Post # 1
So, I’ve been asking my mom for help with getting contact info on family members..you know , addresses and the like..Turns out that she has been individually calling and been doing a sort of “verbal” save the date while getting address information. She then sends me her list of 100 names w/ their info. I already don’t recognize at least 20 names on the list…
Sooooo… Fiance and I are paying, we have set a limit of max 250 total! Both Fiance and I have a lot of friends…we are already going over!
How do I get around the fact that she may have verbally invited people I don’t really know that just happen to be family? I really don’t want to have to slash MY list…
Post # 4
Tough one. Is your mom helping to pay for the wedding at all? Is she willing to cover the cost of the extra people she invited on top of your already-filled guest list?
Post # 5
Don’t worry about who she verbally invited. Invite who you want, since you are paying. The embarrassment will be hers. Don’t cut your guest list. This is YOUR day!
Post # 6
Get all of the names together and see where your total is. Then figure 20% of those people will decline. If you are still over your list, I would tell your mom you just can’t invite all of those people. Come up with the list with Fiance, with the people you know and want there. It is so far out that I bet some of those people that you don’t even know, won’t remember the verbal save the date anyways.
Post # 7
Invite who you want. It’s your mom’s fault for jumping the gun, so she’ll be the one with egg on her face. I would honestly pretend I didn’t even know she invited some people (mature, right? but whatever.)
Post # 8
This might sound horrible, but my parents did a similar thing. I just put my foot down with the non family members. I told them I didn’t care that they already verbally invited them and that it was their problem to deal with since THEY went and invited people. I know it’s horrible, but it worked in my situation. I basically repeated to my parents that they had no right to be doing the inviting that the invitations came from me and my Darling Husband. They eventually admitted that I was right that they had no right to invite people on their own.
Post # 9
Put it back on your mom. She did the inviting (and was out of line doing it), she needs to deal with the fallout, and she can take the heat. If you don’t recognize the names, chances are they won’t be calling you anyway when they don’t receive and invite- they’ll be calling her. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not speak to these people about the wedding and it’s her job to deal with telling them she made a mistake. Your wedding is far enough away, hopefully people will forget.
Don’t over-invite, and don’t count on people not showing. For every wedding where half the invites were declined, there’s a wedding where 98% were accepted and had to be dealt with. You don’t want to invite 120% of what your venue will hold, and have 98% of the invites accepted.
Post # 10
This is your mom’s etiquette blunder not yours. If she is not the host of the event, she has no right or purpose to invite anyone. I would request that my mother contact these people and let them know that in her excitement about the wedding she had accidentaly implied that they were invited, but that she is not privy to the guest list, and just wanted to let them know that you would contact the invitees yourself.
Then invite whomever you like.
It may be helpful in the future to not ask for family addresses, but to name the guests by name that you are seeking.
Hopefully your mom has been keeping mum on the guest list.
Post # 11
I would just explain to your mom that you have a limit of 250. You and Fiance are inviting x number of people which leave y number for her to have input about. If she would like to invite beyond that amount and your venue can hold it then she is responsible for hosting them. Otherwise, it’s her faux pas. People will likely forget between now and then and if they don’t they’ll figure it out when they don’t get a formal invite.
Post # 12
@shimi357: if you dont recognize names–dont invite them! if your mother is deadset on their invitations, tell her to cover the costs of the strangers.
it’s your wedding!!!!! and you’re paying for it!!! 250 sounds like a huge responsibility already. dont add extra stress by inviting randoms!