(Closed) STD Etiquette

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think I would send it.  If you’re close to them I’d speak to them and say something like, “I know you’re not in a position to travel so please don’t take this as me trying to guilt or force you into going but just know that you’re important to me and I just couldn’t not include you”

Post # 4
Member
2472 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ugh, I totally know what you mean.  I’m in a somewhat similar situation and it’s really tricky.  I think it’s probably a better idea to just send it to them, and maybe send a note with it along the lines of what jennifer espos suggested above.

Post # 6
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you need to send them to anyone that you are inviting, regardless of whether or not you think they will be able to come.  I think it is kind of insensitive to assume that they can’t make the trip because of their circumstances.  I know that even if I can’t afford to go to someone’s wedding I still like the feeling of knowing that I was invited. 

Post # 8
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think I would send a save the date if I know they wont be coming, and if I’m not close with them. What if they tell you or family member when they get the STD that they wont be able to come to the wedding and then you have to basically ask them to come again when you send the invitation. I don’t know…

Post # 10
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

A save the date is like a pre invite, if your planning on inviting them, you need to send them one.

If I was not in a position financially to attend a wedding, I wouldn’t want someone making that decision for me by not sending me an invite. I say send it and they will tell you whether they can come or not.

I invited people that I knew weren’t going to attend because it makes people feel good.

Post # 11
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I sent them to everyone I’m sending invites to, even though I know some of them won’t be able to make it.  I agree that you can’t make that decision for them.  If you, however are only sending them invites because you know they can’t make it anyway (and don’t particularly mind if they don’t make it), you might consider instead sending announcements after the wedding to those people.

Post # 12
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

from what i’ve read in magazines you should always send the std, and let it be the decision of the guest as to whether they can or cannot make it.

Post # 14
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should send it.  If other relatives get the STD and they don’t, they’ll feel like second class citizens you don’t want to come to your wedding.  Send the STD.  If they aren’t in the position to travel, they will decline your invitation.  Who knows – their situation may change by the time you get married allowing them to attend after all.  

Post # 15
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

i still think that you should send it:) if they think you’re being rude by including FAMILY on the save the dates then they are wrong! it’s your WEDDING and don’t let anyone (even your mother) let you think your day is not important! there is nothing wrong with that- and it’s NOT being a bridezilla!

i think that if they relay after recieving the std that they won’t be able to make it then at that point ask your mom to respond that you totally understand, but just to let her know if things change. then you will know their intentions and not even send them an actual invitation!

if you just were to send an invite and not a std then they might think you were fishing for gifts so this might be a way to get around all that too;)

Post # 16
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would definitely send one, I think you will hurt more feelings if you don’t. I love how moms complicate things. Just do what you think is best, and what you feel most comfortable with. 

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