(Closed) STD… Do I need to send them??

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3226 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Nope! I don’t think they are AT ALL – I have never received a save the date in my life either.  If you can do them and want to, then go ahead, but they are not necessary. 
I think maybe if its a destination wedding, it would be a good idea…but other than that, no 

Post # 4
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I got engaged in Novemeber…Married in July…so due to time line things and budget constraints I have chosed not to send out save the dates.

Post # 5
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think they are more necessary for destination weddings/weddings where you need to save significant money to go. I don’t think they are necessary for local weddings, but it is a touch some people like to have 🙂

Post # 6
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think they are necessary if guests will have to travel at all to your wedding and make arrangements, if it’s a destination wedding, or if your wedding is on an off-day (not saturday) or during a holiday.  Other than that, they are not necessary.  You could not send them in these instances as well but know that some people may not be able to make it with only 2 months notice.

We sent them because we have a lot of out of towners and our wedding is on a Friday.

Post # 7
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@mrsaponte: Save-the-date cards are a modern innovation that runs against traditional formal etiquette. So no, you absolutely do not “have” to send them.

Many wedding planners also act as “event planners” for business conventions, and many brides’ primary experience of large fancy events is with such industrial galas, so we nowadays see commercial arrangements being adopted into the social domain. The idea behind Save-the-Date cards is that, with modern brides’ having friends all over the country or even all over the world, and having full-time employment with vacation red-tape, potential guests may need to make travel and vacation arrangements months before the invitations actually go out. The convention and seminar industry sends advance advertising to potential members six months to a year in advance of any convention to address this problem. So Save-the-Date cards are a bride’s “advance advertising”.

They cause problems, though. The traditional formal solution to the problem of guests’ needing to make travel arrangements, is to correspond personally with the people who are so close to you that their presence matters deeply. Traditionally such correspondence would be a handwritten personal note. Nowadays it might be an email, text message, phonecall/Skype or Facebook personall message. In either case, though, it would go to at most dozens of people, not hundreds. People who don’t get a note just take their chances with whether travel and vacation-time will be available when they get their invitation.

After all, while your wedding is the event of a lifetime for you, it would be egotistical to suggest that it is all that important to old school chums and co-workers, or even distant cousins. And once you ask someone to change their plans for you (which is what a Save The Date does), you are obliged to follow up with an invitation. Between the first excitement of setting a date and the fun of seeing your names in print as a couple, and addressing the actual invitations, budget reality often sets in with a cruel thud. And friendships change. Many a bride has changed her mind about the extent of her guest list, only to find that her precipitous Save-The-Date enthusiasm leaves her with her hands tied.

Post # 8
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I had never heard of Save the Dates before I began wedding planning, and I didn’t send them.  Personally, I think they’re a bit of a waste of money, and I would rather put that money towards my invitations.  To each their own, though!  I do admit that for brides who have friends/family in locations across the country/around the world, they do serve a purpose!

Post # 9
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I had never really heard of save the dates until just before I got engaged and we received one in the form of a magnet from our friends. 

fast forward to us being engaged: we are getting married on a long weeked, in the summer, about 2-3 hours away from where most people live. So we decided to send them to give people enough notice to make sure they save that weekend for us! We sent them about 7-8 months ahead of time (a couple of weeks ago).

I definately don’t think they are needed though!


Post # 10
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with PP’s, they are not necessary.

With that being said, we are sending them.  The closest guests to our wedding still have to drive 3 hours.  Since Fiance is military, we are invting people from all over.

We are also giving people the opportunity to make a mini vacation out of it, and join us at local amusement parks and what not. We wanted to provide people with all of these options far in advance. 

Fiance and I do not have many mutual friends,and Fiance and I are 3,000 miles apart so Save the Dates with website cards were the easiest solution.  Oh, and I fell in love with the STD’s as soon as I saw them online.  They were perfect for our LDR.


Post # 11
3267 posts
Sugar bee

We only sent out about 8 of them.  Only to close relatives and very close friends who lived either out of province or out of country, and we absolutely couldn’t imagine gettig married without them there.

For general in town, close friends we comminicate with them regularly and they all knew when the wedding was and planned their schedules as they saw fit. 

I feel they are a waste of money.  They also can lead to some difficult situations for brides who send them out and then change their minds. 

Post # 12
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

No, definitely not necessary.  I sent them out, but only because I printed them off as business cards on my home computer and popped them in Christmas cards we were sending out anyway.

Post # 13
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We sent them out to out-of-staters and countryers and some local family members we don’t see often… I think 60 out of our 150 guests.  Totally not something you NEED to do – but for us, it was a matter of having a bunch of engaged friends (and all of us had been emailing each other to make sure we don’t have a big oops) and having family and friends scattered allllll over the damn country (and a few in Europe) who could benefit from the early heads up on logistics.

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