with ours about accommodation, but let those from overseas or interstate know ahead of time that accommodation was available.

Post # 12
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

View original reply
hunting_bride :  Gotcha. I would do 1 STD per household (addressed to all three on the envelope), but make sure the invites themselves have all three people named separately. Alternatively, for the invite, you could do one envelope but have separate insert cards if you think it’s dumb to send separate envelopes.

This got super confusing and awkward at a recent wedding I went to, where it wasn’t clear who was invited because some of the adult children got separate invites and some didn’t. Whatever you do, stick with one system otherwise feelings get hurt and it’s a headache for knowing who is coming and who is not. 

Post # 13
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Well since this is the etiquette board I’ll give you what is meant to be the correct advice, and not suggest to do anything else out of convenience but what you end up doing is up to you.

1. I have several people who are being invited to our wedding that are currently adults living with their parents. For example, FI’s youngest brother (22) lives with their mother, do I need to send two STD’s and two Invites? We also have an adult cousin (27) who is living with her parents, again separate STD’s and invites?

Separate STD’s to each adult child. Yes it sounds troublesome but that is the proper etiquette and they should be treated as individual adults.

2. How do you write addresses for people who have different last names. We are sending it to John Smith and Judy Flynn, and John’s daughter Lucy Smith. Would it just be John Smith, Judy Flynn and Lucy Smith? That seems odd.

 Parents at the top, use their different last names, child at the bottom. 

Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Judy Flynn 

Miss Lucy Smith 

(there’s a few other ways to do this but that’s the general idea)

3. Where I am ordering my invites from has other matching inserts you can add on for a small fee, one of which is a registry card. Isnt that super tacky?

 Yes it’s tacky, registry events also have these, it’s just business to them, but still rude.

4. Sending an invitation to a couple that does not live together, do we address one to both people or do we send separate invites?

 Since they are a social unit they can be on the same invite, whoever you address it to is up to you since you know them best, or send each of them their own

5. Do we address the whole +1 thing on STD’s? Is it Greg Doe and Guest? Or is that just invites?

 You can do this on the actual invites. Just be sure you’re doing this with truly single people. If they are in a relationship (of any length of time) you should find out their name

6. Does accomodation info go on STD’s or do we wait for invites? We are reserving rooms at a hotel near the venue for out of town guests.

Wait for invites or put it on your website

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